[Nohitter410]

Quick Question: You both know my story and I finally understand the role that needs to be played. I am a crazy and obnoxious person and that is what were together. Not like out of control but always smiling and always having fun and nothing would get me down.

The past month changed and emotions started to get into it. She texted me yesterday morning saying I just need time, things just went way too fast. Basically it boils down to I am 22 and she is 20 still wanting to be herself and have fun in college. Serious relationships are too much to deal with right now while your young.

My question is when she calls me and texts me if she does since I know she will before I consider it, how should I play it moving forward. I just want her back but I know this will take time and I know she wants me so bad, I am just HORRIBLE when talking on the phone because I ramble and sometimes become repetitive and occasionally cut her off. She has noticed a difference based on better reflective listening skills but I will never tell her I am changing. She can see it for herself. HER BIRTHDAY IS dec 23rd and mine is Jan 4th, obviously I will be in Michigan in the holidays and it is just way too soon but if she wants to see me what should I do since we haven't seen each other since the break. I was thinking I would say I am busy for awhile and maybe get coffee before I head back to work since I may not come back to MIchigan for a couple months after that.
Funny that I am thinking month and a half ahead just want to make sure I play this out right. New to me
I will move on and have many things to occupy my life. Flying back home for a week and going up to my college to party with my friends and get my mind off things. I will go to NY to meet work friends from another area and just doing anything to occupy my time. I have decided my motivation to get back in shape is that I will try out for Major League baseball this summer and I want to get into the best shape possible. It will set a goal for me and allow me to understand that I can only control what goes on in my life and no one else's.

[Wildcat21]

I'd just do no contact for 2 months. Let the birthdays pass.

Work on other things like oyur baseaball.

Go SLOW moving forward - you rush into thngs nad you crash and burn.

[Skell]

Im not Tal or Cat but I agree with the advice they give and I know what Tals will be.

No contact. Let it go. No messages, no phone calls, no email, no IM. NO CONTACT.

Don't answer her calls.

You need to completely disappear of the face of the planet for a couple of months as far as she is concerned.

In this time you need to work on yourself. Improve yourself. Reflect on what you could have done better. Workout, work hard at school / college. Work hard at your job..

Look at yourself and think how you as a person can be better. Now is agreat time to do some reflecting on yourself and your life.

If you want her back then this is your best option. But if I were you I wouldn't even look at that way.

Thjis time of no contact is about you. To look after you.

Because whether you believe it or not right now after her dropping this on you, you need time to think and space as much as she does.

So no contact for 3 months and work on you. Hard to do but it is better than the outcome you will get if you chase her.. I guarantee you that!

[Wildcat21]

98% of the women don't wan to be chased in that cenario.

[talaniman]

Its over, start living a life without her. Pursue your own dreams and let her do whatever. Hey I thought I told you all this before? Buy yourself a birthday present ,buy her nothing,Why would you?

[Nohitter410]

I know it is probably over and in no way am I going to chase her. I was just wondering since I know she will call me especially if she gets president of her sorority.

[Nohitter410]

I will go back to DC January 3rd and may not come back to Michigan for a few months so just wondering if I don't talk to her by the end of December.

Trust me I have a load of friends and always have fun wherever I go. I got 4 phone numbers the other night and one girl said I should take her home.

But it still feels different, I really do miss her and just trying to cope that is all.

Just because one knows the best coarse of action and will follow it to a tee doesn't make it hard.

[talaniman]

Kudos for seeing problems ahead and trying to get answers now. No contact may seem cruel or hard to stick with now, but the important thing you need to remember is to get to a place you are healthy and can see things with a clear mind. There will always be feeling for your ex for the rest of your life, but you will be able to deal with those feelings much better after time and healing have done their job. She probably feels the same way, I have little doubt. Its not about her though, it is about you. She knows what she wants, and it is important to give it to her. I think its important not to wait on maybes and to deal with reality. Heal first, everything else is for another time including her birthday, and any reaching out on her part. Stay on the path my fellow Capricorn and make sure you enjoy your birthday without her.

[Nohitter410]

Thanks

[Wildcat21]

Tal - outstanding!

BTW - why are Capricorns so complicated and difficult at times?

[Nohitter410]

Here is the problem Wildcat and Tal with me!

It is not like I can't find something to occupy my time. I have lost 11 pounds in 2 weeks and workout 5 days a week. I go out most nights, have many friends in both my hometown and where I work both coworkers and just randoms.

