[talaniman]

I have now learned that its not my fault that he does these things to himself, Ive told him so many times to stop but he doesn't listen, its like he likes the thought of me worrying over him.

Profound as every texts you give him shows you care, and validates his behavior in his own mind. So he has no motivation to change anything as he knows he hasn't lost you. He will change his actions, when he regrets them enough. But first he must completely "lose" you.

[louiseismyname]

I found out tonight that my ex still goes round to his ex for sex twice a week :( despite telling me that he don't see her and he has only slept with her the once. He told me that he has never told her he loves her which I found out is a lie as he has told her loads of times, they arnt together but still do the business. In one way it broke my heart knowing he was telling me he loves me and cuts himself because of me (which must be a lie if he goes to her house as he wouldn't go with bandages) but on the other hand at least I now know what a prat and a liar he is.

I was so close to telling his ex on Facebook what he is up to but then I thought of the advice on here and decided against that idea as I don't want the hassle that would come with that.

The ex thinks the sun shines out of his and calls him a "good one"?? Little does she know that he has been texting me asking me to get pregnant by him and get married!! I feel like I should tell her but she has been warned before and doesn't listen to anyone only him.

I feel such a fool for believing his lies, I trust people and this is where it gets me. Like I say it hurt and I wish I never dug for info but now I have it, I'm not wasting a minute longer on this creep. The ex said he was going over to her house tomoz for tea and to watch a dvd, I was nearly sick when I heard that.

Oh well you live and you learn, and I've learnt a huge lesson

[louiseismyname]

I so wished id never gone routing, I'm my own worst enemy!! At least I have the closure I need and will certainly move on and forget him now. Im beating myself up over how stupid I've been!! My ex must think I'm a right soft touch who will believe anything. All I ever wanted to do was help hin, why are people so cruel??

I feel used and abused and a laughing stock, his ex seems like a nice lady but is very blinkered when it comes to him!! I suppose I was the same and I had to learn the hard way and get hurt again. I thought that he would never lie to me again , boy was I wrong and am paying the price for it now

[emopunk7]

Better late than never... At least you know what a loser he is... You have closure and now take care of yourself.

[asking]

I know this hurts right now. But it sounds like you finally have some clarity on who he really is. It should make the NO Contact a lot easier. Be good to yourself in this difficult time, and try to stop thinking about them. Buy yourself something nice, go out with friends. You need distractions and TLC.

Take care.

[louiseismyname]

Thanks for all your kind words and advice, I've not slept a wink last night. I was doing me best to put them out of my head but it didn't work :(

I just can't stop beating myself up for what a fool I've been beliving his lies, all I ever did was care for him and ask him if there was anything I could do to help him and he still ignores these texts. He told me they were never in a relationship and were just friends that slept together one drunken night, in fact they were together 6 months :(

I asked him a couple of weeks ago if there was anything that I could do to help him and he said stay and don't move to oz like I was going to, he told me to stay when all the while he was getting booty of his ex. I could have made a life changing decision and all the while he was doing this behind my back.

It's the hurt and humiliation that is hard for me, obviousley he don't know that I know this info on him, my last few texts were asking him if there was anything I could help him with "after he cut himself" and he hasn't even responded to my offer of help.:confused::confused:

This girl thinks he is Mr Wonderful, she told me he broke it off with her at the beginning of Oct after 6 months together as he didn't want to get hurt!! That's his usual line when it gets a bit to deep for him - he runs away. The thought of them together tonight at her house having tea and watching a dvd makes me physically sick. He was really getting his cake and eating it at the end, he had his ex who he no longer is with so no commitment but still gets the booty call and there's stupid me who is texting him every two minutes making sure he is OK and telling him I care about him very much.

All of this makes his text to me which read "i cannot be with anyone else louise as i would never love them as much as i love you" a load of c**p

I felt really awful yesterday as I said some horrible things in anger to my ex (as he wasn't responding to my texts when I was asking if he was ok), I said id wish I never met him etc, so yesterday morning I just dropped him a quick text to say sorry and that if he wanted to be friends then text me that day, last night at 6pm he hadn't responded so I just text him again saying that I take it that you don't want me in your life and so I won't contact you again. (these texts were before I found out that he was still seeing his ex for booty call)

Ive turned my phone off and got another one and am using that, I just feel so STUPID and AN IDIOT, he must be laughing at me big time and that's what hurts the most, to think an intelligent person like me could be fooled into caring for someone who treats me like that, I just don't know what to do, I've been trying to get my essay sorted, I'm 1000 words into 6000. The concentration levels arnt what they were for obvious reason.

