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kctiger · Oct 21, 2009, 06:16 AM

So long as you can go on a date and enjoy her company, I highly recommend it, but that's where it stops. Nothing wrong with having fun with a male or female friend.

Just to buck your argument though, according to your posts in this thread you already know females are interested in you and find you attractive. If you just wanted attention, you wouldn't need a date to prove it.

A4Effort · Oct 21, 2009, 06:21 AM

I use the term "date" rather loosely. Also, I tend to post often how I go out with just females but I go out with many male friends too.

But I think in the beginning I was trying to find anyone who would just keep me company because I did feel lonely and just needed to have someone around me. But that has changed now.

paxe · Oct 21, 2009, 06:34 AM

As long as it is company and nothing else for now. It doesn't hurt to get some attention just be clear of what your intentions are to any girls.

A4Effort · Oct 21, 2009, 06:51 AM

Yes, I agree. I do not have to proper mindset at this time to be in a relationship. Also, I remember someone saying in this thread that when they stopped looking for someone that is when they found the one for them.

I just want to have fun now and go out and meet new people. If I meet someone special while I am socializing that is great. If not that is fine too. I did not look my for ex when I first met her. Life happened and that is how we got introduced. Life will happen again and I will meet someone else.

A4Effort · Oct 21, 2009, 10:25 AM

Ok, I had a moment of clarity. I am just sitting here studying for a midterm and I just stop for a moment to think. I realized how I need to stop all this pity and wallowing. Damn, life is too good to be depressed. I will be fine. I am a young attractive man with many great qualities. I need to have fun now and let life happen. There is no need to rely on anyone else besides myself. Time to work on myself and my future career. Time to have fun. Time to enjoy and continue exploring. Time to dream and continue working hard to achieve my goals. I've been holding myself back. I've been hurting myself. No more of this crap.

If I have another low, I will deal with it. I will not remain stuck in it. I will not let one person change my life.

I cannot wait until all my exams are done because I am going all out this weekend. I want to go dancing in the clubs and feel happy again. I want to have fun with friends. I have some much confidence, happiness, and strength running through my body.

This is the ultimate high so far. One high that not one drug can come close to. This is the moment where I let go of the past and focus on the present and future.

kctiger · Oct 21, 2009, 10:33 AM

The one thing I can say about life: the only thing that counts are the memories you make. At the end of the day try and have more good than bad memories.

A4Effort · Oct 21, 2009, 10:53 AM

I agree with that and I also think that life is about the relationships you form with others.

amicon · Oct 21, 2009, 11:13 AM

Have a great time. :-)

talaniman · Oct 21, 2009, 12:02 PM

I love it when people share their good days, and not just the bad ones.

Much luck with those exams.

A4Effort · Oct 21, 2009, 03:36 PM

It is so strange how emotions can overpower your rational thinking. I think this is something I need to work on. I cannot always let my emotions carry me away.

I think there is still a twisty road ahead of me where I will have my ups and downs but I think this time I will be more prepared. I will not let them control me.

paxe · Oct 21, 2009, 04:39 PM

Martial arts and sport helps you for that ( I know mine does ). I have a better control over myself when I've trained and I gain confidence along the way. Now you are really taking control of your own life.

A4Effort · Oct 22, 2009, 10:36 AM

Well, my exams are complete and I finally was able to get a full 8 hours of sleep today compared to the 8 total hours I had in the past 2-3days.

I still am working on moving on, I still have this odd hurt/sad feeling inside, and I am still adjusting to this big change.

But I am super happy because I am going to a bar with this girl I met the other day tomorrow and then I am going dancing with her and some friends of mine later on. Also, I am going out with another good friend this weekend to discuss some business plans.

Even though I have been affected by this break up greatly I have not lost sight of my goals. I am currently in the process of opening a photography business with a friend. I have a few gallery openings and exhibits coming within the next few months. I am doing well in school, meeting plenty of new friends, socializing, flirting with girls, working out, and having a good time even though I am busy every second of the day.

I just need to let time pass and heal my wounds a bit more. I am dreaming and standing tall once again.

A4Effort · Oct 24, 2009, 08:07 AM

Update: So I had the best night since the last 2 months. I went on a date with a girl met. I had no intentions besides having a good night. We went to a bar and just got to know each other. From there we went to a club and danced. After that I drove her home. She invited me inside to meet her roomates. They were asleep so o decided to head out. She gave me a hug and we ended up kissing/making out. Twice. I didn't want to go any further so I went home. I am looking for anything nor am I hoping for something to happen. I'm going to let life happen and just have a good time.

I am so happy I could just hug anyone around me.

paxe · Oct 24, 2009, 08:32 AM

I think there is a discrepancy between what you say and what you do and that's bad. That is not the proper way to healing *sigh* yet again.

