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ProudMommy09 · Nov 9, 2009, 08:49 PM

Ok, here's a little background story. My husband had a child with a woman in 2003. He did not see the child & the mother lost custody. She regained custody & the father began to see the child in 2005. No visitation/ custody orders were made. The mother then moved away with the child, leaving behind no number or any way to get in touch with her. After 2 years, in 2007, the mother reappeared via MySpace, married to a different man than the husband she had when she moved away. The father of the child was happy to have communication. However, the mother wanted her new husband to adopt their son. The father refused. The mother placed an ad in a newspaper for an 'Unknown Father,Unknown Location' even though the father's name is on the birth certificate. The father found the ad, hired a lawyer, & contested the adoption. The adoption was not granted but the lawyer never took the steps to file for visitation. This is in the state of Alabama. The mother then moved away with the child again. She now lives in Georgia. The father could not afford to pay for his attorney anymore because even though she never did anything, she charged $3000. The father has since tried to reason with the mother but she does not want him to see the child. The father did consider letting the husband adopt the child but decided against it. The father decided to file for legitamation in Georgia but first wanted to again, reason with the mother so the child would not have to endure a DNA test. However, today a Sheriff served him with a summons for adoption by the husband in Georgia. The papers state that the father has not tried to communicate with the child since 2005. The father has continually asked for visitation since 2007 & contested the first adoption in 2008. We have proof of it all.

My first question is - Is she allowed to try to have the child adopted in Georgia after she already tried & was denied in Alabama?

Second question - Will the adoption be denied when the father shows proof of the first contestment & the saved e-mails since 2007?

Third question - Does any one know of a way to do this without a lawyer? Or if the state of Georgia will appoint him a lawyer? He can not afford one at the moment.

Any help or suggestions would be appreciated. We just can't believe that she would lie on paper, after being sworn legally to tell the truth. Surely that has to be against the law, right?

Synnen · Nov 9, 2009, 08:56 PM

I moved this from adoption to Family Law because really what you are looking for are the legal aspects of adoption.

I would not EVER recommend going into a custody or adoption case without a lawyer. You WILL lose if the other person has a lawyer.

ProudMommy09 · Nov 15, 2009, 08:15 PM

My husband just recently sent in a contestment for the adoption of his son by the mother's husband. He did this without a lawyer & the County Clerk said that once the paperwork wad filed, a hearing would be set. My question is what is going to be done at the hearing? Will my husband plead his case for why he should remain his son's legal father? We are going in this with out a lawyer. I know, some one will post that we need to get a lawyer but we were given 30 days to respond and we just do not have the money for the retainer fee. The clerk's office said a lawyer was not necessary so my husband did it himself. We have plenty of proof of his attempts to have a relationship with his son. The crazy thing is that the mother tried to have her husband adopt their son last year in another state. My husband hired a lawyer and contested that adoption. A court date was set but we were not present. Our lawyer was present but all she told us was that the judge said the matter needed to be handled between the two parties. The adoption was not granted yet my husbands lawyer never made a move to file for visitation. The mother moved away with his son again and we only now know her location because she is trying to have him adopted again! Therefore, we don't know what went on in the first contest hearing. Do we bring proof of my husbands attempts to see his son? We included all that in the contestment because the Petition for Adoption says my husband has not made an attempt to communicate with the child in four years. Obviously a lie because he contested the adoption last year and has spoken with the mother through e-mail many times, asking to see him. Anyway, that's not the point. We were just wondering what to expect at the adoption hearing?

Oh yeah, the hearing is going to be in Georgia whereas the first hearing was in Alabama. The cases are separate though. We honestly don't think the lawyer who drew up their papers knows about the adoption hearing in Alabama. If he/she does, I don't think they could say my husband hasn't tried to communicate.

Any thoughts or suggestions would be helpful. Thanks.

ProudMommy09 · Nov 15, 2009, 08:18 PM

My husband was only given 30 days to file his plea. Work has been slow for him lately and we honestly can not afford a lawyer's retainer fee. We would hire a lawyer if we could but the clerk of that county said there was no legal aid to help. We did file the contestment ourselves.

Thank you for the advice. Many people have told us the same. Did you have any thoughts on the other questions I asked?

justcurious55 · Nov 15, 2009, 08:28 PM

What do you mean "so the child wouldn't have to endure a DNA test"? It's a relatively simple test. If seeing the child is really something that's important than a dna test needs to be done and the father needs to get into court already and ask for visitation. No excuses. The mother is clearly unreasonable. To continue trying to reason with her is a foolish waste of time that could be better spent getting to know the child.

ProudMommy09 · Nov 15, 2009, 08:32 PM

We are aware of that but he is already 6. He at one point knew a foster father as Daddy, then my husband as Daddy, then she went through 2 husbands who he has called Daddy. We just felt it would be easier for him if she would sit him down and explain it to him rather than them being ordered to come in for a DNA test. Another reason for trying to reason with her is that we did not have her address. We only have it now because they sent the petition for the adoption.

Fr_Chuck · Nov 15, 2009, 08:42 PM

Father had done everything wrong,

He needed to years ago, get a custody order ( to include a visit order) from the court. And a court order for child support.

He will have to appear in court and hope the judge believes him that he has tried to contract, copies of letters, copies of emails, copies of Facebook contacts. And copies of phone bills showing telephone calls to them.

