[adair]

I just found history on my computer that my 13 yr old step son has been searching porn sites for bondage and rape. I'm very concerned about this. I understand that a child can have curiosity about porn in general, but, this seems extreme for a child his age... has anyone else dealt with this ? Any suggestions on dealing with it ?

Thanks,

Adair

[twinkiedooter]

My first suggestion is to immediately put parental controls on your computer for safe internet sites and to have the porn blocked.

You might want to somehow sit down and talk to him about this. Ask him about where he saw or read or heard about such practices and explain to him that is is inappropriate behavior.

[adair]

Thank you for the quick response, I'm looking up parental controls now.

[omgtoast]

It doesn't sound to me like you are as much concerned that he is viewing porn as you are concerned about the content of that porn-- citing your use of the word "extreme". If you are concerned that a fixation with bondage and rape may be unhealthy, this may be no more than a curiosity, and not at all indicative of a possible personality defect or disorder.

Fantasy and internet are one thing; the more important question is how does he REALLY feel about what he is seeing? How does he treat the women in his life? You, mom, sisters, girls at school? What sorts of misogynistic jokes (if any) does he make when he's with his friends?

You can talk to him to get an idea of what's actually going on in his head; if you aren't comfortable talking about porn, then mention a news report or something about a woman being raped or some sort of domestic violence. Or, talk to him about gender roles, or girlfriends. If when you are talking to him he understands how people are meant to be treated, with respect and care, then this pattern online is relatively harmless-- until he goes blind :-p.

I am speaking from personal experience, by the way (I'm sorry if I am delving into the world of TMI). I started viewing that sort of porn at that age, but the deviant behavior from my bedroom does not translate into unhealthy relationships with other people.

And PS, I agree with you if you choose to use Parental Controls on the internet-- your Internet bills, your rules. I will just warn you not to get a false sense of security from that, because there are ways around these blocks he will discover.