[jenabeth]

I fell very deeply in love with a man who told me he loved me as well and even hinted at marriage. We were together for 2 years. Then he moved away and has not kept in contact. It has been over for a year and I am still hurting. Why do men have to lie?

[ChihuahuaMomma]

Not all men lie. He hasn't kept in contact because he's moved on, the move made it easier. You need to move on. Do you still try to get ahold of him? If so, you need to stop.

[I wish]

That's a huge generalization. One man doesn't represent the entire population.

After 2 years, you've given each other plenty of chances to work things out. If things don't work out with him, then move on. You can't force a relationship, it has to happen naturally.

[jmjoseph]

SOME men lie. SOME women lie. That's just the way it is.

Life is too short to dwell on the past.

The windsheild is bigger than the rearview mirror.

Good luck to you.

[Gemini54]

Perhaps he didn't lie. Perhaps he did love you when he was with you.

Perhaps, who knows why, he didn't want a long distance relationship.

Perhaps he was simply unable or unwilling to say good bye.

Perhaps he wasn't a liar. Perhaps he was a coward.

[jenabeth]

Thank you to everyone who responded to this. I have been in a really bad way for several months. I know everything that was said is true but I guess I just needed someone else to re-enforce it for me. I fell into this relationship with my whole heart and I guess this is just my wake up call to guard my heart more in the future. Thanks again to all for their imput :-)

[ChihuahuaMomma]

You were trying to keep hope alive. Don't do that, it hurts. Move on, you'll find someone that can make you SO much happier. I was with my first boyfriend for 6 years, and oh my goodness were we madly in love, well we broke up, it took me 13 months and a new boyfriend to get over him. If you don't hold out for him, then you can move on and be happy.

[jenabeth]

Thank you so much for your support ChihuahuaMomma. I have been grieving terribly and can't seem to get over this. It doesn't help that every few months he will throw me a "crumb". He found me on Facebook after having months of no contact and commented on my picture. It sort of gave me hope. But then he says nothing else to me even if I write back. I know I need to move on but I truly believe this man was my soulmate. It is just hard. I have tried everything to get over this and nothing seems to work. I have written poem after poem about this to try to get over my grief but it hasn't helped much. (I never wrote poetry before this man). But I am going to try harder not to think about this man and maybe eventually one day I will no longer think about him. Thank you for your kind words and advise. It really helps.

[Gemini54]

Thank you so much for your support ChihuahuaMomma. I have been grieving terribly and can't seem to get over this. It doesn't help that every few months he will throw me a "crumb". He found me on facebook after having months of no contact and commented on my picture. It sort of gave me hope. But then he says nothing else to me even if I write back. I know I need to move on but I truly believe this man was my soulmate. It is just hard. I have tried everything to get over this and nothing seems to work. I have written poem after poem about this to try to get over my grief but it hasn't helped much. (I never wrote poetry before this man). But I am going to try harder not to think about this man and maybe eventually one day I will no longer think about him. Thank you for your kind words and advise. It really helps.

Someone who is your soul mate doesn't treat you like this. He's really a jerk, and that's probably what's most difficult to swallow - that you loved him and he turned out to be an onion not a prince.

So start thinking about him as an onion - something that's smelly and makes your eyes water. You don't need poems, as you so wisely say, you need to stop thinking about him.

Doing other things helps - try and really fill your life with the other people that you love and participate in activities you enjoy. If you find yourself thinking about him, ring a friend, go for walk, cook a meal.

Don't ever again respond to any of his communications.

Soul mates don't behave like he does.

[jenabeth]

Thank you for your response Gemini54. When I said he was my soulmate I was really describing how I feel inside about him. I know that if he felt the same way then I wouldn't be writing this. I will move on it is just hard when you have given all that you have to give and that isn't good enough. It is a real blow to a person's self esteem. I would like to share with you one of my poems so that maybe it will help you to understand the depth of what I have felt:
The Meaning Of True Love

If the love I feel inside for you…isn't the lasting kind
Then such a feeling just doesn't exist…it is all in a person's mind
It's been over a year since you went away…but my heart still feels the same
I just can't get over the loss of you…I still feel the unbearable pain
What is love but a fleeting glimpse…of the deepest desire in our hearts
A candle that burns so brightly…guiding our way through the dark
Two souls that have known each other…through the endless span of time
I have known you for many seasons…and in my heart you will always be mine
My body is much like a magnet…that draws you ever near
I still feel the pull towards you…even though you are no longer here
I long to be beside you…just to feel your gentle touch
To have your loving arms enfold me…I miss you so very much
The kisses that we once shared…are burned deep into my soul
Their memory ignites a passion…that warms me on the nights so cold
The times that we spent with each other…when our bodies felt the burning heat
Made my days seem so much brighter…and my nights were ever so sweet
The touch of your cheek as it brushed against mine…your sweet breath upon my face
True love will make us remember…the moments time… will never erase
You will always hold the key to my heart…and it will forever remain the same
Until the day my heart stops beating…and I return to the dust… whence I came.

[redhed35]

Your poem is so sad...

Lost love is hard to bear,but as many here can tell you,you can and will survive.

I for one can tell you I have felt the same way over a man,and I did move on once I discovered no contact,it really was a relief not to feel so lost and broken.

Think about your life before this man,the type of person you were him.

After many failed relationships including a divorce,I decided go it alone,just me and the kids,it was easier and less heartbreaking to go through all the love and loss again.

I worked on me.. I healed little by little.

I am now in a relationship with a wonderful man,its 50/50 not the usual 70/30,me giving the 70%...

I grew up,and found a nugent of gold... that was, you cannot be happy in a relationship if your not happy on your own...

When too happy single people get together,its magic!

[jenabeth]

Thank you redhed35. It helps to know others who have went through similar experiences. I have written over a hundred poems and most of them are just like the one I shared. I have thought about putting them in a book or something later on but I am too raw from my experience at the moment. I guess real healing takes a long time :-(

[redhed35]

I think a book of poems for the broken hearted is a great idea,with a note from the author on how she recovered and found happiness!

The light at the end of the tunnel may seem to be malfunctioning but you have the power to turn it on full blast!

[jenabeth]

I think I will put them together someday after I have healed. And you are right. I will put an inspirational message in there as well. I would hope that it might help someone who finds themselves in similar circumstances. :-) I feel much better already. Thank you!

[jaime90]

You shouldn't stereotype. Men and women both have the ability to lie. People usually lie to try to benefit themselves. Sometimes lies that seem innocent are really fatal to a relationship. This guy told you what you wanted to hear, and you believed him.

You knew this guy for 2 years, the thing you were clearly missing was honesty. If you decide to date again- make sure that you are both open and honest with each other and can share open communcation. Also, don't fall into the trap of being enchanted by the way a man talks. Some guys use flattery just to get what they want from women. And vice versa- so you should always be cautious.

[jenabeth]

I know. I am just hurting right now and kind of down on men I guess. I am sorry for saying that. I know it isn't true.