[emopunk7]

Venting!! :
On a game site, I couldn't talk to any girl about anything even about the game yet I caught her. Then she says that's because I can't be trusted but she can be trusted.

Throughout the relationship she always told me she could never trust me just be cause I had called exs in the past when we argued. Yet that was only the first 8 months. The next 8, I never did it again as I saw it was really hurting her even though it was only asking for advice. The whole 2 years this time around I never did it!! I could be trusted and I tried proving it everyday!

How can I not be trusted yet she is the one going out behind my back more than 3 times?

I forgive her for all she does yet she couldn't forgive me for a payback? (which is exactly what she did to me?? )

She cursed me out a lot.

We did have lots of great times and I miss her no matter what and I want to not miss her so I'm writing all the bad now.

I always encouraged her school work and she did good with me and poorly without me.

When she would get upset and I would say I'm sorry, she would yell and say "get the f away". Then later she would apologize after I kept being nice.

The day after our great vacation just because I was playing a game with family and I didn't run to her because she was sad, she cursed me out sooo bad and hurt me for no reason... mind you I did call to see if she is OK but she ignored and I text her to not be sad and as soon as the game is over I will run to her and stay all night too but I couldn't just leave now. So I don't get why she treated me like that...

She got mad at me in public one time of the many and called me an "ahole" and said I was the worse boyfriend ever and started hitting me!

I remember one time speaking aggresively to walk faster but that was only because there was a bum coming towards us and it was for her protection and I had to say it more than once. Usually I spoke to her perfectly nice. Even during arguments I knew she wanted to fight so I would tell her that and I said I will not continue for her entertainment.

[amicon]

You re saying the ex was unfair and probably rightly so. But it s in the past now and you need a plan for your future. Think about your life and what you d like to achieve-set new goals and go for them.

[emopunk7]

So, I woke up dreaming of her again!! I wouldn't dream of her before! I now started thinking of the years we were in H.S. and then got together in college and then now I keep thinking of all those days. I didn't really like her in H.S but we fell in love during college. We went to rock concerts together and played sports and weekend hotel getaways... I got her gifts many times and I always showed I loved her a lot! Then she goes behind my back again n I did the same thing and all I do IS BLAME MYSELF.

[amicon]

Stop blaming yourself-you both made mistakes but its in the past. Have a plan for first thing every morning-go for a run or do something that takes your mind off things.
I ll say it again-you re overanalysing details that you need to let go of.

[emopunk7]

Yeah I guess I am over analyzing everything... I can't seem to stop it! I feel too sad and like I will never experience anything like that again. We did sooo many things together. Should I keep writing down the bad and maybe that will help?

[Romefalls19]

Yes, I had a list of things I didn't like about my ex. I also kept the letter she sent me telling me how much she loved me but had to do this for herself. I put it under my flap in my hockey glove, it was a reminder to myself that I need to continue to push on

[talaniman]

Emopunk7;
Yeah I guess I am over analyzing everything... I can't seem to stop it!

We all do when we are looking for solutions

I feel too sad and like I will never experience anything like that again.

The fact is, yes you will, and many times in your life. Too bad you can't think that far ahead at this time but keep living, and you will.

We did sooo many things together

And you will do more later with others, in time.

Should I keep writing down the bad and maybe that will help?

It does help, but you have to do more, like replace old memories with new ones. That's what changes thoughts and feelings, new experiences, OVER TIME.

That's the key here, Over time, and that REQUIRES patience.

[emopunk7]

Thank you so much T-Man for bringing HOPE into my thread! I think that is what I need. Your hopeful response really opened up my mind a bit. I believe you when you say it will happen again many times. I sure HOPE so. I will try giving others advice now.

My mother told me that eventually, just like before, she was bound to give up. If she wasn't going to give up now, she would have given up at the next problem. And I think my mom is right because like 2 times before this, I had to beg for her to stay with me. So I guess it was bound to happen and we weren't meant to be. This is what I try thinking about now: There are many times she did bad things to me and really bad things like after she would get upset she would walk away from me while cursing me out loud in public and take a train home without me. That was grounds to leave her and she did that many times. So if I loved her enough to get through those times and just spoke to her about it, she could have done the same. So I guess I loved her more? In a way. I don't know why she decided to give up. Maybe she just wanted to be with friends instead and not worry about having a boyfriend.

