[admin7]

After reading around on this forum I feel like my story isn’t significant anymore and many people have experience what I have, but I do want to share my situation with everyone.

Me and my ex started dating when we were both 19 years old. She had just started college and I was out of high school taking a few years off. We hung out with the same group of people. On new years 2005 one of her friends advised me that she had feelings for me. We started talking and everything started dating a few days later. We spent several months in the town we got together in and eventually she left for college, I visited her every weekend and within a month moved to where she was and moved in together.

Everyone including both my parents and hers told us it was a bad idea to move in with your boyfriend / girlfriend but we didn’t care. Everything worked on great for 4 years, I went to college, got a great job, we traveled to Europe for two weeks and we had some of the greatest memories together with one and other. In April 2008 she received a job offer back in our home town which she accepted.

I stayed back for a few months and waited for our lease to end and moved back with her where we got an apartment together. We lived in the apartment for 2 months when she broke the news to me. She told me that she had been thinking about it for awhile and needed time alone to discover who she is. I didn’t want to accept this right away and pleaded and begged her to take me back, I did and said some horrible things that I deeply regret now.

She told me she needed time alone, but there is this new guy in her life which she used to date back in high school which she has been spending a lot of time with. In my opinion he isn’t right for her. He has his own set of problems, has spent time in prison and I don’t believe will ever be able to love her like it did / do. One thing that really hurts is this guy seems like trash to me, and she has replaced me with him. Which makes me feel really low.

It’s been two months now since we’ve broken up. She still calls me and I call her. She is coming over on Monday to help me with a school project in a class she knows more about then I do. It’s hard to spend time with her but when I do it makes me feel good. I truly believed she was my soul mate but didn’t want to propose till we were both done with school. I don’t understand how her feelings could change so drastically, I tried everything I could do to make her happy. I was disappointed about her accepting a job where she did, and I ed and complained maybe a little too much which I think kind of triggered her decision.

I know this is probably the wrong way to think but I really do want her back. I think she needs time to think, I hope one day she’ll realize what we had and will want to get back together. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

[redhed35]

It would seem that she has moved on...

You are unwilling to accept the situation as it stands and harbor hope that she will change her mind...
I don't think it would matter who she was with!

The thing is,she most likely won't come back... of course I don't know for sure,but your situation is not unheard of nor the first of its kind.

My advice is too start no contact.. find someone else to help you with school work etc,leave her to her life and start yours... its the only way you will move forward and heal...

Start no contact... if you read the stickies at the top of the relationship thread,there is great advice and suggestions and similar stories to yours... people do move on from relationships and heal.

One more thing,the soul mate thing,if you were soul mates surely she would know it too... soul mates recongise each other,or so the story goes,its not a soul mate situation if she's not feeling it too,perhaps she is feeling it with this other guy?

[I wish]

I don't think it's any 1 specific thing that you did. After a 5 year relationship, it's most likely an accumulation of things.

It's a bad idea to keep in contact while she needs space. It will make you over-analyze all the details and influence each other's thought process when she's suppose to be finding herself.

Leave each other alone until she figures out what she wants. Focus on healing from this break up. You can be friends after yo heal.

Furthermore, by hanging around, you will become her backup plan. While she's out exploring with this ex boyfriend of hers, you're stuck being her safety net. If it doesn't work out with this guy, or any other guy she might meet, she can always come crying back to you.

Put your foot down and stop being her doormat.

[admin7]

I don't want to give up on her, she's very important to me. I'll probably try the no contact plan, but I find it hard to give up on someone I care so much about.

[amicon]

Staying in contact with her prevents you from healing from the breakup which is what you need to concentrate on now.
Every time you meet her you rekindle false hope and you set yourself back.
Like redhed said find somebody else to help you out with your work and spend time with friends doing things you enjoy.

[redhed35]

I don't want to give up on her, she's very important to me. I'll probably try the no contact plan, but I find it hard to give up on someone I care so much about.

And what are you chopped liver? What about your heart,your head,care about your wellfare!

Change your focus... you are emotionally self harming hanging on to a relationship that is over... she may never come back to you,she may never care for you... forever is a long time to wait on your own,and that flame your holding won't keep you warm...

If she is going to come back.. and I say IF... fair enough,but instead of coming back to someone who's confidence is shattered,work on being happy on your own,its more attractive and you will feel a whole lot better.

[admin7]

Another problem that I'm going to experience is the town we live in is fairly small. We both have the same friends. So no matter what I do we will eventually end up seeing each other here and there because of our friends. I'm almost thinking I have to move away.

[redhed35]

Another problem that I'm going to experience is the town we live in is fairly small. We both have the same friends. So no matter what I do we will eventually end up seeing each other here and there because of our friends. I'm almost thinking I have to move away.

Unless it's a one horse town you can distance yourself from this... 20 year marriages have broken up in small towns and the people involved can distance themselves from each other,at least until you feel you can be in her company without feeling a longing or hurt... and if you commit to no contact the same way to have committed to trying to hold on to her, you will heal and you will move on.

[admin7]

I agree with a many things that have been posted on this forum, but I also think if you want something you have to go for it. We hung out last night and she helped me with my paper. After that we went and got a bottle of wine and had a few glasses and talked. For some reason she believes she has more in common with this new guy she is with, but when we talked last night I mentioned the thousands of things we have in common that she seems to have forgotten. She told me last night that she hasn't had a deep conversation with anyone like we had since we broke up. I don't think she'll ever be able to communicate as well with someone as she was able to do with me. I want the best advise I can get to work on getting her back. I'm not going to completely move on and regret giving up someone I think was meant for me. The guy that I previously talked about is just a friend that she thinks she might have feeling for. We've only been broken up 2 months and I think what I should do is give her time alone. No contact from me so she realizes what she's missing. My only fear is with time apart she will just forget about me. Any advise other then move on would be appreciated. Thanks

[I wish]

Small town or not. Mutual friends or not. Going for what you want or not.

The point is, if you stay in contact with her, you will continue to have false hope and over-analyze all the details. Both of which are unhealthy behavior.

These behaviors will cause you to prolong your pain and suffering.

If that's the path you want to follow, then go ahead. We can't stop you.

But if you want to heal, then no contact is a very useful tool. Once you've healed, you will be in a better position to face the situation, because the emotional dust will have settled down.

[xadmin]

Very good advice here. Listen to everybody here.

[514alex]

This site is very useful and has really helped me. Look up my post its quite similar. But know most people here always push the breakup option as opposed to help you try and get her back... No Contact is very popular here
Together 3 years only to have her realise she needs a lot of space, there was another guy and they had good chemistry apparently.
Well from reading this site and peoples advice I realised I was not as happy as I thought in the relationship. When you are in love you are blind. When there is another guy it's a competition that your ego does not want you to lose.
BUT ----
The other guy makes you realise she hurts you, you love her less in turn. Then you start thinking... are you really as happy as you thought?? Really think about it and post here a list of pros and cons about your relationship.
So when she hurt you with him and made you love her less she made you open up your eyes.
Someone meant for you would not do that to you... would they??

Myself things have calmed down and we arte working stuff out but I think in my head that I'm not happy anymore after what she did and I need a change. So women out there be careful what you wish for. The time you need to figure yourselves out is the time we take to look things over and maybe think about moving on and leaving you behind.