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aimbulums · Nov 2, 2009, 07:58 PM

I just starting dating someone. He has only recently out of a longterm relationship. I have been single for 2 plus yrs now and am ready to be in a longterm relationship. I really like this guy. But I am wondering if maybe its not a good idea for me to see him. He is only a few months out of his last relationship. He has told me that he has a lot going on in his head, that he is confused about a few things. I have told him that he needs to take care of himself start. But he tells me that he wants to see me. I slipped a few weeks ago and said I love you one night hanging up that phone with him. It wasn't something I meant to say. I am not ready to decide if I am in love with him or not. I know that I am falling for him. Everything seems to good to be true. And usually that means it is right. We actally have to spend a lot of time apart because of his job. I can't help but have this sinking feeling that is all going to end to fast. To be honest I have seem a whole lot more of him and heard from a lot more than I expected to. I guess my question is - should I tell him I need to give him some space to make sure he is ready? And what happens if he decides he isn't ready? I am falling for this guy, how do I deal with that. Lol and taking up a hobby isn't an answer I am looking for. I can't do hobbies, I don't have any patiences for them, can't sit still long enough.

A4Effort · Nov 2, 2009, 09:35 PM

I would take things very SLOW. Maybe you could start with being just friends before moving into a serious relationship. This way you will get to know him some more and he will have more time to move on. If he decides that he is not ready then you will have to respect his decision. Better for him to leave now then after dating him for a few months. Also be honest with him and talk about his past relationship. From experience, if a guy talks about his ex constantly then he is clearly not over her. Once again, take it slow and let some more time pass.

123skyscraper · Nov 2, 2009, 09:50 PM

He just got out of a long term relationship. He needs to mourn the passing of his previous relationship that is why he said he has a lot of things in his head. He will probably need some time off to be single and figure out what he wants. Jumping into a rebound relationship is not good. I am sure you don't want to be a rebound since you seem to like this guy a lot. Give him some time.

talaniman · Nov 2, 2009, 11:51 PM

If its to good to be true, then there is a catch to it. Look, he told you he is healing, and has a lot going on in his head, and that means he doesn't want what you want, because he isn't ready for it. Neither are you for that matter, not with him anyway.

Better to have a guy that wants what you want, than have unrealistic expectations with someone who doesn't.

Back off, and balance your life with other people, and activities, out doors and physical, so you won't have to worry about sitting still, like a gym, maybe.

You already have enough facts to protect your own heart, no matter what your feeling, so do so. Date others so you don't get fixated by this guy, and get so deep, so fast, you can't get out, or worse get your heart broken for nothing.

jaime90 · Nov 3, 2009, 10:53 AM

Being just out of a long-term relationship means that he isn't ready for the "serious relationship" that you are looking for.
Plus, if he has a lot going on in his mind and he says he is confused, I doubt he would take you up on your offer if you asked him out.
Don't push anything with this guy. His feelings are probably extremely fragile at this point. I would back off and give him all the time in the world to sort things out in his head before even thinking of going out with him.