[Scribble]

My girlfriend just proposed a break last night. We have been going out for 7 months now she was my first girlfriend and I have the best time of my life with her. I absolutely adore her and love. We started when we are both back at secondary school (I live in Ireland). But now I'm in college and she is in her final year of school. We only see each other once a week on Saturdays

Things started to happen about 2 weeks ago. She started to not call me and doesn't seem to text me back that frequently. Even though she said that she was busy working on her profolio after she finished she doesn't text me, she then said she's cycling and hanging out with her friends which I have no problems with. But it started to happen really frequently. Then last Saturday she can't meet up with me because she's not allowed by her mum cos she needs to study and do her art stuff (I do know that her mother is really strict on her study especially this is final year). I was disappointed but she still texted me in between. Then when she stopped I stopped too cos since she's working. But by 7 I still haven't gotten any text back, so I went on msn which she was online so I waited half an hour to see if she will give me a text but she didn't and went offline. After while I gave her a call at about 11 when she answered, I asked her why didn't she text me n she said she was waiting for me to then we didn't talk less than 2 minute and she said she have to go and said bye. She was hanging out with her friends.

The next morning I told her that I feel neglected, I'm not sure if I should had told her that but she said she was sorry and agree on that she will keep in contact more. We met up that day but a lot of the time she's talking about her friend which is a male which they have known since primary school, they always been messing in school but never hanged out much. I don't mind my girlfriend hanging out with male friends because she's always been a tom boy with many guy friends. But that night I just can't help it I felt very insecure due to my girlfriend acting weird, itexted her asking if she like him. She said no and she doesn't mind me asking cos her other friends asked her before. I explained myself why I ask and told her that I felt insecure. This was the first time she suggested that I need a break because she thinks lately I have been very dependent on her, that I need space to breathe and put my mind to better use than worrying about her. She said she doesn't mind if I need one. I declined about the break and she seem to not care.

Then last night I told her that she seems to having more fun with or without me. Then she proposed the break. She told me that I'm not the same person that she started with. She said it was so random back then and we go out everyday but now we have a routine. She also feels that she's only with me cos it convenient, then she doesn't want to mean it in a bad way. She felt that seeing her friends, they have no commitment and that this is the longest relationship she had been in without breaking up. She told me before the same thing that all her past relationship she always end up breaking up with then and sometimes they might get back together.

She said she needs a break, some of her friends are fighting with her and the friends that she is hanging out with are the only two that isn't. She said she doesn't know what to do and the break might actually break us up which she doesn't want that but at the time she does. Because every small thing I do gets her worried way too much, I do know that she has issues she went to therapy before. She said that normally she likes been by herself but she loves been with me but she's starting to see the point that one of her friend made that she changed when she was with me, for good and bad and she can't explain it.

She said she can't take her life anymore and she want alone time, she's knows that I'm in college I'm surrounded by new people and she doesn't want to lose me. And she's been thinking about us in the future and she just can't see it. She said wants friends, close friends and that she knows I can't be her friend while been her boyfriend. The reason was that she's knows she's controlling and she knows that I know that about her. She said she is more herself when she is with her friends than she is with me.

I told her that I don't know what I what to do if we break up. And she said "i think we should" and then said "you have to wait for me" I'm confused by this. She said were like a married couple and we moved too fast for our own good. Then she said she want to at least go on a break and have space to breathe. After that she said I do love you before she goes offline.

Before she went to bed she texted me saying she don't know how to break us up. I told her we still love each other then agree on just take a break. I told her we should take a break until her birthday which is next Friday that gives us a week to have our own space. She said she will talk to me on her birthday.

This really hurts I have been really happy with her, I love her, I have always there whenever she needs me and I always try to make her happy, we've been through arguments that almost break us up but at the end we always make it through. There are so much memories in the last 7 months, n I told her the memories last night n told me to stop cos she's crying. I just received her present that I ordered last week and before all these happen we just talk about her birthday, it just thinking of it. It hurts, everywhere I go it just reminds me been with her. I started to get teary eyed on the bus thinking about her, it hurts looking at stuff that she wrote to me and pictures she drew on my booklets, it hurts walking on that path where we both walk together to the bus stop when she is going home from mine or when I'm going to collect her when she's coming over to mine... I don't know how to coup with this, been in my own house right now hurts it just reminds me of her spending time here together. Im just a very emotional person, I actually cried when I'm by myself just thinking of her.

Im sorry for anyone that reading through this long story but I need to type it all out and it kind of felt better and can someone give me some advice to coup with this and your opinions on it.