[emopunk7]

So when I get out of work in 2 hours, I will go home and take a shower and then watch some TV and sleep. Then tomorrow I will wake up and shower and then work out and then watch a movie. Are these good steps?

[amicon]

Good thinking-having a plan s always helpful-liked your poem by the way.:-)

[emopunk7]

Thank you T-Man and Amicon...
By the way at 2:30 A.M. I received 2 blocked calls which I ignored... I called my cousin but he said it wasn't him. Nobody else calls me so late nor blocked... It had to be my ex... and it was 2 calls back to back and she does that... Now what? It's getting to me.

[itsamor]

Oh no my ex used to start doing that months after we broke up.. stupid blocked calls then he finally admitted it was him and now he's a leeche in my life. If it was her... just ignore it. Nothing she has to say matters at this point. Please don't try and call her to see if it was her, lol (I know you want to!)

[bswc]

Oh no my ex used to start doing that months after we broke up..stupid blocked calls then he finally admitted it was him and now he's a leeche in my life. If it was her...just ignore it. Nothing she has to say matters at this point. Please don't try and call her to see if it was her, lol (i know you want to!)

Yeap, my ex contacted me soon after she got ditched knowing she was just a toy of the other guy when she confessed to him. What an A. Only took a few months to change feelings, and she can't even differentiate what's love what's like. Sick... Keep it up emo! Don't let that call get u some other days, Its crucial!

[itsamor]

Yup everyone realizes what they've lost in the end and they'll pay the price ;)

[emopunk7]

Thank you itsamor and bswc! I found out that it was my cousin miguel. I guess that's both good and bad... Good because I can continue my path but I was kind of hoping it was so that it can give me more confidence like yeah now I'm moving on... So it kind of hurt it wasn't her.
I worked out today and I feel like doing nothing. I think about how pretty she was in my eyes and how cute we were and the jokes we made. How she would say babe we have to go and I would rush to leave with her. Days at the beach and massaging her... How could I ever forget? The romantic memories and things we did for each other. How could it be gone? I'm trying here... I feel like I found someone good and I ruined my only chance with love. Someone I could be comfortable with.

[amicon]

Missing the times that were good is normal but you ll find love again trust me on that one.
Once you re truly healed from this breakup you ll see that you ve learned a lot about yourself and found new strengths. And that life's pretty good.

[cant spell]

Trust should be one of the most important things in a relationship. If you can't trust her, move on to someone else who you can trust.


Are you willing to leave her?

There must be something else going on between you two.

Has she done other things?

If she told you she wanted to go out to a club with friends, what would be your response?

People involved in relationships NEED to go ouy with their friends, away from their partners.

Girls and guys alike, need to go out and have a good time alone. We all need to feel attractive to other people. As long as it's just innocent fun.

Did she feel like she had to be dishonest to you?

Are you a jealous person?

I like this answer...

[itsamor]

I wish you so much luck and hope to see more & more progress. You have the chance I never got to have and now I'm in the same place as you trying to move on even though my relationship ended two years ago. Go figure

[emopunk7]

Why 2 years itsamor?

[itsamor]

Well that's because I loved the guy but decided to break up with him... months later as I said he started calling me with blocked numbers and then he finally showed up at my house drunk throwing rocks at my house for my attention and crying to me saying he needs me and misses me and loved me. & even that he wanted to marry me etc.. (several times) So of course I was confused and missed him too so we hung out and ended up kissing and everything and it's been on and off ever since then. I always try to get away but he always pops up and says profound things that make my brain turn to mush... & the fact that no guy in my entire life has made me feel the way my ex does makes it a lot harder to move on (knowing I have expierenced true love for someone and great chemistry)noone compares but the pain & confusion isn't worth it =/