[paxe]

Hey Rebecca,
Good to know you're taking good care of yourself. Don't worry you will be able to enjoy single life with tons of friends, it feels great!
Also, try to plan a long vacation far away, even if it is one year from now, it will help you move on and expand your horizons.

[confusedrebecca]

Hi,
I have a small update. My ex stopped sending me flowers since the Saturday black ribbon-ed one. I guess he gave in finally after 3 weeks. He stopped all together include sending flowers & sand witches to my office, phone calls and emails.
It seems he decided to disappear from me completely.

I should feel better, but I suddenly found myself more depressed and empty. Sigh... I feel the 1.5 year relationship really ended.

Last night, I had a dream that my ex and I were shopping for a puppy. We had to choose one among 3 cute puppies, black, white and brown, but all were so cute and hairy, and I had hard time to choose one. All 3 puppies started licking my face, I felt so good and laughed. I woke up, and still could feel the ticklish sensation on my face, but the puppies were not real... It made me feel more empty... Should l I get a puppy by myself? Does it help to heal?

I bought a bunch of books, tried to read some, but could not concentrate at all... It seems my emotion all died.

How should I get rid of this depression? Any advice? All of you are so wise, and should know something better than me... thank you.

Love & respect,
Rebecca

[friend4u178]

Rebecca
Great news that he's finally leaving you alone , and your feelings of emptyness are perfectly normal and you'll find they will subside with time. This is all part of the healing process. Hang in there your doing great.

And please don't get a Puppy just to fill the void , that's not fair to the Pup. Get one for sure when your ready to look after him and are getting him for all the right reasons. Don't forget getting a Puppy will be a 10-15 year commitment.

[Cat1864]

Does your apartment building allow pets?

What I tell anyone who is looking at getting a new puppy: You shouldn't unless you have the money (vet bills, grooming, if needed, etc.), time (puppies especially need a lot of training time and dogs are very social animals), energy (most breeds need a lot of exercise and playtime. They really suffer mentally and physically, if those needs aren't met), and patience (training takes a lot repeating yourself and staying calm when they mess up. Positive reinforcement works better than negative.). One other thing about dogs, you also have to be ready to pick up their excrement (lots of devices on the market that keep hands far away from the waste.)

You should also never get a puppy as a "spur-of-the-moment" type purchase. IF you really want a dog, I suggest researching breeds that do well in apartments and city living. Then either adopt from a shelter or a breed specific rescue or find a reputable breeder in your area and buy a purebred from them. If you are unsure about breeds, you might even look at breeders in your area and contact them to find out more before making a decision.

If you really want an animal companion, you need to remember, that most cats and small to medium size dogs can live to be 15-20 years old. They are a long term commitment.

If you are unsure about getting a pet or what type to get, you might ask here: Other Pets & Animals - Ask Me Help Desk. The experts on the pet forums can give you ideas on a variety of animals to think about.

That said. It is up to you to decide what your needs are. IF you decide to get a pet, I recommend taking at least a month to research what type would be best for you and your life-style. The research alone might help you fill part of the loneliness that you are feeling.

[paxe]

You're feeling lonely because you are alone right now. You probably felt annoyed but not alone when he was sending you all these gifts. Usually the dumper like to have attention from the dumpee.

It is all normal feeling, you have to fill your life with joy, activities, friends and family. You have now full control of your life and you can do whatever you want. Try something new, be positive everyday, put a smile on that face... you'll get better day by day.

[redhed35]

Part of being in a relationship is nurturing the other person.

When they are gone,we miss the feeling of being needed.

Hence the puppy dream!

Could you volunteer in a children's hospital or animal shelter for a while?

[confusedrebecca]

Rebecca
Great news that he's finally leaving you alone , and your feelings of emptyness are perfectly normal and you'll find they will subside with time. This is all part of the healing process. Hang in there your doing great.

And please don't get a Puppy just to fill the void , thats not fair to the Pup. Get one for sure when your ready to look after him and are getting him for all the right reasons. Don't forget getting a Puppy will be a 10-15 year commitment.