Thank you

[rosemcs]

Relationships can get complicated when they don't need to be. Your story is very similar to the way Christian Carter in Catch Him and Keep Him states that girls act around guys.

When girls act too needy with guys, like they do not have a life of their own w/o the man, the man will pull away. The man realizes he is not the whole source of happiness for the woman.

You can reverse this and ask yourself if you are acting too needy. Get hobbies, distractions, studies. Enjoy time with your own group of friends. When she sees you have your own life, she will see you as more of a man.

A woman admires a little independence in a man, because it shows that he can be a good provider when the time is right.

It's a horrible time for you right now, but you have to stand on your own. Happiness for many men is being "single and free" too. Give yourself time to have some of your emotions dull a little without being around her... at least a month or three! Then you can see things from the outside of your emotions...

[Scribble]

Thanks for the reply. My girlfriend texted me last night and said we should break up for a while she said she's not saying she never wants to be with me and think going on break isn't making any difference. She asked me if we can stop dating for a while.

I told her if that's what she wants a and asked her if we be together again and not just giving me hope. She replied saying that I shouldn't wait for her and I should hold out for her, right now she just wants to be best friends. She said she loves me a lot but she's just not happy and want to be happy before making anyone else happy.

I told her I love her too and I only want to see her happy and told her that she always be the girl that made myself more open and I thank her then I said I will always be there whenever you need. She told me I can see her whenever I want and that we are still friends. We have small random conversation after this.

To rosemc, I do agree with you that after really looking into myself, I was really needy and always seem to want her attention, which probably end up pushing her away.

What's are peoples opinion on this? I feel sad and hurt about her leaving me maybe for a while or forever but for some reason I didn't get as sad I thought I would have. Do anyone think we might get back together?

[emopunk7]

No, you will not EVER get back together, but believe me that's a great thing! There will be someone else that you will fall in love with and she won't break up with you. Someone who loves you for you. Stay busy and keep looking forward. You will find someone very special that you can't even imagine. It happens every time!

[Scribble]

I do think about we might never get back together but there also a part of me that thinks she still want me back as time goes by as she said that she doesn't want to be in a relationship for a long time she even told one of her friend that. Maybe as time goes by for me I will lose this feeling for her.

Right now I can't really concentrate and I got a lot of assginments for college and a presentation due next week. How can I concentrate more? Im going out today with my friends which I haven't hang out much with since I started going out with her, maybe times with friends would help?

[amicon]

Sorry for your loss,breakups are tough, but see it as a chance for you to get to know more about yourself and what your goals are in life. Will you get back together? That's the question most people ask in the early days after a split but it rarely happens, and if it does rarely works out unless the issues that caused the breakup are worked out in a mature manner. Make sure you keep yourself busy and have people to talk to. You ll get over this. Good luck.

[redhed35]

I was wanted to clear up one point... is she in leaving cert year?

( leaving cert :final year in ireland,state exam in june)

[Scribble]

There have issues in our relationship but I think the main one was that we lack friends, I use to hang out with mine all the time and when I started going out with her I kind of stopped which was what she said she know she's controlling, she gets jealous very easily if she knows I'm happy with other people. I would continuosly not hang out out with them because of it. Which I know was wrong to do but felts like is OK as long as she's not going to get sad even though deep inside me I know is unfair. She knows that and seem to bring it up, making herself feel guilty. Now she wants friends and she's not happy with her life and because her been controlling she don't think we can be boyfriend and girlfriend right now.

To redhead, yes she is having her leaving cert exam this year.

[redhed35]

So she is 17 or 18?

So she is listening to pressure from the teachers,family and peers to do well in the exams.

Some of her confusion about you may stem from that.

The thing is,although your hurt now,you have bigger fish to fry,you have assignments due and your under pressure in college... this is one more thing that your dealing with...

Take a look at the big picture... your future,your life,your career.

Your both at different stages in your lives.. and both at different maturity levels...

The lack of communication,the controlling,the broken promises,the I want you,I don't want you,and confusion on her part,are all text book teenage relatonship angst.

Now,don't get me wrong,we all have to go through it,its how we learn,its not that she is a bad person,only that she has not got enough maturity and experience to give you the kind of relationship you want..

You can make a choice here, walk away and get on with your life,your in the adult world,she's not...

As much as it hurts,she can't give you want she does not know how to give,and all the reasoning and analyising in the world won't change that...

