[datinganew]

I'm stuck. :(
My mind's a mess of thoughts so bare with me in trying to get this out legibly.

I met Sarah online at the beginning of the year. Shortly after our first in person meeting she ended up moving to a neighbour city which is a few hours away. Our friendship continued online and 2 months ago we took the step into 'relationship' category. Since then I’ve travelled and spent at minimum every weekend up at her place. I find myself falling for her and I’ve grown very fond of her 2 year old son. I feel like I fit into her little family very well.

I have issues with her commitment level and whether I’m Mr. Right vs Mr. Right Now but that’s for another thread...

What I’m up late at night worrying over right now is something that I’ve kept from her. Her living in another city with me doing all the travelling has made this secret easy to keep but this coming Halloween is the end of avoiding this truth. She’s going to be in ‘my’ city for Halloween visiting the father of her child and she’s brought up the idea of us getting together.

**At almost 30 I’m living with my parents.**

Now... it’s not like I’ve never left home. Previous to the start of this year I had been on my own for 10 years. I moved out after high school and made a life for myself. A hard breakup ended that. I’m living with my parents right now because they provided me a place to live when my life fell apart. I’m living with my parents because it’s allowing me to go back to school and better myself. I’m living with my parents because I don’t want to settle in the current city I’m in. At the end of the school year I plan to move back out with my feet firmly on the ground and ready to go.

With the above reasons I don’t think it’s that big of a deal but it still is. I feel like I’m lying to Sarah. Not directly but lying by omitting facts even if I've never been directly asked. When I say I’m going back to my place I say just that... not that I’m going back to my parents place.

I’m not where I believe I should be in life. I’m on my way there but I’m not there yet. I feel like I should be at this place before I even look at forming a relationship with anyone but here I am. Add to all this that the father to her child is very successful and was able to provide the stay at home mom life that she wants I feel like I’m not measuring up. I want to give her that life but I can’t... yet...

So...

Do I just bring it up like it’s not a big deal in a chat online?
Do I tell her I’m coming up tomorrow and tell her in person?

Either way.. I know that if she makes a big deal of it then she’s probably a little shallow and not the woman for me. (but then... I wouldn’t blame her.. who wouldn’t rather have a partner who’s not living at home close to 30? Lol)

I’m scared to hear her reaction and part of me feels like going up and explaining myself might make it better.. help her see that it’s not a big deal.. . but then going up kind of says that it is a big deal. If it wasn’t such a big deal why couldn’t I just bring it up like it’s nothing in an MSN chat? AHHHHHHHH

What should I do?

[kctiger]

Tell her the truth in person. She deserves to know the truth and it would be different if you were living off your parents, not trying to better yourself. There are plenty of people in this tough economic climate that do just what you are doing. Sometimes we have to take a step back to be able to take a few steps forward.

Deal with your own insecurity issues and let her know what the situation is. I am sure she will be understanding.

[Jake2008]

I know this is a pride thing, and nobody wants to have to say that they are living with their parents at age 30.

But, you have to be realistic here. You aren't sitting around playing video games all day, eating pizza and drinking beer.

You ARE bettering yourself, and plan to return to an independent lifestyle. You have already been on your own, and this is just a temporary stop. Just a few months actually from where you are now.

Don't be ashamed to say that until January you are staying with your parents, due to the reasons you've said here. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. Most of us have been in similar situations over our lives and end up at the parent's house for a few days, or a few months. It's not a big deal.

I think that if she's let you close enough to her to get to know her son, that she will respect your honesty, understand your situation, and not make a big deal out of it.

I also think it will be easier to tell her than you think.

[Gemini54]

Just tell her what you said on this post. It's not like you've lied to her or tried to deceive her, you were just hiding that little bit of embarrassment about living with your parents.

Hell, I can understand that, and I'm sure she will.

It also gives you the impetus to make sure your get your own place, and perhaps get out sooner.

Be grateful that you have parents who are happy to have you at home!

[slapshot_oi]

I feel your pain.

You only have to worry about that kind of stuff if you're trying to make a first impression, and it is a killer. After that, you're okay as long as you show intention on leaving.

And do it in person.