[epark072]

Threads merged

All right experts! I've been just reading this forum and now I'm in the same situation with a lot of people here are.

So we've been seeing each other for about 8 months. I'm korean (24) and she's italian/american (barely turned 21). So yeah there's race and cultural differences but I'm pretty americanized so not a main issue.

Well, we were like fire at first. She goes to school full time and I work full time. But lived in her dorm I have my own place. So I used to go to her dorm pretty much every night and stay over and she comes over to my house during the weekend (Thursday till sunday).
She's very gorgeous she was high school cheerleader captain for whole years, doing dance and cheer so you know she's pretty spoiled, never had a full time job, never had to pay rent or bills or anything but her mind is like a child very pure and clear. That's what I liked about her.

First 4 months was really good no problem at all but after like since 5th month, I had to work a lot I usually go to work at 9 and get off at like 8pm. And even we got two more new employees at work that I had to train so sometimes I got off at 10 or something. And she also wanted to get engaged, and I (stupid) thought I should work extra to make extra money and buy an engagement ring. But I didn't plan to tell her or anything until we dated over a year. Of course it made me have less time to see her and she moved back to her parents house. So I couldn't go to her house every night and she started coming over to mine more often.

Every month we celebrate our anniversary and I wrote her a card or gave her flowers every months and it got slow down since I had to work a lot. I didn't gave her card from 7th month and it was all right. And we went to disneyland last month and we had such a good time. But during September, I had to head start my work because going to disneyland wasn't on my vacation schedule and I had to take a week off. So I couldn't really see her often but we always, never missed, went out Friday night, Saturday night and Sunday all day. Well after disneyland, she acted little differently she started hanging out with her ex best friend because she(exbff) got pregnant and just broke up with her boyfriend. So she kind of used my girlfriend for benefit. Still using her though. And now this month, October, it was her b-day last Sunday turned 21. On her birthday night, we went out to dinner with her family and I drove her back to her house. And she started saying she doesn't feel the same she loves me but it's different. On her freaking BIRTHDAY! Well, I really tried to make her feel better and feel loved during the October, because I didn't do much in September and thought it would make her feel like she's not loved. And I got a surprise present that I was planning on for over 3 months and told her her birthday gift is ready on Monday. Anyway, she said she's really confused and need some time to think.


So Sunday night I came home and next day, which was this Monday, I got all ready for her birthday gift and I went to her school for lunch break. I surprised her but she seemed like she didn't really care. She's like you never did this to me. And still wanted to have break. Anyway, I told her to come to my house for surprise gift later that day. She got her gift and everything that night. Candle lights, roses, cakes, perfume, VS underwares, cd that I made, card, letter, yes I spoiled her that night. But still she wanted to have some time to think and she went home.

It's been what 5 days now. We talked twice since Monday. No text, no calls, no emails.
Still she's confused and one thing she said finally, she's scared of getting hurt. She's scared of me being like during the summer. Work a lot, not enough time to hang out, less text, less call, no card and stuff.

It's halloween night and we planned to go to her cousin's party together then my friend's big halloween party at the club. But I don't know what she's doing and I'm home writing this.
What should I do? Help me go through this misery. Sorry about my english and story. I'm not OK now. Any advise will help me :(

[paxe]

There is nothing you can do. You tried to take care of her, Friday, Saturday and sundays and you were extremely busy. You did more than most guys out there, so the problem doesn't lie in you, but in her. I had an incredibly busy year in university, and my ex-gf complained we didn't do much except studying. I never regretted anything and I'm proud of what I am becoming.

There is nothing much you can do, except apply NC from now on. If she wants you back, she'll back. But don't expect too much from it, you need to apply NC as if she isn't coming back.

[epark072]

That's what I've been doing since Monday only I txted her on Wednesday for coffee and she didn't want to go but she texted me later that day saying she wants some of our pictures from last Saturday. We had a pre-halloween party last Saturday. She just wanted pictures. And yesterday, I texted her again :( I know I'm not really patient but yeah just asked her how she's doing and I told her I'm going to my friend's party last night and she said "to that party, right have fun" so she got mad.
And this morning since we're going to go to her cousin's party together I txted her to make sure if we are going together and she said she'll go with her best friends. Well for all day today, I was doing my thing and went to starbucks tried to put myself together and wrote a card for her. Like poem and left it at her door. Haven't heard from her at all. I don't know what she's doing but yeah really wondering if she even cares about me. Keep NC right? :-( it's so hard.

[talaniman]

keep NC right? :-( it's so hard

.

To keep No Contact, which is what you should do, you have to actually stop texting, and sending her cards and poems.

Disappear from her life, and live your own.

[amicon]

NC is for you to heal. Any contact with the ex prolongs your healing process.
You need to act as if they don't exist. No texts poems etc.
After some time your head will clear and you ll be able to move on with and enjoy your own life.

