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pb1987 · Nov 21, 2009, 10:29 PM

I have a five year old son who's father plays no role in raising I have tried to allow him to do so but he is just too unstable and unfit I have a boyfriend of about 2yrs now which next step is marriage and he wants to become my sons legal father, how can we handle this? The actual father will not agree to anything, but its not fair to my son to have such a person claiming him. Any suggestions?

stevetcg · Nov 22, 2009, 05:20 AM

If the actual father will not agree, you are looking at a long, probably very expensive uphill battle in court to have his rights involuntarily terminated with no certain outcome.

Is he paying child support?

ScottGem · Nov 22, 2009, 06:18 AM

Consult an attorney. Laws and courts vary from locality to locality. The likelihood is that, if the bio father refuses to relinquish his rights, the law will be on his side.

But if he refuses to be a part of your son's life, there may be options. If you do not have a support order on him, file for one IMMEDIATELY. If he's faced with paying support, he may be more amenable to relinquishing.

In many areas there is a requirement that you be married for a period before the step parent can adopt. But if you start now, you may be able to build a strategy for when you are ready to file for adoption.

pb1987 · Nov 22, 2009, 11:10 AM

I already. Filed for support it was denied because the father has no job. And four years since I filed, he still doesn't have a job. He don't help at all. He is unfit, smokes marijuana and has no stable home now days. Is there anyway to take away rights because he is unfit

cdad · Nov 22, 2009, 11:27 AM

Originally Posted by pb1987

I already. Filed for support it was denied because the father has no job. And four years since I filed, he still doesn't have a job. He don't help at all. He is unfit, smokes marijuana and has no stable home now days. Is there anyway to take away rights because he is unfit

Who denied the child support because they shouldn't have denied it. Instead they should have placed an amount based upon minimum wage on him at that time. Job or no job it doesn't matter. He is obligated to support his child. Why was it denied in the first place ?

Fr_Chuck · Nov 22, 2009, 11:57 AM

No I am sorry the state should award at least a min child amount even if he has no job. There is a forumla in all states I know of and all require some min amount of support.

So where is this and was it the court that refused to assign any support.

pb1987 · Nov 22, 2009, 12:16 PM

Im not sure where the paper work is at the moment, but it was done through the county when I had to apply for public assistance and the papers stated that the uncustodial parent had no income, and it never stated a balance that he owes. The county had filed that back in 2005 and it took 3years for me to get a response about the child support. I was thinking that he was going to owe from the three years, but it said nothing. Maybe I should call and see, but who do I call.

JudyKayTee · Nov 22, 2009, 12:27 PM

Originally Posted by pb1987

Im not sure where the paper work is at the moment, but it was done through the county when I had to apply for public assistance and the papers stated that the uncustodial parent had no income, and it never stated a balance that he owes. The county had filed that back in 2005 and it took 3years for me to get a response about the child support. I was thinking that he was gonna owe from the three years, but it said nothing. Maybe I should call and see, but who do I call.

This is different from filing for support and being denied.

You need to file for child support in whatever Court handles these matters in your area. He is not going to owe for 3 years. He is going to owe from the date you file.

You can either file the papers yourself (the Courts are user friendly) or retain an Attorney. You are going to need an Attorney anyway when your boyfriend becomes your husband and tries to adopt the child.

pb1987 · Nov 22, 2009, 12:34 PM

Okay, thanks guess that's my first step. Then how do we go about adopting with thr step. Father once we finish the first step

JudyKayTee · Nov 22, 2009, 01:27 PM

Originally Posted by pb1987

Okay, thanks guess that's my first step. Then how do we go about adopting with thr step. Father once we finish the first step

You get married - in some States you have to be married for a year in order to adopt - and then you approach the father and ask him to sign the appropriate consent forms to allow your husband to adopt the child.

The adoption will not be granted if he does not consent.

ScottGem · Nov 22, 2009, 02:04 PM

Again, you will need an attorney to prepare the adoption. So get one now and get everything done right.

cdad · Nov 22, 2009, 02:06 PM

Originally Posted by pb1987

Im not sure where the paper work is at the moment, but it was done through the county when I had to apply for public assistance and the papers stated that the uncustodial parent had no income, and it never stated a balance that he owes. The county had filed that back in 2005 and it took 3years for me to get a response about the child support. I was thinking that he was gonna owe from the three years, but it said nothing. Maybe I should call and see, but who do I call.

When the county applies for child support on a noncustodial parent they are doing so to seek funds that they are giving out. If they collect the money doesn't go to you it goes to them because your taking county funds. That might clear up the zero balance issue.