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After being cheated on, how do I overcome jealousy and gain self confidence?
Ive been with a guy for over ten years now. Two years ago he cheated on me. Six months after he did we got back together. Every since then we have great days where nothing else matters but us. On other days I worry.Lately my thoughts are"what if he finds something in another girl again". A perfect example was a few days ago. We were walking into a grocery store where he works and as we walked by one of the counters a girl goes "hey" to him and seemed excited to see him. He said hey while holding my hand and we continued shopping. I have ebbn really stressing out about why she was excited to see him. He said that I am over reacting and that nothing is going on. In fact he has gone out of his way just to prove that he loves me and only me. He invites me into his work all the time, insists on holding my hand in public.In other words, he has giving me no reason to be jelious yet I flip out and stress myself on little things. I have gained weight since he did cheat. About 30 pounds in two years. Could self esteem be some of it?Please Help
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What do you mean by "you've been with him for 10 years?" Married? Dating? Living together? I think jealousy issues all come from self esteem problems. Of course, there's always the "I can forgive but I can't forget" issue, too. Is that a problem for you? On one hand I think people make mistakes, get over them, it never happens again. On the other, some people are serial cheaters. It sounds like your husband/boyfriend cheated once and now goes out of his way to reassure you. What else could he do that would make you feel more secure? Have you talked to him about it? I personally would be more upset by the lying than the cheating - at some point he must have looked you straight in the face and lied about... something. That would trouble me. |
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We have been dating for ten years. I guess the "I can forgive, but I can't forget" issue is true because I do forgive him but the thought is still there. I have talked to him about it and he asks me the same question, "What can i do to make you feel at ease" I don't have an answer to that. I am not really sure |
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 Originally Posted by bettyboop85
I can only speak from experience and everyone, of course, is from a different place, has had different experiences. I am not interested in dating anyone for 10 years. Either we are a couple or we are not. It is obviously different for you, as it is for other people. Is he your "whole life"? Do you have friends, activities, hobbies, interests outside of him? Maybe developing your own friendships and interests would give you some self confidence. And playing devil's advocate - is he a one time cheater or a serial cheater? |
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Jealousy is destroying my relationship. I feel like I loose on either ground.
One way she deserve her independence and own time, but on the other hand what can prevent me from thinking it will happen again. Does jealousy provoke cheating ? She has done twice (to my knowledge) over a period of 5 years. She lied to my face, over and over again, about it until on the second occasion she finally admitted. Can anyone ever get over this ? I know the issue about self confidence, and own fears. But honestly, there is nothing that will ever make you feel 100% certain nothing is going on, especially if the relationship is not going well. We have a little baby, she is two years old and the happiest thing she knows is mummy and daddy hugging, and being happy together. She often asked if mummy and daddy are OK. I am desperately lost, literally. I am ready to loose her now, and move on. But shall I sacrifice a possible future together and preventing my daughter living off a suitcase for the next 14 years over a (maybe irrational) feeling ? The worst is nothing can give you an answer. No one can tell you what to do. People can help by sharing their own stories but really, what can help ? Cheating is the worst thing that can happen to love, and I love(d?) her to bits. |
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People CAN tell you what to do. They just can't make you do it!
I've said it before - maybe I could live with the cheating. I couldn't live with having someone I love and trust lie to my face. A two year old is asking if mommy and daddy are okay? That is usually not within that age group's understanding. What is that about? |
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