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lp2009 · Oct 29, 2009, 04:43 PM

Originally Posted by kappachino

doesnt sound like she wants any sort of relationship at the moment :)

I don't know, its tough to call, cause we are officially exclusive, bf/gf, we are in college, and her ex was her only other boyfriend, I have a feeling they'll get back together, I don't know, but I want to know what I can do to prevent that from happening, and see if I can make it work with me and her

talaniman · Oct 29, 2009, 07:09 PM

Again, just have fun getting to know her. She has obviously latched on to you, so stop thinking and wishing and enjoy the ride while it lasts, or given the facts make a decision.

I think when she told you she didn't want a serious relationship, but an exclusive on, that was the time for questions, and answers.

That would at least been a way to find out where your at instead of being confused.

Okay I will concede your inexperience, and even give you credit for not wanting to lose a good catch. But again I warn you about falling under her charms to fast with knowing the FACTS that you do and that she has been upfront about it.

Trust me, if her mind changes, you will be the first to know.

Now why does she want her mother on your Facebook list? That's odd to me. Now that's something you don't have to assume what it means, and should ask about. Have you met or something??

lp2009 · Nov 4, 2009, 03:43 PM

So, she told her ex that she doesn't think they'll happen again, she still got upset the last time they talked, but they aren't going to anymore. Lately we've been getting really close, I think she's falling for me, we had our 1 month aniv. And things went well... I guess here is a case where the rebound works out!

talaniman · Nov 4, 2009, 03:58 PM

How would you know after only a month?

The only thing that's happened is she decided to stop talking to an ex.

Of course that's good news to you, but don't get carried away.

overayear · Nov 4, 2009, 04:07 PM

I hate to say this but for some crazy reason I don't think it's the last time she will talk to her EX. Maybe she will but I wouldn't get my hopes to high. They seem to have a lot of un finished biz. You guys have only been together for a short period. I would slow it down a bit.

lp2009 · Nov 4, 2009, 09:01 PM

I don't understand how you can't start falling for someone after a month? She really likes me, we spend a lot of time together, I don't suspect that she's over her ex yet because the last argument they had she got pretty upset, but they won't talk anymore so she'll get over him. I mean if she's been with me for a month, she should have a good idea of who I am, and probably thinks it'll be a long term thing right? I thought relationships either fizzled out in the first month or so, and if not they usually make it to at least the 8th month mark

amicon · Nov 5, 2009, 12:43 AM

When we come out of a relationship we need time out to heal from the breakup-going from one relationship to another means we haven't got rid of the baggage from the previous one.
That's why rebounds seldom work.

emopunk7 · Nov 5, 2009, 01:19 AM

This isn't basketball, but I'm going for the rebound.
I don't even care how stupid I sound.
I'll ignore all the signs, ignore her own words.
I'll just send a note of hope, straight up with the birds.

I believe in fairytales, oh yes, oh yes I do.
I'll keep telling myself this, even if I know it's not true.
She seems to confuse me many times.
It's kind of getting lame, just like all these rhymes.

She wants me, but she also wants the ex.
Says she will forget him, will she forget the sex?
This relationship is already taking its toll.
I know I should move on, but I'll ignore my role.

I'll drive myself crazy, I will settle for less.
This devilish relation, I hope God will bless.
I'll be her rebound, though she needs her time to heal.
I will ignore what my brain is saying, because this is how I feel.

I guess I will learn the hard way, not listening to you.
Thanks for all the hard work, but nothing you can do.
I will continue ignoring your advice, as you can see.
So when you are finally right, I'll be back on AMHD!

lp2009 · Nov 5, 2009, 05:55 AM

I still don't understand, no matter what... she needs time before she gets into a new relationship? We are taking it slow, I mean I'm catching feelings quickly but its been a month and we have been taking it slow, I heard that helps the relationship, she still doesn't mention her ex even though, up until now they were talking every few days, but she said she was done with him, done talking, she doesn't think they're going to get back together again, she's very loyal so all her focus is on me now

talaniman · Nov 5, 2009, 06:20 AM

For the first 4/5/6 months proceed with caution is all anyone is telling you because things generally are awesome in the beginning. She is awesome. That's human. Its when you have been together a while you start noticing things about her you didn't know, and learning her beyond the romantic notions dancing in your head.

Relationships are like your first car, your so thrilled to be riding, you can overlook all the imperfections, but after a while the gas and maintenance makes you deal with reality. Then the upkeep and repairs start piling up, and though you hate it, its time for a new car.

