[jones27]

I just found out my wife had an affair,my wife suffers with depression and recently came clean that she slept with another man,she says it happened some months back,she has been seeing a counsoller for depression over the last six months and says she has been severely depressed over what happened,I found out because I became suspicus because her moods had changed from the last time she was seeing a counsoller.she became distant but always insisted that she loved me and was just going through a tough time.
She was away tonight with her friend and yes it was just her friend when while looking for a cigeratte I found the wrapper from a morning after pill.so I called her and told her and that's when she confessed.what do I do we are together for seven years but only married for two.she is my best friend and the one I love.what do I do?

[ChihuahuaMomma]

You think real long and hard. Do you think you can forgive her? Do you think it'll happen again? Can you live the rest of your life knowing that your wife betrayed your vows? If you can, go for it. If not, move on.

[Jake2008]

Depression is not an excuse to sleep around.

It would be different had she done something she regretted, and faced you, and told you. Had she shown remorse, offered to go to marriage counselling etc. She did none of these things, it was a deliberate, intentional decision to sleep with another man.

That you found out, is the only reason she confessed, otherwise, she'd have kept it a secret, and likely carried on with the other man, or more after him.

You are in a position where you can figure out what you are comfortable with, and what you are prepared to do.

If she is serious about saving her marriage, then insist on marriage counselling to get to the bottom of it. It is possible to work very hard, and put the marriage back on track.

Should this turn out not to be something she is willing to work toward, then really, what's the point in staying married.

Perhaps it is better you know now, and can move on with your life, rather than expect her to change when her heart is not really into it.

[Fr_Chuck]

So what doyou want to do ? Do you want to try and make it work ? If so, you both go to counseling, A relationship is not made or destroyed if both people want to make it work.

[Gemini54]

I'm sorry, but she has been deliberately cheating on you. I agree with Jake, depression is no excuse for infidelity and it seems as if your marriage is in serious trouble.

The ball is in your court. If you want to save your relationship (and she does as well), the your only option is to let her know that this is a deal breaker. She needs to cease contact with this man immediately and you both need to go to counselling.

Your relationship won't survive unless you take the time to discover the reasons for what is happening between you.

[jmjoseph]

Get yourself checked. She obviously had unsafe sex. Did she think the cure for her depression was inside another man's penis?

Don't let her blame the depression, or you. She cheated.

Can you, with all your heart and soul, forgive her? That's a tall order, I know.

The answer to your problem is in that question. If you don't TRULY forgive her, it will eat you up like the worst cancer.

If she has crossed the line, end it.

Anytime she is late, or you're not quite sure where she is, are you going to wonder if she is up to it again?

I feel for you. I wish you the best.

[dustdevil]

I think guy affairs and women affairs are different.

Guys just want the sex, and can walk away out of guilt.

Women want the sex and an emotional connection, and can't walk away as easy.

I've been cheated on in many, many, many relationships before (Even my current marriage). The girl always ends up leaving.

That said, after many years, many of those same women would have me back.

Giving them oodles of attention afterwords to try to 'fix' my problems hasn't seemed to work. Perhaps try being selfish about your feelings?