[Ol Hank]

20 years ago, I dated a boy in high school for 1.5 years. We had a very close relationship that ended when he dumped me for another girl. I did not want to have sex with him ( I was a virgin) and this other girl was sending him x-rated notes (You get the picture). I got over him quickly and moved on. I met my husband shortly after him and we married six months later. We have been happily married for 19 years.

Recently, my ex has been in contact with my sister (he found her through Facebook).
He wanted my e-mail address so he could contact me and give me some closure on what happened to our relationship. He has emotional problems stemming from a bad family life (which I knew about in high school) and has been going through counselling to help him deal with these issues. He feels that he owes me an explanation for what he did to me so many years ago.

I told my sister she could give him my e-mail address so he could send me a note and if that gave him closure and helped him deal with his past, good for him. I have no ill will towards him. I actually have no feelings for him whatsoever. I have no need to hear his explanation - the only reason I agreed to this was so he could get the closure he wants.

He did send me the e-mail but left it very open-ended. It insinuates that he wants me to reply and give him permission to start an e-mail relationship with me. I do not want to do this. My sister has already asked me why I am not replying to his e-mail. I explained to her that my replying would give him the green light to start a conversation with me (which I do not want to do and consider highly disrespectful to my husband). She told me that I am reading the situation all wrong and that I am being mean by not replying.

I can't help but feel I am being bullied by my sister into doing something I do not want to do and against my better judgement. Do I really owe this guy anything? What do you think?

[amicon]

You make your own decisions and no one else. Your sister s entitled to her opinion that s all, she doesn't decide what you should or shouldn't do.
You re in a happy marriage and you don't want any further contact with the ex. Just leave things as they are and don't reply to his email.

[I wish]

Sounds like you need to boost your confidence. If you believe that you are doing the right thing, then whatever your sisters says shouldn't change your mind so easily.

I for one agree with what you did. You were kind enough to give him the opportunity to get whatever he wants off his chest. But it doesn't give the green light to start a conversation through email.

Stick with your decision. He can contact you if he wants, but it doesn't mean that you need to reply. If it starts getting to be a hassle, then you can always block him on email.

As for your sister, let her know that you appreciate her advice, but you are the one who's going to make the final decision.

[Just Looking]

It's been 20 years. I doubt he really needs closure, but is more interested in talking to you again. You are right to avoid it. You are happily married now, and this would not be fair to your husband. Trust your gut.