[xxsmileyface]

Well, hi there. It's me again. Still troubled over my life. I'll just skip all the boring stuff and get right into it.

So, what seems to be bothering me the most at this moment in time is my hopeless, yet very large crush on a straight guy (I'm bisexual... and also a guy, clearly). I feel like the harder I try to get over him, the harder it is. Ever since that party when I told him how I felt, I feel like we've become better friends, which is a good thing, I suppose. Though I'm still horribly confused, because one second he seems flirtatious towards me (or at least really nice), and the next he completely ignores me.

The next thing, school. I'm almost always stressed over it, as I'm trying really hard to get all A's, plus I took on an AP course on saturdays, and that also has me stressed. Plus, myself image is not a good one. I always feel ugly, like I'd be better off dead. I've even given some serious thought to cutting myself, which I know is not something I should get in to. I lay awake at night thinking about my life and how it would be so much better if things were different and I feel like I dwell too much on negative thoughts that I always end up feeling worse about myself. At the same time though, I can't help but think those thoughts.

I feel like what I need is just to sit down and cry for a few hours... I don't think I've cried in a year or so... that's a lot of pent up emotions. The problem is, I just can't bring myself to do it. I'm not sure how bad this all seems to to you, but I know that this is the saddest I've felt in a long time--and I just don't know how to cope. Any help is appreciated! Thanks in advance.

[Lulubell599]

It sounds like this straight guy is trouble. It seems that right now he is the one providing you with your highs in life (not the only one, but the highest). Which is not good. Find something that you really enjoy, and go for it. For me it's music. When ever I feel like crap I'll listen to my feel good music. I'll whistle or hum it, just so I know it's in there and a piece of me will always be happy. Even if I can't be on the outside.

Oh man, oh man. Yeah that cutting thing is always tough stuff. When I was in high school, all of my girlfriends used to do that, I was never into it.

To me it seems that one day you, or my friends at the time will, would make it be permanent. And how does a permanent solution fix a not so permanent problem. I know many reasons and have known many people. All of which, when you really dive into there problems it makes you understand how much hurt they are going through.

Life sucks, but if it were easy would it even be worth it?

I say you should cry, cry as hard as you need, even better, cry with anyone you consider to be a friend. That way you can have trust on one another and have someone to depend on and help you through it.

If they understand how you feel they'll be more inclined to help...

But I digress. Only you can choose what you want in life. I could say anything on here to help you understand, but you have to feel it in order to get results. Help you by helping yourself.