[anxious girl]

Is it possible to be scared of getting close to someone. I have NEVER been extremely close to any guy and I am so scared that I will never be able to. For example, I'm afraid to get too close to a guy in case I don't like it. My mind is always racing and I never seems to let myself enjoy myself. What's that all about. I don't know what to do to stop all these fears that circle my mind constantly from taking me over. Its all I ever think about and worry about these days and my actual social life and academic life I fear is suffering. What can I do, please give me some guidance.
Thanks in advance,
Anxious girl.

[jmw0713]

Talk to a professional and see what they recommend. When mental things like this start affecting your life you need to seek professional council.

[redhed35]

I would suggest instead of mapping out a 'relationship' just be friends... no pressure,no hassel no expectation.

If you take away the stress of the 'have to have a relationship' train of thought,you may just enjoy the developing friendship..

Date lots of guys/girls so you don't become hung up on one person.

[Cat1864]

I first want to ask how old are you?

I think therapy is a good suggestion for you. Since your other question enlarges on this issue, I am quoting it here.

dear all,

Being new to this site I am not too sure how this works but I desperately need help.
Every day I wake up with the same fear circuling my mind and so far it o stop my succeeded to impact my life negatively. I am constantly nervous, anxious and crying with fear and I dont know how to stop myself thinking and just getting on wtih my life the way that I used to do before all this fear started. I know that I am thinker and worrier by nature but this is to the exteme. I can't leave my house without being scared and I can't go on like this for much longer. Each day I wake up with this overwheling sense of fear in my chest and I just can't push these pervasve thoughts out of my mind. I can't sit in a room or next to any girl for fear that I will be attracted to them ( including my best freind and my twin sister). My heart races at the thought and fills me with fear. I can't sit next to any boy for fear that I wont be attracted to them and it sca mind scares me so much. My life has become evolved around these thoughts and I dont know how much more I can't take. I'm afraid to go on dates because I'm afraid I wont be able to fancy them. I am quite shy and reserved by nature but my life has turned into constant tests ( will I be attrated to wont I be attracted to). I need help, I dont know how much more I can take.

PLEASE help me, I really need help.

whats wrong with me , is there something wrong with me?

thanks,
anxious girl

Do you know what triggered the fear? How long have you had this fear?

In your mind, why is it a bad thing to be attracted to females instead of males? Are you afraid of social, moral, or religious taboos?

Therapy would be a good place to start with being comfortable with yourself.

[slapshot_oi]

Sounds like anxiety, talk to your doctor.

[jmw0713]

I agree... Anxiety is no fun!

[talaniman]

You are lacking in coping skills, and fear is the result. Nothing wrong with having feelings of attractions to others, just as there is nothing wrong with being afraid to take risks.

Those are feelings we all have as humans and as we grow, and learn how to cope with our feelings, and accept them as being okay, we lose the fear, because we realize what appropriate actions to take despite the feelings.

None of us can control our feelings, but our actions are best controlled by staying within the boundaries of good behavior. You don't have to act on your feelings, or fear them. Just deal with them, and as you grow you will be better at it.

Don't run from your feelings, just embrace them as yours, but don't get carried away by them either.

The good news, is your recognizing the affects of your feelings on your life.

The better news is, you want to change and be able to deal with life. Not only are there many good books on the subject of learning and dealing with yourself, but many a good people (pastors, parents, older wiser trusted friends, school counselors, and therapists) to guide you through the process of getting better coping skills, and facing and overcoming your fears.

Check out these sights,
overcoming anxiety - Bing

developing coping skills - Bing

Knowledge is power.

[anxious girl]

Thanks everybody!

