[honeyhunter2006]

A friend told me about this site, so I am here hoping to get some help.
To make this quick as to not bore you, I need to know how to get over someone. I'm sorry to say, I still have feelings for my ex boyfriend, and finding it difficult to move on. The Chemistry with him was amazing, and I felt something I never felt before. Sadly we've been apart a couple years now and I still have feelings for him.
I was trying to date a few guys, met this very nice guy who I know could give me all that I need, but I can't seem to get my ex out of my head. The chemistry wasn't there, but I know he is a good person and I definitely know he likes me very much. I feel as though I am comparing this new guy to my ex and I know that is not fair to either him or I. My ex is getting married in about a month. I can't get past him. The chemistry with my ex is what I think is keeping me from getting involved. Will I be able to feel the chemisrty with the new guy if I give it a chance. This new friend has been very calm and respectful and honest with me. And I do appreciate that very much. Am I putting too much pressure on myself, expecting him to live up to my ex or what. Am I losing out? I feel like I am pushing him away and I don't know what to do! I don't want to hurt him, and I know he is a very decent guy. He's not smothering me, he is very respectful, and I am surprised he has not given up on me. Please someone help me. If the chemistry isn't there right away, will it come, or was the chemistry I had with my ex something that rarely happens?
Thanks so much!

[Nohitter410]

There is a big fundamental problem going on right now and you can definitely see it. I think you first need to get some closure with your EX. He is getting married in a month so in my opinion you need to let him know how you feel. I am not saying break up their marriage but in order for you to move on you need to let him know.

On the other hand you seem to have another guy in the picture that treats you well. Why compare the two. They are both different in their own way. Try to appreciate what this new guy offers. There needs no comparison. Just have fun and as hard as it is to say, your ex is moving on which is very evident by him getting married. If you don't move on then you will never truly be happy.

If you tell yourself you can't get over your ex then you can't but if you tell yourself that you are a beautiful woman that can make any man happy then that is all that counts. It is all in your head, you tell yourself how bad it is when in reality you had a great time with him he was unbelievable to you and that is hard to get over. You will do fine get some closure and don't close yourself off to new experiences or you will never be able to live life the way you should.

[Geoffersonairplane]

One thing is for sure, if you continue in this way, holding onto the past and not looking to the future, then yes, you will push your current boyfriend further and further away until such time it may be too late to repair the damage.

Your ex has moved on for sure. You have already learned that he is now getting married so that is a good indication that he has moved on for good. You say that there is not the same chemistry with your current boyfriend as there was between you and your ex. It is natural for you to be making comparisons to an ex you felt so strongly for yet this is not a healthy way to begin a new relationship.

Forgive me if I am wrong but it almost sounds as if you may have jumped into new relationships too soon after your breakup with your ex and pehaps not had the time to focus on yourself and really get over him. Perhaps this is why you are making comparisons. Perhaps the reason he has moved on is because he gave himself a suitable period to grieve after the break up without getting into the dating game again too soon.

On what basis are you pursuing a relationship with the current boyfriend if you are unsure of your feelings for him? I'm sure he is a great guy with a good personality and would provide you with what you need both financially and emotionally but is it fair on him (if this is a true portrait of his personality) for you to be holding on so much to the past.

To answer your question, I think feelings and chemistry as you put it can grow in time. I don't really subscribe to the idea of love at first sight, since it takes time to get to know someone and who they really are. One thing is for sure, you need to let go of the past and realise that you need to think about what is happening in your life right now and working on your current relationship. If you feel that you cannot develop feelings for your current boyfriend, then perhaps you should decide if this relationship is what you want.

If you care for your current boyfriend, which I can tell you do, you need to consider all of this carefully. The ex is gone, and won't be coming back, at least this is very unlikely so you need to focus on you and your future.

Good Luck with whatever path you take.

[Geoffersonairplane]

Also..

What do you mean PERSONALLY when you use the word chemistry? Ignoring what the majority would define this term to mean..

You need to ask yourself what this means to you.

And what kind of comparisons are you making? Ask yourself if these comparisons are fair and realistic.

Everyone is unique and different in many ways.

[Wildcat21]

LEAVE THE EX ALONE!! Do not contact him. You need to understand it was a break up because IT WAS BROKEN!! HELLO??

Women do this ALL the time - thyeforget the bad parts in a relationship with an ex. The forget WHY they broke.

That whole relationship with ex is waer under the bridge - you're different people now. He's getting marreid - leave him be.

2 years is a LONG time. I might suggest a therapist.

Move on. Having feelings for an ex means you have many issues in your current life that's not takem care of.

YEs -yu're blowing it with the new guy.

PLEASE REMEMBER WHY YOU BROKE IN THE FIRST PLACE!! Why did you?

[talaniman]

Whatever you had before is over, and has been for two years. It is so unfair to jump into a relationship with any one, and it would be cruel to a good guy to try the love thing since you really haven't gotten over the past. This is not healthy, to you or anyone you get involved with. Read some of these threads to see what baggage from the past can do to future relationship. You will never be happy. Get over him. Stay single and unattached until you do.