You DON'T use anyone to get over your ex. Even if you say I didn't want anything to do with it, you ended kissing her and that made you feel good. You may feel good for some time, but after that you'll have many lows because you will miss the affectionate feelings of having someone. Even if it is only a kiss.

Having a good time when you just broke up is not about flirting or going out with one girl, on a date, to take your mind off your ex. It is about spending quality times with friends and socializing (with more than one person) and hanging out in a group.

You were feeling really bad a couple of days ago and now you're feeling a super high? That's the low and high you were talking about and you have to control your emotions. If you want to do this the proper way, don't fool around and take time to heal properly. I've been there and I had the same low's and high's but it's unealthy on the long term.

A4Effort · Oct 24, 2009, 09:50 AM

I agree with you for the most part. I have been socializing with friends. I've been going to parties, doing photography with friends, lunch, hanging out, watching movies together, etc...

But also I have been going on dates because it feels good getting attention from the opposite sex. The kiss wasn't planned and it just happened. I've been trying to control my life in many ways but now I am just letting certain things happen. Yes I felt great.

The more I do things like that the faster I move on. I realize that I still need time to heal but I am not rushing into anything.

talaniman · Oct 24, 2009, 10:00 AM

I think as long as your honest with yourself, and treat others the same way, nothing wrong with having a great time. A kiss is just a kiss, at this point, but you did well for a first date, as long as you stay within the bounds of good behavior, and not get carried away by YOUR OWN feelings.

You done good for yourself grasshopper. Just don't go having sex, and think your in love after a few dates.

Talaniman Rule-Date them all, short, fat, skinny or tall. 18-80, blind cripple, or crazy.

Hard to get attached to one, when you like them all. And that's what you need, to stay uncommited, unattached, and have fun getting to know them all.

There is plenty of time for romance later, when your really ready, and not lonely, or in lust.

paxe · Oct 24, 2009, 10:12 AM

What I'm really saying, it is excellent to have a good and fun time. Just don't overdo it.

I can probably explain with my own example. After my break up, about 3 months later, I was overally happy and getting high's all the time, but it became a drug. I wanted it more and more, just keep going out, flirting with girls, making sure they were checking me out.
It affected a lot of things especially my studying.

Now I have much better control of my feelings and emotions, I can go and have tons of fun, but I'm remembering all the other important things in my life (school, future, familly, sport and volunteering). In time you will learn to control emotions and see that everything is mostly back to normal without her AND you have become a better, fuller person, who doesn't NEED the attention of girls to feel good.

You should feel good alone with the things you do in life, not with the people you attract.

A4Effort · Oct 24, 2009, 10:13 AM

I love talaniman rules.

I think if I really wanted to I could have received more than a kiss but I knew better than that. Also, she is a sweetheart but I am not thinking beyond a date. I do need to be honest with myself and her so that I do not hurt anyone. But I do enjoy dating and I will only keep it at that for a while.

But it is so hard to keep it at a kiss only. Damn!

A4Effort · Oct 26, 2009, 09:37 PM

This is strange. I am experiencing a low but it is very different this time. I am not thinking about her. I am not thinking about how I miss her. I am not thinking about what she is doing. I am not thinking about anything related to her.

I think it has more to do with the fact that I miss being in a relationship. I miss having someone by my side. I miss caring for someone, etc... I feel good about being a single because I have the opportunities to do whatever I want, whenever I want, and with whomever I want. I love meeting new friends, flirting, and just socializing in general. I am accomplishing a lot more too. I am working out again 3 days a week, spending more time on my academics, and hanging out with my friends more.

It is weird. I am not thinking about her anymore. I am not sad that we broke up. I still love her but I do not care about getting back together. I know this is a low and it will go away by tomorrow.

I wonder why it is that I am missing being in a relationship? I am happy as a single person and have come to realize that I do not need another person by my side. But I still miss being in a relationship. I do not need a relationship to make me happy but it is a different type of happiness when you are in a meaningful relationship.

But, maybe I am just lying to myself. Who knows.

I guess I still need to let time pass.

emopunk7 · Oct 26, 2009, 10:24 PM

This is normal... It has only been about a month since you posted here. You had a high the other day and now you are experiencing a low. This will happen for a while so don't over analyze. Give it another month and you will be a bit better. Take your time and just make sure during this OH SO DRAGGING time that you don't slack in your work because you will feel more down. Don't worry too much. You are cool and of course you want a relationship because you just came out of one. In time you won't feel that way. I'm going through the same and maybe you can answer my question now in I can't TRUST MY GIRLFRIEND... LOL Feel free to email me at... can help you any time with advice as I've been through all this just hangin in there going through it again but this time I control my emotions a lot better and I'm not making the same mistakes. You will be fine and that's the bottom line. Just hang in there. You will have better times with someone else or maybe you will find a new way of enjoying life without a relationship for a while. Your life can be unique. Who knows? Enjoy life my friend. Its too short to stay down SO GET THE HECK UP!!
Lol... stay cool friend! Stay cool.