I know that what all of you say is extremely relevant and it does make so much sense. My problem is that every time I feel in control I revert back to my previous thoughts and wonder why I was thinking them in the first place and I start all over again! Thanks very much for the anxiety websites, I shall definatley have a look at them. I am 19 years old and what annoys me so much is that my twin sister suffered anxiety a couple of months ago and now it looks like I'm taking her place! I used to look at her and get so vexed because I couldn't understand how she could hold onto something.. a 'what if' a potential problem for so long instead of just syaing ' oh whatever its not important'. However know I understand how she felt and it's the worst I have ever felt in my entire life.
The bottom line is that I in my mind I want a Boyfriend and I look at my twin and I see how happy, comfortable and in love she is and my fear is that I will never be able to express myself that well to let someone love me or I love them. I need to fear myself of ALL of these thoughts- I know that- so that I can truly see clearly again.

anxious girl

[redhed35]

Talking to your twin about how your feeling now ,may balance out some of the anxiety... perhaps seeing her life changing is bringing on the stress...

You know,its not the be all and end of to have a relationship... there are so many challenges and things to discover that sometimes being in a relationship you just can't have the full experience...

If this is just a minor set back in how you usually think,maybe setting yourself achievable goals may bring up your confidence in yourself...

[anxious girl]

Yea but the bad thing about that is that she doesn't want to talk to me about it. Because I am suffering form anxiety and worry now, she tends to steer clear of me. I haven't felt so distant from her in all my life because she fears by talking to me about my worries that it will somehow induce fears in her again. She suffered from exam stress and panic attacks pretty badly so I understand and I don't want to burden her with my grief although I do miss talking to her so much.

[jmjoseph]

I too, think that you should see a doctor or counselor concerning your anxiety.

It's a good thing that at your age, you know that there is an issue, and are willing to get some help.

The thing is, life is way too short to be afraid to open your heart to someone else.

When I was 6 weeks shy of graduating high school( 30 years ago), I witnessed my best friend dying in a motorcycle crash in front of our school. I had just talked to him minutes before, and because I was a lifeguard, and planning on being a paramedic, I administered CPR, and mouth to mouth on him. He was killed on impact, nothing I did would have helped him. From that day forward, for the next 15 years or so, I NEVER let anyone too close to me. I was not going to lose another loved one. It made me hard, bitter, and closed. I ruined relationships, and distanced myself from my family.

I finally came to realize that I was never going to be happy unless I gave myself up to love again. I did, and am married now to a wonderful woman who is my soulmate, and we have two fine young sons. My heart is open to the immense love I have for them. I have never been happier that I am now.

You see, I didn't even think that I needed help. I used alcohol and drugs to drown my sorrows, and it was a futile effort. I wasted so much time by putting my heart on a shelf. Please don't do the same.

Please get help, talk to family and friends about your doubts, and fears, and get on with your life.

We are not on this planet for very long in the grand scheme of things, just a blink. Make the very best of what time you do have. It will enrich your life so much by loving others, and letting them love you.

I wish you the very best. May GOD give you strength, courage, and love.

[redhed35]

What about just doing activities together?. and put a personal ban on talking about your anxiety... being in the company of happy people rubs off.. being in the company of someone you love that is happy rubs off even more..

You seem to have a good grip of what you do and when you do it.. its finding the answer of why...

In today's society the reasons for stress are usually money worries or relationship worries.. I know that sound very broad but as I said mostly..

If your sister is afraid to talk about this,perhaps she is not quite as secure as you may think,but still working on it.


Listen to your inner voice.. find a quite place and ask yourself the questions... your body is reacting to what it already knows... your brain just has not connected the dots just yet...

Ask yourself when did this begin... was there a trigger... as I said,listen to that voice...

[coruzzi2]

Girl, relaxxx..
That's not a bad thing.
You've probably never experienced heart break before! Consider this a stregnth!
You got to adjust to it, its only a weakness if you let it effect your life. Get you own life figured out first. Learn to love yourself or no one else will be able to.
When the right one comes around, you won't be afraid. He'll make you feel secure, you'll know.
But sweetie its seriously not a weakness.
I used to be the same way.. but one or two came around that I actually stuck with for up to a year, which to many stilll isn't a lot.
For me it was,
And I was shocked that I actually grew attatched to someone.
But then I got hurt. Bad. And wished I never had,.
I want that power back! Ha