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dunno · Nov 14, 2006, 09:36 AM

My fiance' has a 6 year old daughter. The mother takes her to therapy once on Monday and both mother and daughter talk to the therapist together. THen daughter goes to therapy on Thursday without mother present in the room. Now the mother wants my fiance' to start taking his daughter to therapy a 3rd time on Wednesday where my fiance' would talk to the therapist with his daughter too. So this 6 year old would be going to therapy, 3 times every week! Isn't this a little excessive? I've never been to therapy so I don't know... Is there such a thing as TOO much therapy? I think 3 times a week is ridiculous.

Krs · Nov 14, 2006, 09:38 AM

Why does this 6 year old child need therapy in the first place?

dunno · Nov 14, 2006, 09:47 AM

The mother went to prison for 15 months and custody was given to the 6 year olds maternal grandmother who is emotionaly abusive. After the 15 months, my fiance' finally got to see his daughter after about 3 years. (the mother moved and kept him from seeing her) Then the mother regained custody (pending a custody hearing) and she moved the 6 year old from the grandmothers, to a new apartment, and after 1 month, moved AGAIN across the state from us. So 6 year old was moved constantly.

After she moved across the state, she kept us from finding her for 4 months. The mom's boyfriend (who the 6 year old called daddy since she didn't know my fiance' was her real dad) left the country for 5-6 months. So, she basically lost both her "dads" at the same time. My fiance' got to see his daughter once in December, once in Febrauary and once in April (we lived over 300 miles away and couldn't afford more visits)We now live 10 miles away from her, and the mother has cut off all contact with us once again. We haven't seen my fiance's daughter since April.

Only contact we had was about a month ago when the mother called wanting my fiance' to take his daughter to therapy. This came after she told him that she was done dealing with him and basically she wasn't going to let him see his daughter again. She said her lawyer was sending papers for my fiance' to sign and then he could take daughter to therapy. We have not received anything from her lawyer and she still won't answer the phone. SO we really don't know what's going on.

Yes we are going to court for contempt. The hearing is less than a month away. We have everything documented and emails and phone records showing denial of his court ordered visitation and her not answering her phone so he can have his court ordered phone visitation.

Basically mom seems to be the main contributor to the problems.

Krs · Nov 15, 2006, 01:44 AM

Is there any chance your fiancé her father can get custody?

I think this poor 6 year old needs a good family such as her real father and yourself.

J_9 · Nov 15, 2006, 05:31 AM

Too much therapy? It all depends on what the therapist has diagnosed her with. The therapist may be asking for a third day in the week so that he/she can see the stability of your fiancé.

We have not heard anything really about the behavior of the 6 year old and so on.

As I said this could have been requested by the therapist.

valinors_sorrow · Nov 15, 2006, 07:15 AM

Although most of the time I have sought help, its been once a week or less... long ago, I attended therapy three times a week, then two, then once and eventually every other week when I was being treated for ptsd. I was not a child though and it was life threatening so it took that to survive.

I hope your finace has a really good attorney who will help him put his child's welfare first. Since going to therapy usually helps get to the bottom of things, I would advise your finance to take the invitation to go. He could firsthand evaluate if the child's welfare is forefront when her asks why all the therapy - a valid question on a first session. It might be useful to have some idea who the therapist is too - child psychologist, social worker, licensed mental health counselor, etc and that is reasonable to ask too. Just a few thoughts.

dunno · Nov 15, 2006, 08:18 AM

My fiance' wants to go to the therapy sessions but his ex says he has to wait for her lawyer to send him some sort of papers to sign. We're not sure what for. But his ex says that after he signs these papers, she'll notify the therapist and the therapist will contact my fiance' to arrange the sessions.

We have tried to locate the therapist and arrange a meeting with her but we can't seem to find her. We only know her first name so we don't have much to go on. We're not even for sure what town she's in. So right now, it's a waiting game. I'm assuming that we'll never see these "papers" that my fiance' is supposed to sign, since his ex was served papers concerning our hearing to find her in contempt recently. I'm sure that only pissed her off more and she's going to do more to stand in the way of our relationship with my fiance's daughter.