Hi friend4u178,
I agree it is not fair to have a 'rebound relationship with an innocent puppy'.
I appreciate your advice!

[confusedrebecca]

Does your apartment building allow pets?

What I tell anyone who is looking at getting a new puppy: You shouldn't unless you have the money (vet bills, grooming, if needed, etc.), time (puppies especially need a lot of training time and dogs are very social animals), energy (most breeds need a lot of exercise and playtime. They really suffer mentally and physically, if those needs aren't met), and patience (training takes a lot repeating yourself and staying calm when they mess up. Positive reinforcement works better than negative.). One other thing about dogs, you also have to be ready to pick up their excrement (lots of devices on the market that keep hands far away from the waste.)

You should also never get a puppy as a "spur-of-the-moment" type purchase. IF you really want a dog, I suggest researching breeds that do well in apartments and city living. Then either adopt from a shelter or a breed specific rescue or find a reputable breeder in your area and buy a purebred from them. If you are unsure about breeds, you might even look at breeders in your area and contact them to find out more before making a decision.

If you really want an animal companion, you need to remember, that most cats and small to medium size dogs can live to be 15-20 years old. They are a long term commitment.

If you are unsure about getting a pet or what type to get, you might ask here: Other Pets & Animals - Ask Me Help Desk. The experts on the pet forums can give you ideas on a variety of animals to think about.

That said. It is up to you to decide what your needs are. IF you decide to get a pet, I recommend taking at least a month to research what type would be best for you and your life-style. The research alone might help you fill part of the loneliness that you are feeling.

Cat1864,
Thanks for your professional advice. My ex and I wanted to have a puppy together, and I thought it might be a good sign of my independence if I have a puppy by myself.
I will think about it again... thank you.

[confusedrebecca]

You're feeling lonely because you are alone right now. You probably felt annoyed but not alone when he was sending you all these gifts. Usually the dumper like to have attention from the dumpee.

It is all normal feeling, you have to fill your life with joy, activities, friends and family. You have now full control of your life and you can do whatever you want. Try something new, be positive everyday, put a smile on that face... you'll get better day by day.

paxe,
You are right about all again.
When he bothered me, I did not feel lonely. Now, I really start my healing process by my own. I know I have now full control of my life and I can do whatever I want. It is indeed a powerful situation, but I do not have enough energy to enjoy it now.
I will feel better someday. I am looking for the best way to regain myself.
Thanks much.

[confusedrebecca]

part of being in a relationship is nurturing the other person.

when they are gone,we miss the feeling of being needed.

hence the puppy dream!

could you volunteer in a childrens hospital or animal shelter for a while?

Redhead,
You are so accurate about everything.
I am so amazed by your dream interpretation. You are much better than Freud.
I actually nurtured my ex quite well, he consulted me with every single little thing with me. Ha ha except the deception. Now he is gone, and I have nothing to take care of except myself. I know I should think I am so grateful I am free like a bird. But I lost balance, and feel so empty.
It is really good idea to volunteer for someone who need help. I have a nursing home near by, and I may can find something I can do there. It will be nice if I can make someone smile. Thanks again!

[amicon]

You will regain yourself Rebecca-we all do. Allow yourself the time it takes.
Take care.

[confusedrebecca]

You will regain yourself Rebecca-we all do. Allow yourself the time it takes.
Take care.

amicon,
Thanks for your kind word. I guess there is no speedy way to recover from breakup. I will take time, and process all of this... thank you for your encouragement. I means a lot to me while I am struggling. You are amazing!

[friend4u178]

Rebecca
You'll be fine honestly and your positive attitude in all this will go a long way to helping you heal faster. We give our advice/opinions to so many people on this site and a lot of times people just want you to tell them what they want to hear , they almost fight with the advice until it finally sinks in.

That's fine and just the heart ruling their heads but you seem to be getting it and it's a real pleasure being part of this thread.