With that evidence he can show he has tried contact.

He will need to explain why in all these years he has never filed for visits though the courts.

And the last thing he wants to ever do is try to "reason" with the child's mother, that gives her all the power and allow her to lie, cheat and use child as a weapon.

justcurious55 · Nov 15, 2009, 08:44 PM

Do you really want her to be the one to explain all that to him? I get the impression she isn't the most stable or honest person (she lost custody, got it back, went through two husbands, and is trying for adoption again after already being denied it). It would probably be easier for him if his actual father sat down and explained it to him and was able to stay a steady part of his life (if he has a court order he would be able to enforce visitation and be a regular part of his son's life. Children need stability. The new dad every so often just cannot be good). Take advantage of having her address now and figure out a way to get a lawyer and get into court for visitation.

ProudMommy09 · Nov 15, 2009, 08:47 PM

Is he allowed to file for the legitimization process even though they have petitioned for the adoption? We asked the county clerk but we were told that she did not know. Should we wait for the adoption hearing or should he file now that he has her address?

Fr_Chuck · Nov 15, 2009, 08:53 PM

You can expect their lawyer to try and trick you, to file a motion perhaps that you don't understand.

Their attorney will try and have any and all of your evidence throw out for various reasons if possible. You will find their attorney trying to make you sound like a dead beat who has never paid a penny to the child, did not call, visit or write. They will most likely LIE and say of course you knew where they were at.

You will need to present as much evidence of how you searched for the chld when you did now know where he was. Show any attempts to file for visit in the courts, attempts to have mother served with court papers but could not be found perhaps.

If you have had contact proof of contact, copies of letters, emails, Facebook comtacts, copies of phone bills showing calls to them.

Their lawyer is going to lie and they are gong to lie that you never have tried to use any of your rights.

They will most likely try and prove you are trying to stop the child from being happy with a man who wants to be her dad.

ProudMommy09 · Nov 15, 2009, 09:03 PM

Thank you. I am pretty sure that they will lie. The whole Petition was pretty much a lie. We do have proof of everything. They have moved more than once since they have moved to Georgia. They have always been unlisted as well. Will the judge allow me to state my husbands case? He's not too big on the legal stuff and I could present it in a more appealing way if I would be allowed to speak.

Fr_Chuck · Nov 15, 2009, 09:05 PM

He should be filing for visitation, I have to assume that legitimization has already been proved ( is he not on the birth certificate? ) there is nothing to prove if he is on the birth certificate

You need to counter sue for everything you want, visits, ( in GA you have to submit a parenting plan)

ProudMommy09 · Nov 15, 2009, 09:19 PM

Well he is on the birth certificate & is considered to be the legal father in the state of Alabama.. Apparently, in Georgia none of that matters until he does the legitimation process.

ScottGem · Nov 15, 2009, 09:20 PM

Originally Posted by ProudMommy09

Will the judge allow me to state my husbands case? He's not too big on the legal stuff and I could present it in a more appealing way if I would be allowed to speak.

Probably not. You can probably sit at the table with him, but I doubt if you will be allowed to act as his representative.

The problem here is that you are going up against a lawyer trying to do it on your own. Hopefully the judge will be more sympathetic towards him because of that. But he is going in there with 2 srikes against him. However, you you may have enough evidence to show the mother is lying and acting in contempt of a court order (the original order for visitation).

As for the other case, you NEED to get a full transcript of that case and the judges order. You NEED to know exactly what went on in that cae.

ScottGem · Nov 15, 2009, 09:25 PM

I've also merged these two threads as they are the same issue.

If peternity was never legally established that's the first thing that has to happen. How did you become aware of this second adoption proceeding? Is it with the same husband?

ProudMommy09 · Nov 16, 2009, 12:36 PM

Yes, it is with the same husband. A sheriff delievered the petition to him at our house.

A DNA test was never done. Back in 2004, a child support court date was set. My husband,stupidly, did not show and was therefore named the legal father by dafualt judgment. He was also added to the birth certificate. A second date was set and neither he nor the mother showed. Therefore, the whole case was dropped. The mother also under oath stated that my husband has never been named the legal father by a final paternity court order. Him being named the father & added to the birth certificate is a court order right?

ScottGem · Nov 16, 2009, 01:23 PM

Well it depends on how a "final paternity court order" is defined. But since your husband is on the birth certificate and also named the legal father in a judgment, she can't get an adoption approved unless he agrees.

ProudMommy09 · Nov 16, 2009, 08:21 PM

Well according to these papers & the laws stated within it, his consent is not necessary if 1)he has not made an attempt to communicate with the child, 2)support has not been paid as ordered by law, or 3)petitioner can present evidence that the father has abandoned the child.

They claim to have all three of those reason for a TPR. Now,we can show evidence that none of these are true.

ScottGem · Nov 16, 2009, 08:31 PM

That's the point, they can claim he hasn't done those things, but can't prove it. Since you can prove that he has tried. So again if he doesn't consent they can't put the adoption through.

ProudMommy09 · Nov 16, 2009, 08:35 PM

Ok, Thanks! That's what we like to hear! As far as swearing to all that stuff under oath, can they get in trouble? We thought that they would for placing that 'Unknown father' ad last year but they didn't. I'm not hoping that they all go to jail or anything but I would like for them to realize that it is not okay to lie under oath.