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inertia · Nov 5, 2009, 12:39 PM

I've noticed that a lot of women seem to criticize the hell of out their partners. Why?? I know it's certainly fodder for SitComs, but in reality... why? I know "men don't listen" and other quasi truths like this exist, so this isn't any kind of attack. For the women who are guilty of this... why?? Examples: How your SO dresses, his hobbies, how he farts, brushes his teeth, how he deals with other people. Men don't seem to pick on this kind of stuff with women. Most of us guys just aren't that critical I guess. It's like it's "cool" to be irritated or something. Why henpeck?? I've tried to deal with it a number of ways from ignoring it, fighting back, making jokes etc. There is no solution. Obviously, this pertains to long term relationships as the first year is always free of this behavior.

Maximilian4073 · Nov 5, 2009, 12:53 PM

Like many people on here, you answered your own question.

There is no solution.

Just accept this.

You will be a lot happier.

HotPotato2009 · Nov 5, 2009, 12:54 PM

I can't agree with you 100% on this. I have to say that though you say woman do this... men do it too. I know a few men that henpick (as you say) to their girlfriends/wives. I don't know why people do that. Its life I guess. You either deal with in the relationship or not. So to answer your question, yes I would say its normal

inertia · Nov 5, 2009, 01:01 PM

I meant henpeck... Really?? Nagging men?? I tried it as a defensive tactic a few times. Where I would nag instead to show someone how irritating it is. Of course that just gets turned around on me and becomes a bigger fight.

To Max: I asked Why like 5 times, not how to solve it. So maybe you should take a little more time in answering questions... you will be a lot smarter.

Maximilian4073 · Nov 5, 2009, 01:11 PM

Was just attempting a little levity. You really want a serious answer to this question? First off, you can't restrict it to gender, that is for certain. But other than that, you figure this one out (and what to do about it) and you're going to be the richest man alive. I would ask you this. What will knowing why this happens help you?

HotPotato2009 · Nov 5, 2009, 01:17 PM

Yes men do nag. Just the same as women. Max has a point when he said "you can't redtrict it to gender". Eveybody does it. Some more than others.

inertia · Nov 5, 2009, 01:23 PM

Well aside from being the richest man on earth, I suppose it will finalize my plans on remaining unmarried.

inertia · Nov 5, 2009, 01:25 PM

Anyway, I wasn't trying to have a debate. I just wanted some women list answers (aside from because men don't listen).

Cat1864 · Nov 5, 2009, 01:43 PM

Originally Posted by inertia

so this isn't any kind of attack. For the women who are guilty of this...

First, you are attacking when you use a phrase like "who are guilty".

Second, you are angry. I don't think you want an answer or a debate as much as to start a fight to get something off your chest. Please, take a breath and calm down.

Third, everyone 'nags' in his/her own way. Most of the time the person doesn't realize he/she is nagging. Tone, word choice and actions can all be a part of 'nagging'.

Fourth, to someone who is expecting 'nagging' any type of criticism or questioning (even a friendly comment) can be seen as 'nagging'.

amicon · Nov 5, 2009, 01:57 PM

You posted something similar a month ago that thread was closed-my personal opinion-dont try to provoke people

artlady · Nov 5, 2009, 02:08 PM

One thing I will admit to as a woman that my long term BF sees often times as nagging is being too nurturing.

If he is sick ,I will make him take medicine and make him rest and he sees this as me treating him like a child or nagging.

I see it as being a nurturing caring partner.

Another thing is I pride myself on not being a nagger but I get accused of nagging when I send him to the store.

He never pays attention to what I tell him to get.So I tell him again and ask him to repeat it (he refuses a list)This is also considered nagging,according to him.

I think when women try to tell men how something should be done that they are perhaps new at(such as laundry or ironing or sewing),their egos get bruised and they see this as nagging.

Its all about perspective.To me,I am being helpful,to him I am treating him like a fool who doesn't know what he is doing.

This is, all in all "generally speaking"!

redhed35 · Nov 5, 2009, 02:24 PM

I have to put my hand up here and say when I was married I had a p.h.d in 'i told you so!'

But then of course he was a twit.

We divorced.

Fast forwards five years and new relationship.

I don't sweat the small stuff,granted we don't live together,I guess I mellowed with age,and he's as laid back as they come.

As for dealing with the problem,my mother has a great comeback to my father... 'if you did it the first time I asked I would not have to tell you again!'

Works for her.

tara1 · Nov 5, 2009, 04:16 PM

Women don't think of it as "criticism". They think "making improvement" or being "helping/caring etc".

Why do men always see this kind of nagging as criticism? Don't you always know at the back of your mind that its for your own good?

artlady · Nov 5, 2009, 09:19 PM

Originally Posted by redhed35

i have to put my hand up here and say when i was married i had a p.h.d in 'i told you so!'

but then of course he was a twit.

we divorced.

fast forwards five years and new relationship.

i dont sweat the small stuff,granted we dont live together,i guess i mellowed with age,and hes as laid back as they come.

as for dealing with the problem,my mother has a great comeback to my father....'if you did it the first time i asked i would not have to tell you again!'

works for her.

