[RocketDan]

Just thought I'd post on here to express how I'm feeling right now.

I'm a 19 year old University student. I'm also in the closet. Whether I'm gay or bi I don't know, one thing I do know is I'm not straight (however much I want to be).

In an almost ideal world I would be able to come out, however family/friend wouldn't understand. My Uncle - to whom is a huge part of our family - is homophobic (remarks such as 'they all need shooting' give this away NB his own daughter has had a relationship with a woman about a year ago), and my own mother thinks being bisexual is greedy. My own best friend has once been put in a situation where she had to keep a secret like mine for someone else, and things went drastically wrong and now they don't speak anymore. Its led me to not even be able to tell my own best friend.

I did mistakenly let it out to a couple of University friends, but they now act as if I never did, and it appears that they just don't understand what I'm going through in the slightest.

There is a girl who I'm close to certain I like. Stunning, and a brilliant personality, yet I don't know if I am sexually attracted to her. Its weird because I really would love to be part of her life in that kind of way, yet don't want to find out I aren't attracted to her once I'm there (if she accepts my offer that is).

Tonight I went on a date with another lass. Stunning also, but we didn't make good conversation. And I don't know if I'm attracted to her either. I don't want to be gay. If I am heaven forbid what I might do.

I'm a christian, and I'm indecisive on whether homosexuality is right or wrong. I feel like a coward, and feel like there is no way out of this mess. I have frequently thought of suicide (although I would never do that), and I also have self harmed a couple of times, but stopped when I realised this was to get attention.

I'm in complete hatred towards who I am, and I really need help and advice on how to deal with this. I don't want the 'pluck up the courage and come out' advice as I'm too cowardly to do that. I can't even talk to the people who know of my sexuality.

Please help.

[Clough]

Hi, RocketDan!

It looks like you would benefit from some group-type therapy with others who might be in similar situations with similar feelings to yours.

I know that the Metropolitan Community Church congregations are very gay/lesbian-friendly and that they do have groups of people that meet together for various reasons to lend support to one another. They are also a Christian denomination.

Perhaps there might be a church like that around where you are?

Hopefully, others will also come along to address your question.

Thanks!