He won't have sex with me.

anonymousbeauty · Oct 8, 2009, 05:01 PM

My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 months now and I really love him.We used to have sex everyday for the first 4 months. He will not have sex with me now. We argue a lot but we always make up. He does not want to have sex with me because he says I turn him off when I do not even do anything to turn him off but when I try to talk to him about our sex problems and our relatonship problems he either doesn't want to talk about it or he says it is my fault. He also says he is happy with me one minute then the next he feels lonely with me and he is not happy. I don't want to lose him. What can I do to help our relationship someone please help.:(

rockie100 · Oct 8, 2009, 05:15 PM

You argue a lot and you don't have a sexual relationship. Why don't you want to lose this one? He is being fickle. You can't be happy when you don't know what your partner wants from you. Maybe you should walk away from this one. Five months isn't to long to get over.

Gemini54 · Oct 8, 2009, 08:08 PM

Five months is too soon to really 'love' someone.

This is not love - you don't turn him on (and it's only been 5 months), you argue, he won't talk to you, he blames you, he is unhappy.

What are you afraid of losing? It's not working and he's not prepared to work on it. The best thing that you can do is move on. I think that you'll both be better off.

2ndTime · Oct 26, 2009, 11:55 PM

Stop hanging on to someone who's got some emotional issue that needs to be dealt with through counseling.

jordyadele · Oct 28, 2009, 10:56 PM

Get rid of the sex! Obviously, to you, this seems to be causing the most issues in your relationship. Just stop it altogether. Respect his wishes to just not do it, and get over it! Sex is not the most important thing in a relationship and personally I think you should wait a VERY long time to have sex with someone. It's about love, not just "the feeling." seems to me that's all you're after. Maybe he's confused and wants something more. That could be the reason he's acting so bi-polar. Ask him, and be honest about it. But seriously, get rid of the sex and start looking at more important things. Then you just might be able to fix this...

jaime90 · Oct 29, 2009, 03:06 PM

I agree with jordyadele. I'm sorry to say this, but your relationship will more than likely not survive. Not because you have issues with sex, but because your ENTIRE RELATIONSHIP is now BASED ON SEX! You had sex the first 4 months, and now sex is ruining your relationship. In order for a relationship to work, it needs to be strong enough, serious enough, and the two people need love and commitment in order to even THINK about throwing sex into the mix (usually, this means no sex till marriage) Abstaining from sex means a lot less worry about pregnancy, STD's, and all the complicated drama that comes with it. I'm sorry, but maybe next time around (and it's too bad there has to be a next time, you two could've worked out had you gone about this the right way) you will think about the impact that sex has on a relationship.

Jake2008 · Oct 30, 2009, 12:53 PM

when I try to talk to him about our sex problems and our relatonship problems he either doesn't want to talk about it or he says it is my fault

I don't see this as a problem only about sex. As you said in your question, it is also about the relationship problems too.

The problem with having either of these, or both of these problems, is that he is not admitting to what the cause is.

Is he interested in someone else, has he just grown apart from you, does he feel that the two of you are incompatible and he's questioning the future?

The relationship problems include the lack of sex; the lack of sex is part of a bigger problem.

If your boyfriend will go to couples counselling, or make a sincere effort to address your concerns and not ignore them, then trying is certainly worthwhile. Without him doing at least that, you have nothing left to work on. If he refuses to communicate, and the two of you keep spinning your wheels, the relationship will crash.

asking · Oct 30, 2009, 01:00 PM

You won't like this, but here's what I think. This relationship is snakebit. I would advise breaking up with him. You'll both be better off. It will be hard at first, but you'll be better off if you do. There's something important missing here and it's not just sex.

Hang around here and read other threads, ask some questions, give yourself some time, and think about what might have gone wrong with this relationship before starting a new one.

Good luck!

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