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emopunk7 · Oct 25, 2009, 05:02 PM

Yeah, post 60 answered my questions... Thanx. That is a clear sign so it may be hard but she is a cheater. She can't be trusted so it can't and wouldn't work. Be glad you can find peace with a cooler girl.
My girlfriend once went out behind my back and when I went to her house she got a text and she deleted it and she cried and when I asked her who was it she said for me to leave and I deserve better... wonder what that meant?

rockie100 · Oct 25, 2009, 05:06 PM

Hate to be blunt... Like a fish, you have it on a string but if you get a better one, you might let that one go. All my answers have been given after reading post #60. I think you had been on this string of hers before the break up.

bjohnrupp · Oct 25, 2009, 05:08 PM

Originally Posted by emopunk7

Yeah, post 60 answered my questions...Thanx. That is a clear sign so it may be hard but she is a cheater. She can't be trusted so it can't and wouldn't work. Be glad you can find peace with a cooler girl.
My gf once went out behind my back and when I went to her house she got a text and she deleted it and she cried and when I asked her who was it she said for me to leave and I deserve better...wonder what that meant?.

Well it sounds like she was cheating based on what she said to you... do you think based on my story she was cheating on me with that guy? SHe kept saying he was from a state far away and he had a area code I've never seen but why would she say she'd do anything to get me to trust her again? I wish I read all the texts- stupid of me not to- I guess it would have killed if I dug deeper and found out she was.

emopunk7 · Oct 25, 2009, 05:14 PM

Yeah that messed up. She should have stopped talking to that guy after he made sexual references.. if she didn't cheat on you yet, she would have soon.

bjohnrupp · Oct 25, 2009, 05:17 PM

Originally Posted by emopunk7

Yeah that messed up. She should have stopped talking to that guy after he made sexual references..if she didn't cheat on you yet, she would have soon.

Yeah exactly- I think he was trying to get her to meet up with him or something and her saying " as long as you realize we are just "friends""- translation-" well I'll fu** you but I'm not going to be in a relationship with you because I have a fiance"

overayear · Oct 26, 2009, 03:49 PM

I think that she shouldn't of been texting this guy the min he made it clear that he wasn't looking at being a friend but something more. You should have left then, because the trust is broken. Regardless, I think you should continue doing what you are doing and take her off the high Pedestal you have her on. I am reading everything you are writing and there are def better ladies out there for you.

bjohnrupp · Oct 26, 2009, 04:47 PM

Thanks overayear- I definitely don't have her on that pedestal anymore. I probably should have left when I saw those texts but I was still madly in love with her at the time and she said all the right things and we made up.

Just today she sent yet another text saying hey, could you tell me why you're ignoring me?". I guess me blowing her off has really bothered her. I'm assuming it's the guilt creeping in and she thinks maybe I found out she cheated?

bjohnrupp · Nov 11, 2009, 09:22 PM

I found out my fiancé cheated on me for most of our relationship with numerous guys. She got away with it because she lived 1 1/2 hours from me so the 3 days a week that I wouldn't see her she'd go out partying/drinking.

To make matters worse she dumped me for her ex boyfriend from high school that she has always had a thing for. She even cheated on her boyfriend of 3 1/2 years with this same guy I found out.

Its been 3 months since I've been officially dumped and I've gone on about 10 dates. The problem is I think I am sending off a bad vibe because I never hear from the girls again after the 1st date. Relationships always come up during the date and I guess they could see I'm bitter/angry over being cheated on. How do you get past being cheated on and manipulated/played from someone you loved more than anything in the world? I can't seem to move on with my life because I still have so much anger/hurt inside. I feel that I can't trust girls now.:(

friend4u178 · Nov 11, 2009, 09:43 PM

If your bringing this up on your dates then definitely bad vibes.

bjohnrupp · Nov 11, 2009, 09:45 PM

Well they will ask me why did my last relationship end and I'd tell them why.

And they'll ask how long ago it ended and I'd tell the truth and they'd say I shouldn't be dating this soon.

friend4u178 · Nov 11, 2009, 09:50 PM

I would strongly suggest not bringing up anything about your past relationship on any 1st dates , if you have to deflect it by telling a couple of white lies that's what I'd be doing.