I just feel so down and used and it hurts so much, I know I made a mistake digging and wish I hadn't done it but I have and il never contact him again, I just don't know how il ever get over the hurt and humiliation :(

[louiseismyname]

God I'm hurting so so much, I didn't ever think that he would have this much affect over my life. It knew from the start he lies and cheats but stupidly thought he would change, my heart is broken and I feel a fool

[amicon]

Don't blame yourself.
Don't beat yourself up. You re just another person like many of us who loved unwisely.

[louiseismyname]

Do you think I'm right not telling the ex that he is getting booty off what he has been texting me, I don't she will listen if I tell her and he will just say I'm lying plus I don't have the texts anymore as I wanted rid of him and his lies x

[amicon]

Please for your own sake have NOTHING to do with any of them. Just let it go now.

[louiseismyname]

Can I just ask amicon (and thanks for your help btw), why do you say let it go?

[amicon]

You re welcome! And let it go so you can start getting some peace of mind. Don't let this run your life.

[louiseismyname]

I know that if I email the other woman for one it will look like I care about that prat (which I do but don't want to show), also he will just say imlying and now I've deleted all the texts I have no proof of him wnating to start a family with me. I kept the text for a long time but in the end kept re reading them and sending myself mad so I just deleted them and him out of my life.

She was told that he was a cheater before she got together with him but she obvioulsey chose to ignore it then and will probably do the same now.

I hate that I'm the one who has cared and been there for him but its me that is alone and feeling this way while they "booty call" each other twice a week.

[amicon]

Louise-you k n o w this guy and his messed up life is something you completely need to leave behind you.You are going around in circles with this, make your mind up that you have the strength to just move on.

[talaniman]

The truth hurts, but now that you know the truth, you can let him go for good.

[asking]

Louise,
To be honest, I am beginning to think you need counseling. I don't want to minimize the pain you are feeling, but my sense is that you overdramatize everything. You say you want to break up with him, and you have good reasons to do so, but you have been texting him non stop. Your behavior would confuse anyone. Being friends with this guy is not an option. Get a grip!

If you want to be happy, you have to try to be happy. Instead it seems that you are just wallowing in your misery. Everyone here has given you the same advice, but you just ignore it.
Asking

[louiseismyname]

Louise,
To be honest, I am beginning to think you need counseling. I don't want to minimize the pain you are feeling, but my sense is that you overdramatize everything. You say you want to break up with him, and you have good reasons to do so, but you have been texting him non stop. Your behavior would confuse anyone. Being friends with this guy is not an option. Get a grip!

If you want to be happy, you have to try to be happy. Instead it seems that you are just wallowing in your misery. Everyone here has given you the same advice, but you just ignore it.
Asking

Thanks for all your help and advice, after finding out his lies I feel free and although I'm hurting it gave me the strength to move on. Stupidly my friend told my ex's woman about him texting me etc (I told him not too btw) and how he wanted to marry and have kids with me, she believed him at first then wanted proof but because I deleted all his texts she is unsure now. She has been warned so many times but don't listen even if she had proof she wouldn't believe it. She asked my friend to tell me to ring her but I haven't done, I just want out of this whole mess tbh. She won't believe me WITH OR WITHOUT proof so why bother.

Im just getting out of the whole mess before it gets anyworse, I'm concentrating on my family and friends oh yes and my study that I've not been able to concentrate on for weeks because of his lies regarding him cutting himself. I am sad and angry but want to get past this as then he has won. Ive turned my old phone off and got a new one so he has no way of contacting me ;);)

Anyway, that's in the past

[amicon]

Its in the past and it stays in the past.
Stay strong.

[louiseismyname]

Thanks for all your help and advice, without this forum id be in the nut house, it annoys me that I deleted the texts from my ex so I have no proof for the ex as she is asking for some but I can't do anything about that now I suppose

[amicon]

Just leave that a l o n e-its not your problem. Concentrate on your own life and your happiness.