[xxammredxx]

I am a 18 year old college student and I have seen a lot in life. My mom has been a single parent for as long as I remember she is a mother of 4, and married 3 times. All me and my sisters could use therapy or something. We have all seen divorce. We all always wanted to have a father figure in our lives. I am the oldest the next following is 14 then 4 then 3. My mom provided us with shelter and food and we have never gone without something we needed. Only because I was the oldest I always had more responsibility. I cleaned most of the house and made dinner helped with my sister as much as I could and stayed on top of school plus I was captian at my schools basketball team. I became really stressed out and soon found the inability to balance it all out. My mom for some reason feels like she still has to be young she wants to go out every weekend and sometimes comes home totally drunk. I always tell her that she can go out because I know that she works all week. But she quickly took advantage of that and began just leaving and not even asking if I would watch the kids or not. She has become very dependent of everyone. She expects everyone to put her first she has a tremendous ego and always says no one helps her. Her sisters help her in anyway possible my grandma picks up her kids from daycare everyday and takes them home and makes them dinner and feeds them for her. My mom only picks them up and brings them back to the house only to ignore them. If they ask for milk her answer is ask your sister. If she needs something its bring me this or bring me that. If me or my 14 year old sister try to talk to her about something and she's on the computer or watching TV or on the phone [which is like 24/7] she completely ignores us. Even when we think she is listening she completely forgets like it doesn't even matter. She has always babied my 3 other sisters I always carried all the resposibility I bathed the babies for her got them what they needed put them to sleep dressed them in the morning played with them. I cleaned the house made food when I needed too washed clothes every week. Soon I couldn't take it. I ran away and she put me through hell she told my family I was horrible and that I turned against her. That she never asked me for anything and that Im being selfish. I soon heard crap and put downs from everyone around me. I waited to return only to find that the family was doing fine without me. But soon I noticed all the pressure I felt on me was being put on my 14 year old sister. And she too is starting to hate life. We both cry at night wishing we were dead. We both feel like she doesn't want us here because were her daughters but because were needed for what she doesn't want to do. I recently got a job and instead of saying good job I got into trouble for not drying her clothes. I wanted to go visit my dad who I am in contact with now and she said I didn't have permission. She tells me that I can't do things when I don't help her. And that I need to complete my chores and she works to give me everything I need and I don't return the favor. I have been working since I was 16 I haven't asked her to buy me not one thing since. And since I ran away she refuses to buy me anything without me having to pay her back. She complains about giving me rides to places. And doesn't want to get me food simple things like shampoo and soap I buy myself because she will not buy it for me. I'm independent and I love it but I can't be completely independent because she's holding me back. I want to leave sooooo bad but I feel llike I can't because of my sisters. What can I do?

[twinkiedooter]

What can you do? You can move elsewhere. Your sisters are the ones who will, yes, suffer once you are gone.

I think mom needs to lay off the booze. She sounds like an alcoholic to me acting that way making the older siblings care for the younger ones. She is the one who needs to grow up - not you as you sound much more mature than she is.

You say you are a college student and are 18. If you are 18 you don't need her permission to leave the house to go anywhere. Go visit your dad and see if you can't stay with him for awihle.

If your mom is that out of control may I suggest that you contact Children's Services after you leave the home and live elsewehere?

You are young. Being 18 does not mean you've seen it all. I am in my 60's and trust me, I've seen it all.

Mom needs to straighten out and fly right. She feels hemmed in by all her kids and wants to be free to "run around" and be with men. Since she has a terrible track record of 3 marriages, I think she'll never get her act together unless she meets a very nice man who is willing to put up with her shennanigans. Being a mother is one thing, being a caring mom is another. She needs to make up her mind soon about whether she really wants the responsibility of raising her brood. Ask your dad if he would be willing to take all the kids and have them live with him for awihle and maybe permanently. Mom's obviously lost it.