2ndTime · Nov 11, 2009, 10:24 PM

Jumping into a relationship right after a bad one will not make a better one. And if someone tells you that it is way too soon to date after a break up of relationship, take the advise. You obviously have not gotten over your bad relationship. You need to give some time for your anger to subside, so you can enter into the relationship with clean slate or you will always think the next person you date will cheat on you. If you don't think you can do this on your own, go get some counseling done. If you can't afford one, there's always a church around the corner and they can help without the cost.

bjohnrupp · Nov 11, 2009, 10:32 PM

I have done the no contact thing now for 6 weeks and have ignored all texts but my question is how long will it take before I'm not so bitter?
How come my ex was dating someone (at the same time as me which I found out later) in July and here it is November and I'm still struggling?

friend4u178 · Nov 11, 2009, 10:36 PM

6 weeks is nowhere near long enough to get over someone for most people. It just takes time I'm afraid , unfortunately there are no magic wands for the healing process.

Alty · Nov 11, 2009, 10:52 PM

For every day you spent in the relationship give yourself 3 days to get over it. That's my rule. ;)

If you're still bitter then you're not ready to date. Why not try just hanging out with friends, going for beers, playing pool, having fun?

It's when you're not looking that love comes along.

2ndTime · Nov 11, 2009, 10:58 PM

bjohnrupp, why are you stressing yourself out by comparing yourself to others? There is no real time line for a person to heal. It was easy for your ex to find someone else right away because she is a cheater who can't really love and doesn't know what a real love is. On the other hand, you have loved and have loved is better than not have known love at all. That's why it may take a little bit longer to forgive, forget, and let go.

Alty · Nov 11, 2009, 11:05 PM

Originally Posted by 2ndTime

bjohnrupp, why are you stressing yourself out by comparing yourself to others? There is no real time line for a person to heal. It was easy for your ex to find someone else right away because she is a cheater who can't really love and doesn't know what a real love is. On the other hand, you have loved and have loved is better than not have known love at all. That's why it may take a little bit longer to forgive, forget, and let go.

I don't agree.

Not all cheaters don't know how to love or know what real love is.

I was a cheater. I was not a good girl way back when. Most of the guys I dated didn't mean a thing to me, so it was no problem to cheat on them. I had a lot of issues, past abuse, and I didn't care enough about myself to give anyone a chance to love me.

Don't lump everyone into the same group.

I met a great guy. I met someone that loved me for me, that was willing to sit back and wait for me to figure it all out. We've been together for 19 years now, half our lives. We're married, have two beautiful kids and I haven't, nor will I ever cheat on him.

To say that all cheaters are the same, that's not fair. People change.

Not to say that the OP should forgive and forget, I think he's on the right path, but I just had to point out that we're all people, we all have problems, we all make mistakes, and it's not fair to lump everyone into a group that will never change.

Clunk, off my soap box. ;)

Silver Lining · Nov 11, 2009, 11:13 PM

Why not try just hanging out with friends, going for beers, playing pool, having fun?

It's when you're not looking that love comes along.

I agree with Altenweg...
Hang out with your frens,, have fun,, DON'T think about your past. Get over it before you go on a date.

If your gal left for another guy, why fret over it? She is not worth it. Why cry over spilt milk.. a fren once came home all happy and laughing. I asked her why she was so happy. She said she got dumped by her guy. They were together for 7 years. I was surprised. Why was she happy.. u know what she said? M glad he dumped me. With him, my glass was half full but to him, the glass was half empty. But now my glass is overflowing. I can find my true love. Now that's being positive. Be positive. There are a lot of fishes in the ocean. You need to have the patience to wait.

bjohnrupp · Nov 11, 2009, 11:17 PM

But why would someone be so cold/heartless to me and cheat with different guys when I did literally EVERYTHING for this girl. Took her on vacatuions, bought her stuff just for the hell of it, never even said 1 word to another girl- not one. I always hear stories like altenweg's about finding a great guy and she'd never cheat on him but I know I'm a great guy and great catch. I'm in very good shape and am always told I'm good looking and still got severely messed with

2ndTime · Nov 11, 2009, 11:18 PM

Altenweg, as you have said "I had a lot of issues, past abuse, and I didn't care enough about myself to give anyone a chance to love me," you really didn't give love a chance. So, how would you have known what a real love was? I am not putting you down. It sounds like too many issues that caused pain kept you from receiving love and loving others, while you've just abandoned yourself. Do you think that was love?