My advice is to go no contact,it hurts,and you will miss her,but for the sake of your own emotional health and mental health,it's a course of action I think you should seriously consider.

[Scribble]

I went out last night with friends, I didn't contact her at all the whole day and I wasn't planning to at all, I felt a bit better. But when I got back home from the pub I got a text from her mum asking if she's with me and that she can't get through to her.

I felt really worry about her and immediately texted her telling her that her mum was asking where you are and I was asking if she was OK. Then her mum texted me later that she was with her friends and I felt relieved and I texted my ex-gf back that I'm glad that she's OK. Few minutes later she texted me asking "what did you do all day?"... and I replied to her saying I went to my friends house and to the pub. She has'nt texted back but it was around half 2 when I texted her back because I was taking a shower.

I felt I'm a bit set back about not thinking about her. I know that she said she just want to be best friends for now but I can't help to think that she wants to be together with me or that she just texted me back because she felt like she have to or she just curious what I did?

[amicon]

Have you read the stickies at the top of the relationship page?
It's not a good idea to stay in contact with her-you need time and space to start getting over the breakup.
Contact now will only be confusing and upsetting.

[redhed35]

Perhaps she was just curious,that you cared,that you checked to see if she was OK,that's you being an adult... her not contacting her mother is teenager...

But even still,your doing the right thing,go no contact,and stick to it...

[Scribble]

I am a bit confused because she said we should break up for a while and she just want me as a best friend right now and she is just not happy and she want to be happy before making anyone else happy, she doesn't want to end up like what happen when she was in past years of school, she went to therapy and took medicine due to depression.

After she suggested we should break up for a while, which I agreed, we had such a normal conversation and joking smsing each other but I'm not sure if we only did that because we want to comfort each other or something? Yesterday morning the breaking up just sink into me and she did not text me at all before her mum texted me asking if she's with me which was at half 1 at night.

I just think by staying no contact I won't get back with her and we won't even be friends and I know that she doesn't want to date anyone soon because she told me and her friend that about a month ago. Her birthday is this Friday and I'm at least going to send her a text saying happy birthday... but I'm a bit confused

[rosemcs]

What is there to be confused about?

She let you know her feelings loud and clear? Your emotions just don't want to let her go.

How can someone that confuses and hurts you make you happy?

It's much easier to be single than to be confused and heartbroken.

[amicon]

You're feeling confused because it's only been a couple of days since you broke up. Most people feel this way but it'll pass with time. Try to get your days organized and keep busy.
And if you're going no contact you should'nt text her on her birthday.

[Scribble]

I felt a lot better now. Thanks for all the replies and thanks to that stickie 'How to get him/her back'. Those are some well written words.

She posted two comments on my bebo page but I haven't logged on since the next day of the break up so she doesn't know if I saw them or not. They are just asking how I'm I and such, she haven't send me any text.

Right after we broke up, which was 4 or 3 days ago, I told her that she can text me whenever she wants. So should I keep silent towards her despite what I had told her?

[rosemcs]

Stay in control and don't reply. Keep her wanting more and if she really wants you back, she will have to come and convince you. You deserve better. There are many beautiful women out there for you, and you can meet one that is ready for more of a straightforward relationship. My gosh, you are in college! I dated so many gorgeous men at that time of my life!

As it is now, she has told you that her life is better off without you... she is just trying to be nice about it.

[amicon]

I'm glad you're feeling better and by staying no contact you'll feel even better as the days go by.
My advice is don't reply.

[Scribble]

I broke no contact few hours ago. When I was on the bus making my way home from college. My ex sent me a text asking how am I. I didn't reply to her. Then about half an hour later she rang me twice to which I did not answer. When I got back which was about 15 minutes later she rang.

I then answered, I don't know, I think I just gave in. When I answered I asked her why she rang me. She said she had something to say or something to ask me but then she can't remember. Then we just had a very normal jokingly conversation for probably 10 min. She told me their not going out tomorrow night and probably go out on Saturday around where I live, because one of her friend invited her there and where I live has a lot of people that she knows so it will be handy for her. And she invited me out on Tuesday, she said there is a lot of people going out that day because there is public service strike on so no school or college. She told me she also got me a Christmas present already.

What are people's opinion on this? Does she really just want to be best friends?

[amicon]

I would hazard a guess that she wants you around as a friend or backup.
That in my book is unfair to you as it keeps you hanging around in limbo living in false hope that you'll get back together.
Nc and I mean total Nc is for you to get over the breakup.
It's your choice Scribble-do you want to wait around for weeks or months for something that may never happen?