[salvadorlimones]

Hi, I am 33 year old and stuck between these two girls,

First one is my first love which I know for over 17 years. We had a 5-6 years stable relationship which was then ended by her. However, we never got apart. We were always good friends and even joined for couple of times. We managed to start again as a stable committed relationship in the beginning of this year after my radical change of getting out of depression. (I was in depression after she broke up with me, got in further depression after another girl broke up with me and then I decided to take possession of my life) She was in love with the new lively me and she said she felt like home after those many stormy years. I proposed her and she accepted. Unfortunately we managed to separate just one night before our engagement day and we had rough days since then. However I always had that strange feeling that I am really connected to her and she is the one.

Second one is a girl which I know for 5 months and I am dating seriously with her for 14 days only. I am not sure if it is love or lust or something else but there is this feeling that she is custom made for me. She has all good qualities I have been asking for and missing in my previous relationships. She had one big traumatic relationship in the past which she opened up to me and all she wanted from me was trust and being honest. I have a real excitement for her at the moment. I just want to spend my entire day with her even if we do simple things together.

A couple of days ago the first girl send SMS telling how she misses me, how she wants to reconnect and how she wants to continue with the marriage thing. She sent a couple of messages. I was paralyzed with her messages and I managed to write a long letter to her few days later telling about my new relationship. Then we started talking over the phone and it was beautiful. I was unable to stop myself and started crying after the conversation with her. Talking with her brought up very beautiful memories. Although I am not feeling ready for marriage and I do not have a passion for her, I realized that it is very hard for me to live knowing that she is not my lover or friend.

On the other hand, I am not sure what will happen with the second girl after my passion is over. I have the fear of giving up on a very long relationship for a very short excitement. To be honest, this selfish boy inside me wants both; to try the new one and if it does not work out go back to the old one. I know neither it is the best thing to do and will damage both relationships unnecessarily. This dilemma is killing me. I am so confused. I cannot stop seeing the new one and cannot stop talking the old one to give me time. I have to make a decision whether to go back and try with my old girlfriend, or just try this new one even in some time future I will regret what I have done. I know people in here give quite rational and trusty advice. Thanks in advance.

[kctiger]

The second one sounds dangerously close to rebound material (i.e. "lust'"). How long in between the break off the engagement did you start seeing this new girl?

[salvadorlimones]

Its more than 5 months between the breaking of engagement and the new girl. Also she had a crush on a man during this period, which I helped her to get over it.

I have seen my ex-fiance almost once a month where as I spent 2-3 hours in 4-5 evenings/week with this girl together in a group sports for the last 3 months.

[kctiger]

It seems like to me you have displayed a pattern of falling for girls and building your life around them. I don't see any reason to believe that is broken. You battled depression multiple times because of break ups and I think it would benefit you to completely detach yourself from relationships and build a life around yourself. I see a problem with your feelings becoming way too attached, way too fast, as it is almost a reliance on females to make you feel better about yourself.