As for the behavior of the child... when she is with us (like I said, that hasn't been since April) she is very loving. SHe never wants to let go of her daddy and cries when we say we have to take her home. She has asked us every time, if she can stay the night with us. (the court order says no overnight visits at this time. We're going to try to get that changed)

The last time she was with us, she asked her mom if she could stay the night with us. My fiance's ex said "No honey. You know why? Cause you're going to wake up in the middle of the night and I won't be there. And then you're going to go 'wah, wah, I want my mommy!' and I won't be there for you." (brain washing?)

I really want my fiance' to be able to talk to this therapist to tell her his side of the story. His ex has the therapist thinking that he is a danger to his child. ( he has never and will never hurt her. He is a wonderful father) He just wants to see his little girl.

By the way, the mother has taken the child out of school to home school her WHILE she is running a full time daycare...

Thank you all for your help!

J_9 · Nov 15, 2006, 12:01 PM

Originally Posted by dunno

The last time she was with us, she asked her mom if she could stay the night with us. My fiance's ex said "No honey. You know why? Cause you're going to wake up in the middle of the night and I won't be there. And then you're going to go 'wah, wah, I want my mommy!' and I won't be there for you." (brain washing?)

Dunno, I don't see this a brain washing per se, but more like manipulation.

Please do not let your fiancé sign the papers without first having an attorney look at them. There could be some loopholes that are easily missed by the layperson and caught by a professional.

If an attorney is drawing these papers up then he really should have the advice of another attorney in interpreting them.

I used to work for several law firms, so I know firsthand how tricky they can get.

dunno · Nov 15, 2006, 01:20 PM

Originally Posted by J_9

Dunno, I don't see this a brain washing per se, but more like manipulation.

Yes! That was the word I was looking for. (manipulation) Thanks!

My fiance' was already planning on having his attorney look at the papers before he signed anything. But I really don't think we'll be seeing any papers now that she has been told that we are taking her to court for contempt. From what I know about her, there's no way she will let my fiance' see his daughter now. He has tried to call on his scheduled days and times but she of course doesn't answer. We are going to send a Letter of Intent to Exercise Visitation and see if she responds to that. (I doubt it)

My fiance' is afraid she will move so we can't find her since she's done it before. I just wish we could hurry and go to court and see if it helps at all. I want to hear her try to explain her reasons for not letting her daughter see her father. Should be interesting.

It's just sad that people are forced to "pay" to see their kids. (lawyers, etc)

dbek · Nov 17, 2006, 08:39 PM

Originally Posted by dunno

My fiance' has a 6 year old daughter. The mother takes her to therapy once on Monday and both mother and daughter talk to the therapist together. THen daughter goes to therapy on thursday without mother present in the room. Now the mother wants my fiance' to start taking his daughter to therapy a 3rd time on wednesday where my fiance' would talk to the therapist with his daughter too. So this 6 year old would be going to therapy, 3 times every week! Isn't this a little excessive? I've never been to therapy so I don't know...Is there such a thing as TOO much therapy? I think 3 times a week is rediculous.

3 times a week does sound extreme but it's probably only for awhile and then they will cut back on it. Evidently she needs help, at at least the mother is getting it for her. Have him go and see how it is-and he could talk to about his concerns with the therapist.

dunno · Nov 19, 2006, 03:58 PM

The mother might be getting her help but she is the cause of many of the problems. My fiance' hadn't seen his daughter since April and then yesterday we ran into his ex and his daughter at the mall. His daughter ran right to him after mom tried pulling her a different direction. So, after a little while my fiance's is holding his daughter. While he is, the mother is standing there telling my fiance' how he hasn't tried at all, and he's a liar and that I'm a liar. On and On and On. My fiance' tells his daughter that we moved and we now live really close to her. So his daughter says "Why don't you come to see me?" (mom won't let us) and the mom says "He lost his chance." and then made up the reason why he hasn't seen her. So mom just stood there yelling at my fiance' right in front of their daughter.

So... yeah, mom might be looking like the good person by taking her daughter to get the help she needs, but badmouthing dad right in front of the daughter isn't going to help anything. All that does is make it worse. Then, as my fiance' was standing there with his daughter, mom's boyfriend calls. Mom comes over to my fiancé and his daughter and says to the child "Your dad just called. We need to go home." But fiance's daughter says "That's not my daddy! I'm with my daddy!"

So... who's messing with the child's head? Not us!