What should I do?

amicon · Oct 29, 2009, 03:04 AM

Not a good idea,as you ll only wonder if she ll respond in any way.
Ignore birthdays Christmas and all other such occasions.
Time for you to move forward and heal properly from the breakup.

tuck60 · Oct 29, 2009, 03:09 AM

I don't want her to respond though but feel it's something I want to do. I feel OK about the whole break up now I think and don't want her to think I'm being immature etc by ignoring her.

kappachino · Oct 29, 2009, 04:34 AM

Tuck60 - she is your EX girlfriend - and someone's current one now. You do not owe her a card - it is not rude to go NC - you will be self preserving; she has moved on now, you deserve to as well. By accepting calls/responding to texts etc, you are alleviating her guilt and prolonging the agony of yourself moving on. She will still have an element of control over your life unless you decide otherwise... good luck :)

tuck60 · Nov 11, 2009, 01:45 AM

Well today is her birthday, I haven't sent a card and have no plans to contact her in anyway. It has been 5 weeks now of full NC and things are already starting to feel better. The only thing I think is quite sad is that obviously over the two years we grew really close and now we can't even speak to each other. I know it's for the best though will keep up NC, to be honest I find myself thinking of her less and less already. Thanks for all the tips.

amicon · Nov 11, 2009, 03:25 AM

Good to know you re doing well-keep the NC and keep us posted.

tuck60 · Nov 23, 2009, 05:40 AM

Took abit of a minor setback at the weekend and spoke to my ex quickly on sat. I was on a night out on Friday and saw her cousin and this made me think of her. I'm dissapointed I broke NC but don't feel that affected by it, she is doing fine and is seeing someone else and I'm fine with that as I don't want her to be unhappy. I myself am not seeing someone else but did have a one night stand a few weeks ago which I regret. I guess I'm just worried I won't meet anyone who I can spend and enjoy time with again as I have never been that great with women.

amicon · Nov 23, 2009, 05:57 AM

Relax Tuck you'll meet someone when you least expect it. It's early days yet and just enjoy being single for a while and building a happy relationship with yourself.

tuck60 · Nov 23, 2009, 08:52 AM

Thanks for your words, I know it makes sense but kind of feel we could be friends still. Im going to go back to no contact anyway.

talaniman · Nov 23, 2009, 08:55 AM

Good idea Tuck, after you have healed a gotten a solid foundation under you, friendship is possible. But for now, no reason to force yourself into something that your not ready for.

tuck60 · Dec 18, 2009, 03:05 AM

It has been a month again since any contact with my ex, I'm doing OK but still think about her and her family a lot and have been tempted to ask if she is OK. I haven't though so am pleased with that. The whole situation has just dented myself esteem more than anything and its hard to try and get it back up again.

amicon · Dec 18, 2009, 03:19 AM

Stick to the no contact-you're on the right track-it's a question of time and patience now. Keep busy and make sure you don't get stuck overthinking the past.
Make sure you have something to look forward to every day.

tuck60 · Dec 18, 2009, 04:12 AM

Originally Posted by amicon

Stick to the no contact-you're on the right track-it's a question of time and patience now. Keep busy and make sure you dont get stuck overthinking the past.
Make sure you have something to look forward to every day.

I am keeping busy with work and going to the gym and stuff like that, but that's not really anythink to look forward too so then I just ponder about the past.

talaniman · Dec 18, 2009, 07:28 AM

Work and the gym may not be glamorous, but is something to look forward to, and you can add some hobbies to that list also.

tuck60 · Dec 18, 2009, 07:45 AM

I guess so but the fact that she is already seeing someone else just makes me worse because she has moved on and found someone who she thinks is better. I don't feel like I want her back or anything like that, just miss speaking to her and don't feel that I will be ready to meet someone new anytime soon and that is what is frustrating.

talaniman · Dec 18, 2009, 07:49 AM

Yes it can be, when your focused on her and what she is doing, and not doing enough of your own thing. Those feelings will pass, as you get better at doing for yourself, and finding reasons to be happy with what your doing.

amicon · Dec 18, 2009, 07:52 AM

There's nothing wrong with being happy and single. Be happy being you,then when the time is right you'll meet someone who'll be right for you. There's no hurry.

tuck60 · Dec 18, 2009, 08:11 AM

I know it takes time but it obviously didn't take her time, which just makes me think I must have made her really unhappy and I was never anything but nice to her. I am quite a quite person as well which means I am less likely to meet new people

amicon · Dec 18, 2009, 08:19 AM

We're all different and what she did or does doesn't matter anymore-or it shouldn't. Like Tal said find some new hobbies-that's one way of meeting new people.

tuck60 · Dec 20, 2009, 01:31 PM

After breaking up with my partner of two years in September I have struggled to meet new people. I'm quite a quiet person and the way the relationship ended dented my confidence further. I have been going out to bars etc with friends but have not met anyone and don't feel like I will any time soon. Any Tips?

redhed35 · Dec 20, 2009, 01:37 PM

Its only been 3 months,12 weeks... it might take a little longer before your ready.

Just take it easy on yourself and enjoy the nights out and being with your friends, when the time is right,you'll know.