You my Dear are a breath of fresh air , well done :)

[Cat1864]

Friend, I have to spread some rep, so here's a virtual greenie.

Rebecca, I agree. I haven't been on AMHD for very long, but long enough to know that you are truly a unique person with a very refreshing outlook.

[confusedrebecca]

Rebecca
You'll be fine honestly and your positive attitude in all this will go a long way to helping you heal faster. We give our advice/opinions to so many people on this site and a lot of times people just want you to tell them what they want to hear , they almost fight with the advice until it finally sinks in.

Thats fine and just the heart ruling their heads but you seem to be getting it and it's a real pleasure being part of this thread.

You my Dear are a breath of fresh air , well done :)

friend4u178,
Thanks for giving me positive word for me. It is my luck I found this site and get support from you, and all of you. I am trying hard, and still fighting with the urge of self pity & endless sadness. Thanks again...

[confusedrebecca]

friend, I have to spread some rep, so here's a virtual greenie.

Rebecca, I agree. I haven't been on AMHD for very long, but long enough to know that you are truly a unique person with a very refreshing outlook.

Cat1864,
I am new here, but know enough how wonderful this site and you guys are!
It is my pure luck to meet you guys here when I go through this crisis with non stop tears...
Thanks again!

[confusedrebecca]

Somebody called me around midnight.
I picked up the phone, and the person was in silence, and hung up...

[redhed35]

Hey rebecca, it could have been a coincidence.

What do you think?

What is your feeling on the call?

[confusedrebecca]

Hi all,
As Just Looking suggested while ago, I am reading other people's story on this board when I cannot sleep.

I do not think my healing process is smooth as you think, far from it inside of me, but it only started a different phase without intrruption by my own. If you insist if I made some progress, I will say all credit goes to this board & all of you.

When I join here with crisis, you guys gave me every single word absolutely I could not here anywhere else, except here. It was really amazing.
I felt chill on my back whenever you guys gave me the straight answers instantaneously. I was and still am mess and still seeking guidelines in the middle of confusion & pain.
I need to tell you. You guys are amazingly brave to say anything straight, while I was afraid to verbalize, accept and admit in every situation when I need to make a decision in any given moment. You guys must experience almost same pain as I do, and your analysis & interpretation was just accurate, and every single advice was really effective & good remedy. I am telling you, I listened carefully, and processed every single word you guys gave to me through my heart. I lived by warm encouragement & kind words you guys gave to me for the past 3 and half weeks. I need to confess I did my best not to make you guys disappointed.

Without you guys, I could not do this at all, and I might still lost more, fell apart, and perhaps gave in. I cannot thank enough. I like to believe I made a right decision for my future. I guess I am growing by going through this pain as God planned. Everything happens with reasons. Right? Since I joined, I read all the threats for the past weeks, and learned a lot of heart wrenching real stories, I never imagined before. I felt all the pains so vividly, and cried for them by myself. I like to tell you, I love all the guys here, and wish you the best luck. You all deserved to be happy.

I am still grieving, but I do my best to live right minute by minute. I will not negotiate with the ‘wrong doing’ even though it is so hurtful. I still love my ex as he was before the incident. Just like old phrase, if you love someone, just let go. It implies here. I cannot accept the real ugly person ruin my pure love for the man I thought to be my dream man. My ex was truly my first love in the deep level, and I certainly planned life long journey with him…and it is gone now.

Well, as you guys all know, it still hurting me so badly. I completely have lost my smile since the day one. I like to smile one day with pure joy.

By the way, be honest, I have not even talked to my parents about my struggle in detail. As a grown up, I felt shame to talk about my inner struggle with anyone include my parents and siblings. Well, you guys are the only people who know what was really going on inside of me…You had my heart.

Thank you for being so kind to me, a struggling faceless stranger, without expecting any returns or conditions. I think you guys are angels, who are making this world more beautiful… Good night, guys.

Another sleepless night,
Rebecca

[redhed35]

Hey rebecca. The boards are quite,I'm going to break the rules,and talk for a minute with you.