I play raquetball and basketball and baseball and always seem busy. I think it is more the way it seem to go. Like I know she didn't want it to end but she felt that she couldn't have fun anymore for the next few years without worrying about me and me worrying about her. It is too difficult and too much to deal with right now. When I was 20 I wanted no part of a relationship. I just wanted to have fun. I have no problem understand where she is coming from and we actually left on very good terms, I think it is more that she is in college and I know she will have fun and I don't want to lose her completely from my life regardless of what happens. I have no problem being very distant I just felt like a few months from now if I just constantly ignore her it is like completely cutting her off and I don't think that is fair to her. I will cut off communication but if she calls I owe it to at least call back sometime a few days later but keep it short. But definitely not for awhile.

That is all. I am always finding something to do but I kind of miss my hometown and all my great friends and it is a tough adjustment sometimes.

[Wildcat21]

I wouldn't call back. Don't do it. You won't like the out come. Make her miss you as well.

You need to heal and get over this type of feelings - you need your power BACK!! You need that feeling agan where you be fine if she left, although you'd like her to stay.

[rol]

Don't contact her on her birthday... that will wake her up for sure! It does seem cruel and mean but if you want her to think of you that will be one day to do it.

[Nohitter410]

I haven't been on in awhile and some know my situation. My girlfriend asked for a break and at first I was hurt but then I realized this was a great opportunity for me. I do love her and would have no problem being her friend somewhere down the road. I have moved on and didn't call her for almost a month.
Yesterday she imed me when I signed on and was about to put an away message. She said I know you don't want to talk to me but I wanted to tell you that I was thinking about you and I missed you. I kept it very short.
Today she called me while I was driving and I answered it in my pocket so when I looked to see who called I had to answer. She said she just wanted to say hi and we talked for a little longer than normal. But not too crazy.
My question is I feel like she doesn't want a serious relationship but wants to be my friend and hang out. I don't want to waver because I have been doing very good. The key all along is I wanted to work into being her friend and that takes time. I need to move on but I also don't want to be a piece of either. It is hard to find a balance. I have made myself very unavailable and I am sure she is having trouble, but it shouldn't be about her but only about what I think is best for me. Overanalyzing everything and trying to plan every talk or event just makes things worse.
I just want some help on the best way to handle it. I want her in my life but I also enjoy being single right now and I have been learning about myself a lot lately. Getting in shape, meeting new people, spending time with family and work. I still miss her but that doesn't mean I need to stress. Please help

[cherri1966]

I would suggest you stop making yourself so readily available because she made the decision to have some space. It doesn't seem as if she knows what it is that she wants, so continue to find yourself. You don't have to waiver, make the right choice for yourself. You have to take a stand right now, don't be fearful to say what you're feeling. It good to be friends but in being friends, remember there are boundaries!

[Nohitter410]

Would like everyone's thoughts? Not respond... or answer but seem busy and distant or call back a few days later or not at all

We are long distance anyway so when I am in town I don't want to feel like I have to see her because I don't but we broke up over the phone.. so at some point

Any thoughts?

Absence does make the heart grow fonder but I feel like she misses me and that is great to know because it knows I can still do my thing out here and she won't forget about me.

[Allheart]

I do agree with Cherri and would add just this... honesty... be honest... exactly what you posted... say to her, be firm, and stick with it. It will save you so much stress on finding ways to avoid and to me head games are never appealing or kind.

Be honest and truthful with her and yourself. If she seems to cling more, deal with that then. You are so right, you do need to focus on the progress you have made, and the only thing that needs to be done is for you to be honest with her. I would think hiding and avoiding will only distract you from the great progress you have made.

Go out there and have fun and way to go on your progress.. good for you!!

[Krs]

I can't understand this thread.
You are contradicting what you said, first you state you ARE in long distance relationship, then you state you don't feel like you have to see her because you broke up over the phone! :confused:

[Krs]

The main question is can you handle being friends with her whilst trying to move on and get over her?

[imation]

Well firstly. Just because she would be back in your life doesn't mean it has to be as much as it was before, you can easily tell her as a friend that your seeinf her too much, or even just sometimes say your busy if you think your getting too attatched.
Maybe you could get together one day and tell her straight that you don't want to be too close because you like where your at right now
She might be a bit hurt by it but its better than blatantly lying or ignoring her I guess
Hope you got something out of this answer