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Paula9107 · Nov 18, 2009, 07:55 PM

I am an 18 year old girl who is the oldest of five siblings. My parents are divorced and I recently moved into my mom's house because of issues between me and my dad. I have been at my moms house for about 6 months. My dad has treats me like his enemy because of the fact that I live at his ex-wife's house. About 2-3 months ago he decided that he was going to move to out of state with 3 out of 5 of my siblings. My mom decided to take my 2 younger sisters. They have been with us for abut a month now. My youngest brother is 4 and I have pretty much raised him since he was 3 months. Recently my dad decided to take him to a psychiatrist because he feels that he has underlying issues. The poor kids doesn't get the love and attention that 4 year old needs. He has been through so much for how young he is. My parents have been divorced, I moved out, the other 2 younger ones are out of the house and my dad works 3rd shift. He needs more than what he is getting there. Also the yelling and name calling that is happening at the house is ridiculous. Its not right for a 4 year old to know the word idiot or stupid or to even tell people that he hates them. I have been advised from family friends that I should get guardianship of him and make a better life for him. I just can't see myself sitting in a court room with me against my dad and saying that I am going to take his son from him, that he has no more control over him. I think that it would be in the 4 year old's best interest but I can't work myself to doing it. The other thing that I am having a problem with is if I was to do that how would I afford it and who would I go to?

cdad · Nov 19, 2009, 03:10 PM

Your right. You can't afford it and its not going to happen because your not independent yet. Your still depending on your parents for your lifestyle. It's a hard road. But at this time your still getting your own life together and you may have to sit and watch the outcome as it unfolds. The part you left out is your mother would also be in the courtroom with your dad because she would also have to give up her son if you were the one to take him. It's a mess.

Paula9107 · Nov 19, 2009, 03:43 PM

My brother is adopted and adopted only by my dad. It has nothing to do with my mom. I am thinking about an apartment next year. I don't think that I can watch it unfold though its hard. I believe I could do it, my boyfriend is behind every step of the way. I just don't know how to go about doing it.

cdad · Nov 19, 2009, 03:52 PM

For right now forget the boyfriend as part of the answer to solving your problem. If you were going to the courts and asking for guardianship they are going to want to know how YOU are going to do it. And if you say me AND.. it might be over right there. Be very careful.

justcurious55 · Nov 19, 2009, 03:57 PM

The first step is becoming independent. Do you work? Can you really support yourself and a four year old? I'm 20. I'm just making ends meet and any month that I can get more than $20-30 into my savings account is a good month. I'm not saying it's impossible, there's others out there who are around our ages doing it. But it's hard. You'll need at least a 2 bedroom apartment. The little boy would need his own bedroom. Are you able to afford that? And then you'll have to provide groceries. And get him to and from school. And I would hope that you are continuing your education not only to better yourself but also to set an example for your brother. And then you'll still need to find time to work to be able to support yourselves. And also find time to be with him, help him with homework, make his meals, all that. You mentioned you've mostly been raising him since he was 3 months old. I don't think I need to go into all of the attention little kids require. And then there's the court fees. You have to pay to file the paper work. It's best to do it with a lawyer. So then there's lawyer fees. It really is a stressful process.

I think it's admirable what you want to do. But maybe now isn't the time. For the time being, the best thing you can do for your brother is make sure he knows you love him and he can always come to you for help. And start working towards being independent, so that if he really does need to be with you in a few years, it'll be possible.