Look, all everyone is saying to fall so deep, so soon, that you can't pay attention and protect your heart. Enjoy yourself, but keep it real, and don't put her on a pedestal, and worship her as a goddess, because the simple truth is you have a lot more to learn, about her, and yourself.

overayear · Nov 5, 2009, 10:48 AM

Had to spread the rep but Tal I think your car anlaogy is dead on. LP2009- just take it easy bro. Right now its supposed to be fun, fun and more fun.

lp2009 · Nov 5, 2009, 11:42 AM

So I'm not in a rebound?

overayear · Nov 5, 2009, 12:55 PM

I am confused as to what it is you are asking or trying to get out of this relationship. To me, its pretty clear that her and her ex are not over each other or the relationship. So if it looks like a rebound, smells like a rebound then its probably a rebound. Again I don't know for sure but from the information provided that's what it seems like to me.

bella99 · Nov 5, 2009, 02:24 PM

LP2009, you are definitely the rebound. I am in a very very similar situation. No matter what she says to you, she obviously has feelings for her ex. He is going to remain in her life for a while. She hasn't had time to get over him or him over her. Right now, it sounds like she is just looking for companionship. Someone to keep her warm at night. Someone to validate the fact that she is worth something to another human. She doesn't want to deal with the feelings, hurt and pain of a break up.

She said she didn't want a serious relationship - but you are exclusive - which doesn't make sense. You are just waiting to get your feelings hurt. She could get back with her ex boyfriend, or realize she is just using you for the companionship. You could realize she is using you for the companionship and then want to bail.

My most recent "relationship" if you can call it that was me being someone else's rebound after a divorce - he told me he was over it - yet still has to deal with her - and in the end he just wanted the companionship so as not to realize that night time is lonely when you are single. My feelings got hurt, but at least I recognized it for what it was. Ya he was an awesome guy - bbut the timing was off.

If you are going to stick it out - you need to set some boundaries - go out and see other people - let her do the same - she doesn't want a serious relationship - then you shouldn't be in one. Hang out and have fun but don't go over board. Realize its about having fun and not about ending up in a relationship because your feelings will get hurt.

Honestly - you should tell her she needs time to sort things out and give you a calling a few months and just leave her alone until then - but I don't think you are willing to do that. So just becareful who you give your heart away to.

The car analogy a few posts earlier - is DEAD ON!

lp2009 · Nov 7, 2009, 02:39 PM

So her ex put on his fb status the other day that he was really sick with the flu, she sent him a text while she was with me that said "i'll pray for you, feel better" and that was it, he replied to her saying that all he could think about was her and she hasn't spoken to him since, it makes me really mad that he won't let it go, she told him it was over but she still sent him a text message, even if she meant it just to be nice he probably didn't interpret it that way

tara1 · Nov 7, 2009, 02:58 PM

I read some of these posts. Whatever you do - don't push her to stop talking to him. If their attachment breaks slowly it is good for you. If it doesn't, you will know, and you can move on with all the lessons you learn from this process. If she (or you) forces herself to stop now, some time later you will find her going back to him. Let her get over it in her own way. Let her explore her way out of this.

lp2009 · Nov 8, 2009, 10:24 AM

Interesting post tara, why do you say that?

tara1 · Nov 8, 2009, 11:51 AM

I say this because she should experience the loss now, and so should he. He should see her grieve, and she should grieve to let him go completely, slowly. Otherwise, both of them will remain stuck in old times.

You don't worry- they broke up for a reason. It had nothing to do with you. That reason still holds, and you are fine as long as you take care of yourself and don't try too hard.

lp2009 · Nov 8, 2009, 01:16 PM

So I just called her and she was really upset, I asked her why and she said her ex won't leave her alone and keeps sending her long messages on fb and every time she gets one she starts crying, I'm almost tempted to leave her. She said that our relationship has nothing to do with her and her ex's problems and that I shouldn't worry, I asked her what he said and she said its not important and she said she will always be in love with him but she can't be with him, it hurts me to see her so upset and I asked her to block him on fb but she siad that was really mean and immature and she'd never do that, I don't know what to do about this situation I almost want to walk out, but at the same time, issues only come up whenver he sends her a message, if they aren't talking everything is fine and she's happy but whenever he starts talking to her its like he knows how to push her buttons and make her sad, should I say something to him?

talaniman · Nov 10, 2009, 10:22 AM

Sorry guy, she must learn on her own that the only way she can heal, and move on is go through the very difficult process of NO CONTACT. Unless she does, she will be upset, until she is tired of being upset. Since you have already spoken to her about this, let her make up her own mind and maybe back away until she does.

This is basically her problem to fix, not yours, even though it affects you both!!