[clayhead]

So about 6 months ago I met this amazing guy at a Dead show in Washington. Unfortunately we live on opposite coasts. Go figure. One thing lead to another and where are now in a relationship... well were. We have visited each other once each and saw one another in Michigan as well. We've of course we've,or me, have been having issues. I think we're both confused as what to do.

I noticed about a month ago that communication was dwindling. We're both in school. Im on my thesis year and extremely busy with that as well. I don't need to have long conversations with him daily.. or even short. But its nice to talk every few days with a short hey wats up, just thinking about u email somewhere in between. He knows this, I've explained a few times... but there continues to be times when we don't talk for 4 to 5 days and if we do he's fairly short or unattentive (usually calls when he heads to bed--we're on a 3 hr time difference which doesn't help). I also noticed that he says he'll call (later in the day or evening)and doesn't. It agitates me because I try to take time out of my day to talk to him, but he can't seem to. I try to be a phone call away. He's usually a phone call and 1 to 3 days away. He just doesn't seem to or want to make the time to make this work.

So I wrote him an email the other day explaining all my feelings toward the relationship.told him to take the time he needs to figure out how he feels about this relationship... about me. He's someone I see myself with 20 years down the road. Oh I might add there is a bit of an age difference.im 27 he's 21. He's mature and chill but I'm very aware what 21 was like.

I mentioned an open relationship, in which he wasn't too keen about.he thought it would lead us to meet someone else. Neither of us really want to break up. We'll I don't because I want to try and make it work.maybe he wants out?. just doesn't want to be the one who initiates the breakup. We've talked about a break. But how can you take a break from someone you never see.

Im very confused by what he has told me.
1. he doesn't want to break up
2.he/we can't really call this a relationship
3. doesn't want an open relationship
4. said at one point he can commit


Im just trying to figure out where to go from here. This is someone that I really want in my life... as a partner. We have very similar goals and dreams... values. I want it to work. Its hard being in a ldr.. I know. He and maybe myself has a "if it works it works, if it doesnt then it wasn't meant to be"... attitude. I just want him to want to try to make it work, and really try.
Ive known people that have made a ldr work... I hope for the same for us.I just feel he's not sure and not taking it somewhat seriously. Hell he's the one who said he can commit. His uncertainty has lead me to wonder "maybe i should just, make that choice to spare any heartache". Ive considered ending it. I'm just not sure what to do. Id really appreciate some outside imput. Thanks

[amicon]

As you ve only actually seen each other three times after the first meeting you ve not gone through the getting to know and falling in love with each other stages of a relationship. Both these take time.
You re on the opposite side of your country and will be for a long time?
And there is the age difference-never mind him possibly being a mature 21 year old.
Sorry if I sound harsh but do you truly see yourself with this man twenty years down the road?

[clayhead]

We've done that.. but over the phone.we spent countless nights talking over the phone the first 2 to 3 months. When we visit(usually about 5-7 days) things are great.
I graduate in may.we've talked about me moving there but its not really doable since we both want to be on the west coast.(he wants to move when he graduates-2011).
There's very few that I have thought I could make a life with. He's one of those. He's young. Has just begun a journey to figure himself out. Its hard to do that when your with someone. But I want to be there for that change to see him evolve as a person. And to accept that change and grow with him as well.

[I wish]

Sometimes, people's feelings change. Sounds like he liked you a lot before, but his feelings for you have diminished.

You've already told him how you feel about the situation and there's no change in his behavior.

You can try to tell him a few more times, but if you're not getting what you want soon, then this relationship is going to end whether you want it to or not.