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kit8583 · Nov 18, 2009, 03:17 PM

My oldest son is five, just started Kindergarten a few months ago, and it has been a battle every day. He loves school, thinks it's fun and exciting, but he is sent home every day with notes. He doesn't listen to the teachers, he won't stay in his seat, he steals other children's snacks and jackets, he has even stolen from the teachers desk because she took something from him. Every time I ask 'why did you do that?' all I get is 'I don't know'. I'm tiered of the notes and calls from his teacher. I feel like I've failed as a mother some how. Other kids had a few rough first days, but now they are settling in. My son just can not under stand rules! How can I change this? I've tried everything from taking toys away, taking snacks away, corner time, spankings, time outs, not allowed to play with the neighbors kid for days, even a week at a time because of his behavior. I've even tried showing him that when he is good, he can do fun things, like the park or the zoo or fishing trips. But every time he messes up again and it's right back to square one. I'm lost and have no idea how to reach him.

Wondergirl · Nov 18, 2009, 03:20 PM

How has he managed for five years with rules you have set up, like not running into the street or not eating dessert before he has finished his dinner?

J_9 · Nov 18, 2009, 03:23 PM

Was your son in child care prior to kindergarten?

kit8583 · Nov 18, 2009, 03:24 PM

He is fine with hose hold rules. He knows not to cross the street with out an adult, not to go outside unless I'm out there to watch him. He won't answer the door (which was a hard habbit to break). All in all, he understands my rules perfectly. There is an occasional moment when he won't listen to me, but that's few and far between. It's only at school that he seems to throw ALL the rules out the window.

J_9 · Nov 18, 2009, 03:25 PM

Originally Posted by J_9

Was your son in child care prior to kindergarten?

Please answer the above question... this may be important.

kit8583 · Nov 18, 2009, 03:25 PM

No he wasn't in pre school or day care.

J_9 · Nov 18, 2009, 03:30 PM

Originally Posted by kit8583

No he wasn't in pre school or day care.

Okay, now, I got it... He doesn't see anyone as an authority figure aside from you. This is one reason that I DO advocate childcare... Aside from the fact that I come from an entire family of teachers.

He was not properly socialized by not being in day/child care. He is now learning the "ropes" of being in a social setting that includes rules and boundaries that are set up by someone other than his parents.

Unfortunately you are going to have to give it time. He'll eventually catch on, but it may take a while... possibly even repeating kindergarten.

Now, don't get upset about repeating kindergarten... it's better now than in second or third grade. He is not ready to make the transition from home life to school life, and it seems from your original post that he may be a little too "immature" for school yet. This is not a bad thing. I know many doctors and lawyers who had to repeat kindergarten. Even my darling 16 year old daughter repeated and she is now a Straight A student.

We just have to realize that he has never been in a setting that he has had to sit for long periods, listen to rules that have been made by adults other than you or other family members.

Kindergarten is a tough transition for a lot of kids. I've been there, done that with 4 kids myself.

kit8583 · Nov 18, 2009, 03:34 PM

Thank you so much to the encuraging thoughts. I'm a young single mom of two and I feel like I'm constently being watched by the other moms at his school. I will take you're words into advice next time he is sent home with a bad note. Thank you again.

liz28 · Nov 19, 2009, 10:58 AM

My nephew was this was way when he starting school for the first time. If you have time maybe you can sit in class with him to help with this transition as well. My sister in law did for a few weeks and it help my nephew a lot. You already been given some good advice but I thought this might help too.

smileup · Nov 20, 2009, 01:20 PM

First I have to say shame on the moms “watch you” and probably judging! That is such a pet peeve of mine. There are many Moms going through the same thing as you so don't feel alone or beat yourself up. A Mom friend of mine went through the same issue with her 5 y/o daughter when she started kindergarten. She realized she just started her too soon. Like your little man her daughter had never been to preschool or day care. She ended up having her daughter transition into a pre-kinder class then restarting her in kinder at age 6 when she was ready. My friend's son is 4 but she doesn't plan on starting him in kinder until he is 5 going on 6 (he has a Sept. bday). Not all kids are ready for kindergarten at the same time or at a specific age. Some start as young as 4 and as old as 6 going on 7. You are doing a fantastic job as a mom. Your little man started kinder without any “training” like preschool. Don't we all need training before doing something new?
Good luck!