[paxe]

NC is complete NC. Stop texting, stop answering her texts or calls, stop emailing, writing cards. Start taking care of yourself by any way possible. Read the stickies up there and start applying them ASAP. The more you wait, the more you will be in pain (been there so trust me).

[epark072]

Good morning everyone. Did you guys get an extra hour sleep? Day light time saving is over now.
Thank you all for responses.
And I just wanted to add some more info.

She's very much family person. She always listens to her mom and her mom is one of the big factors when she makes her decision. And her best friends too. Her best friends is really controlling bossy and y. And Friday when I talked to her she said she's swearing so much. She never swears. And she said she feels like really y. Doesn't care about what's happening to her life now and neglects school work now. And some how I met her at my friends house on Friday and
She told me she told my girlfriend that if she's not
Happy and doesn't known how she feels about me, take a break and see if she misses me. And I guess that's why she wanted to have a break now. One thing I noticed while I was going out with her, she really doesn't have her opinion.


Tomorrow which is Monday is like the day she said she will give me a definite answer. Idk we haven't figured how we are going to talk where we meet and time And stuff. Should I just wait for her to call me or text me and
Let me know of time and place? If she wants to break up Im ready to move on. It just hard to ignore the feeling I have for her and good memories we had. :-( I'll keep you guys posted if anything happens today.

[epark072]

Her best friends is really controlling bossy and b**chy. And Friday when I talked to her she said she's swearing so much. She never swears. And she said she feels like really b**chy.

b**chy shows like "y" so little fix

And some how I met her at my friends house on Friday and
She told me she told my girlfriend that if she's not
Happy and doesn't known how she feels about me, take a break and see if she misses me.

I met my gf's best friends because it was bff's ex-bf's party lol

[amicon]

Whatever happens remember to take good care of yourself. You can't hang around and wait for someone to make decisions which will affect your life. You make your own.
(here in the UK we put the clocks back last Sunday :-) )

[epark072]

Thanks amicon. I totally agree. I had even rougher relationship before but now, things are getting better like my work situation and I get off at 5 or 6 more time to do something and of course I tried to text and call her more often since the beginning of October but I guess she's already gone? She said she loves me and cares about me as she used to or even more but she's scared of getting hurt like before. She said I was too busy and not really lovey and having a less attention from me hurts her.. oh well...

Why some people are so immature? Like for me, when I commit a relationship, unless we fight all the time, always disagree with each other, it is a commitment. It is a promise that I'm going to try to make things work out. Not giving it up and have faith in each other.

Some people just can't handle this I guess. Have a lot of thoughts from the first day in November. My birthday is coming up 13th of this month and me and my girlfriend planned to go to las vegas for my birthday. Plan's all gone. Sad. :(

[amicon]

That's life I guess some people are mature others are not. Its tough but we have to live with it and move on.
Make a new plan for your birthday make sure you do something really great to celebrate YOU.

[epark072]

It wouldn't be a good idea to go to her work tomorrow before she gets there and leave flowers or something right? I thought of that last night since it's the day she'll clear up her mind and tell me what she wants. I'm going to tell her what I want to and if she doesn't want the same thing, I'll def move on.

[amicon]

No don't buy flowers. Have the talk if you can handle it and move on if you have to.
You come across as a nice decent person and I wish you the best of luck.

[epark072]

Thanks, it's almost noon here and I'm getting ready to go out by myself. I'll just go to coffee shop and get some coffee and read some mags and do some shopping today. And prob go to bar with my guy friends tonight. I feel so much better after pouring my mind out in here. Thank you so much for your support amicon. I'll keep you updated if there's anything. If not let's see what happens tomorrow. I'll prob ask you guys some advise tonight before I see her tomorrow. Thanks again.

[amicon]

Have a good day enjoy your coffee and keep posting.

[epark072]

Oh oh give me quick advise! She just called and asked me how Im doing and what I did last night and wants to talk tonight. So I told her OK maybe we can meet somewhere. She still sounds like b**chy.

[epark072]

Well she txted me and said she's not ready tonight wants to see me on Tuesday. Should I say OK or tell her I don't know if Im going to be busy or should I see her tonight?

[talaniman]

What's wrong with Tuesday, if she isn't ready tonight? I don't see the big deal, but why make a game of it, let it be her call. She is the one that wants a talk.

[epark072]

She said she wants to talk tonight when she called me then bit later she said I don't know and tomorrow she's going to hang out with her best friends and sleep over there. Seem like she wants everything in her way. And she txted me saying Tuesday and Wednesday. Im like you don't think I have life? She gives me unreasonable reason like she has to finish her speech tonight which is due next Wednesday. And brings up my work scheule like being sarcastic like oh do you have to work late whole next week?
Idk what to do. She sounded nice at first then when I told her what I did last night she started being like a b**ch again.

[talaniman]

If its not that important for her to make the time, why should you? She is the one who wants a talk, and your probably hoping she has made a decision. Doesn't sound like it to me.

Be unavailable until she gets her act together.