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    thatdamgood's Avatar
    thatdamgood Posts: 15, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Nov 16, 2009, 12:27 PM
    Frustrated guy!
    Hey to all out there, Thanks for taking the time to read and hopefully reply to this post.

    So Il first try and set some background, I have just got engaged to a beautiful funny caring lady oh about a month ago and honestly for the few weeks after that I couldn’t of been happier, Unfortunately things recently have taken a turn for the more unhappy side or more to the point she’s just doing my head in.

    Now I understand this is her first real mature relationship the rest just being silly kid things so she’s never gotten to this point and gone further etc with marriage etc but its just every adult conversation we have from moving out and getting our own place to where to spend Christmas be it alone or together just ends up with the same result every time!. Me putting my point and her just sitting on the sofa or in the car or wherever we shall be just looking down like a lost little puppy dog about to burst into tears, And then always after about 15 20 minutes of pure frustration of trying to just get her to say her piece and then discussing it and moving on she will always run away usually to the bedroom n just lie usually under her throw somewhat of a security blanket if you will and not say a word..

    This of course makes me feel so god damn guilty I end up apologising for what is really nothing then having an adult conversation before she finally snaps out of it and comes back to her usually self.

    Of course this brings it round to the other side of the coin of me always feeling the bad guy, the guilty one like I’m no heard and ultimately like she gets it all her own because whenever something comes up that may need discussion to avoid the usually rinse and repeat we have I just say you know what just do what you want to do

    So I get frustrated again later on after bottling it up because I’m not being listened to or doing some of the things I want to be doing.

    I can’t not tell you guys just how frustrated I am at the moment so many things are just to suit her and its like where my level footing in the relationship where is the give and take you are supposed to get!

    Don’t get my wrong when we have good times there the best in the world but sometimes we have this curve ball and the usually things happen.

    The most recent example I can give you is the one today... Because of where we live me being half an hour away from her and because of work we have this system of Il spend 4 nights with her and 3 nights away from her, air enough makes sense till we get our own place but then she will go and arrange girlfriend things on one of those nights but still expect me to come down before hand and then sit in the house and wait till she gets back! And yet if I say on a night together where she is doing nothing Oh I’m just going to see some of the guys will say oh its OK in such a tone and with such a voice it makes me feel so god damn guilty I end up not going

    I hope this helps and I HOPE ANYONE out there can help me cause I love her I really do I want to marry her and I want to see the rest of my days out with her but I am just one frustrated kind of guy atm!
    I wish's Avatar
    I wish Posts: 5,296, Reputation: 2030
    Family & People Expert
     
    #2

    Nov 16, 2009, 12:42 PM
    Marriage is a HUGE step and requires A LOT of commitment. So before getting married, you definitely need to iron out all your issues.

    You're going to need to sit each other down and list out all the issues one by one. Then try to find a mutual understanding for each other. Dragging this process out will only make things worse in the long run.

    Approach these issues in a calm and respectable manner. If you start jumping at each other, the discussion can easily escalate into an argument and that won't help anyone.

    If you don't see any improvement in the relationship, then maybe you aren't a good match. It's one thing to love one another, but it's another thing to be compatible.
    popetoby's Avatar
    popetoby Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Nov 16, 2009, 12:46 PM

    OK well it seems that your ready to start your life with one girl. Witch means that you do see her everyday that's the only girl you will see and with a relationship like that ( she like to go hang with the girl) you have to look at who she is friends with and see what their lives consit of such as parting,going to the bar,have tendesies to cheat on guys, not have any since of realitably etc... you are what you hang out with is a good exaple. Is she a lot like her friends or is she a leader and makes her own rules? But buy the way it sound she's just a kid and shell end up tearing you down and make all these false realities and you being the lovalbe one with try to understand her and theirfor feel bad for her so id give it a month or so and not make it a really long thing

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