IF they did listen or take a list.. there would be no reprimands and everything would be :cool:

talaniman · Nov 5, 2009, 11:18 PM

Yes dear! (She knows I don't listen so why ask? ) :eek::rolleyes:

summer7 · Nov 6, 2009, 12:16 AM

Hi,
Sorry you are having this experience! I can see how this would cause you to get sour. Well, I'm a female and I would not treat my guy this way. I do have some relationships with male friends where we engage in "barbed banter" but it's all in good fun and doesn't go too far.

My guess is that you are a really nice guy and you are attracted to those feisty girls. There's nothing wrong with feisty but disrespect is not OK. Not all girls are like this. I would not treat my guy disrespectfully and I would not allow him to treat me that way either.

Really get to know a girl before getting involved. Listen to how they talk about others for clues. If you get involved and they start with the stupid remarks, tell them, "You know, I really like you but I don't like sarcastic remarks. I want us to have respect for each other."

You are just picking the wrong women. Do some soul searching and also examine why all these women feel that they can toss these hurtful things at you. What signals, body language or relationship behavior on your part makes them think they can get away with it? See what you can change... then you will attract different women. I hope this helped you a little.
Good luck!

Click Here: Getting Along with Critical People

Gemini54 · Nov 6, 2009, 04:58 AM

I do think that there is a type of woman that is very critical and judgmental of men. But, I don't think it's 'normal' - whatever 'normal' is. It's actually a way of trying to control their partner.

You see women have got one thing that men want (I'm not going to be crude here), and some men aren't too discriminating who they get it from.

Cute face? - tick
Nice breasts?- tick
Firm butt ? - tick
Willing & able? - tick

After the lust wears off, what some men find is that they're stuck with a princess, or a control freak or critic or something that they had no idea was there, because they weren't looking for the right things.

Summer has made some really good points - it's important to observe the women you lust after and make sure that their actions match their words. Observe how they treat and talk about other people, and if they have the capacity for self reflection.

No person is perfect but in an ideal world your flaws, personal quirks and issues shouldn't be held against you whether you're male or female!

s_cianci · Nov 6, 2009, 05:08 AM

I was married to a "henpecker" for 10 years. And guess what? I'm not married to her anymore. The divorce was her idea but she did me a huge favor by leaving, I'll tell you that. Why do you suppose she left? Because, in her own words, I "have nothing to do with her." And why do you suppose I had nothing to do with her? Yep, you've guessed it! Unfortunately the kids are the ones who are suffering now (which is why I never would've left her.) So I would agree and say, to all women everywhere, lighten up, as your nitpicking does more damage than you could imagine.

inertia · Nov 6, 2009, 09:16 AM

Thank you to everyone who responded. BTW, I don't chase mean girls. Only one has ever nitpicked me to death. I was just relaying my observations regarding a few of the relationships I have witnessed. From my point of view; the nagging seemed to be a mixed bag of "for my own good" and "because she's never satisfied with anything (including herself)". I know a lot of women are just perfectionists and I'm not too different, but I focus my efforts and energy on myself. I don't tell other people how to improve their life (unless asked).

To sunshine: The girl that henpecked me was (by all outward appearances) a darling to people. It took a long time for her "real" opinions of people (including me) to come to the surface. I don't just chase looks ladies. However, I'm speaking in generalities for this topic anyway.

I agree that a certain amount of "help" or "advice" from someone can bruise the ego. As a guy; you want to say "look, I've made it this long without you and I was able to reel you in, so I can't be all that helpless".

I'm still terribly stubborn and I tend to grind to a halt in rebellion if I feel manipulated, pressured or forced to do something. Which invites more "nagging". I know it's kind of immature of me. I was with some friends a while ago and we were talking about my future plans. A few of the girls said I just needed a good woman and all of my guy friends jumped in saying I didn't work that way. The girls told me every woman wants to change a man and if I resist too much, I'll always be alone. I guess their right.

smoothy · Nov 6, 2009, 09:26 AM

Originally Posted by tara1

Women don't think of it as "criticism". They think "making improvement" or being "helping/caring etc".

Why do men always see this kind of nagging as criticism? Don't you always know at the back of your mind that its for your own good?

Some women seem to latch on to "find and point out every little thing they think is wrong" behaviour... so much it becomes habit to them.

It has to do with free will. If you say it once, maybe even twice... its advice... but when it becomes constant criticism... THEN its nagging.

THe same behaviour many times when done by a guy can be considered controlling behaviour. Its all about perspective... and introspect. How would YOU feel if you was on the reciving end of someone else's "advice" on "making improvement".

See, there is usually more than one perspective and its not always the correct one. And anything done to excess can be considered an irritant to someone else.