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A4Effort · Oct 17, 2009, 07:18 AM

Yeah, that is what I have been doing but I still get affected just by seeing her. I feel like I am at this stage now where I can accept that we broke up. I understand that I will find another. But, I am still not accepting the fact that we will never get back together. I still love her and I doubt that will ever change. I am feeling better each day about being single. There is more time that needs to pass to heal these wounds.

I keep having this floating thought in my head about how one day she will contact me and ask to hang out. From there we will start seeing each other again and end up dating again. I don't know why I am thinking this but I cannot continue believing this because if it does not occur it will hurt me even more.

KillerInstinct · Oct 17, 2009, 07:34 AM

A4, the situation I was in a couple months ago was similar. I left my first everything because I was unhappy, even though I didn't know if it was the right decision.

To this day, I still have these floating thoughts about her contacting me, well she does every once in a while and since I'm still a bit weak, I answer and talk.

So my advice to you is: if she tries to contact you, do not answer/reply, etc. In my case, we talked for twenty minutes and she just told me how this was great and that was great. Sometimes it can suck you back in. For me, she treated me terribly during the relationship so it's not the same situation, but you do know that if she reels you back in, she will probably break your heart.

Stick to your guns, don't give into wanting her back. You will find someone better than her who will know what their life is about and won't need to leave you behind.

I wish you all the best.

Killer

talaniman · Oct 17, 2009, 07:35 AM

I carried those thoughts myself so very long ago, that never happened, but one thing I have learned very well since then, It gets better every time I got dumped, because I knew what to do about my own feelings so moving forward happened fairly fast.

I was on a real roll when my now wife made that come to screeching halt. Darn women!

A4Effort · Oct 17, 2009, 07:39 AM

Thanks killer for sharing your experience and I agree with you. If I talked to her again I know I would get sucked in and I would be hurt again.

Talaniman, your telling me that I should just date more and get dumped more so that I can learn more about myself? Hahaha jk

Well, I can't wait until that day that I find that screeching halt.

Oh, and one more thing. I met this girl yesterday who was very interested in photography so today her and I will hang out. I will teach her how to use a DSLR camera and just have some fun. She seems like a very nice girl and is beautiful but for some reason I don't feel happy. It has nothing to do with her. I should be very happy that I am able to meet people left and right but for some reason I'm still hurt/sad.

A4Effort · Oct 17, 2009, 09:20 AM

This is not good. I am having these crazy feelings know as love for her floating inside me. They are making me want to contact her and profess to her how much I still love her. I thought I was done with this stage. I thought I was fine with her being out of my life. But all I am thinking now is how much I am in love with her.

I won't though since I know what it can do to me.

amicon · Oct 17, 2009, 09:26 AM

Calm down-it s your heart ruling your head.

A4Effort · Oct 17, 2009, 09:29 AM

You think your over something and then it comes back to bite you in the butt. I know my feelings will probably change once I hang out with this new friend that I met yesterday. I never was this emotional before.

A4Effort · Oct 17, 2009, 11:28 AM

Well, now I am just talking to myself. Don't even listen to my stupidity. I almost texted my ex. I wanted to tell her even though I was moving on that I was still in love with her. Before I did I texted my good friend/martial arts instructor telling her that I wanted to do this.

She told me that I was being an a**. I told her how I was worried that if I have no contact with her that she will leave me for good and never talk to me ever again. Then she sent me this quote via text: "If you love someone set them free. If they come back it was meant to be."

Is this true?

bswc · Oct 17, 2009, 11:48 AM

You love her, that's why u wanted her so bad. On the other hand she don't want you back, you do the maths A4!

A4Effort · Oct 17, 2009, 12:27 PM

Well like the quote, I set her free. Now if she comes back to me I know its meant to be. But she did that to me once before and it didn't turn out for the best.

talaniman · Oct 17, 2009, 03:45 PM

Then it wasn't meant to be.

You think a guy made that up? I doubt it, but some female did, and told her daughter, so she could get rid of the guy in her life.

paxe · Oct 17, 2009, 06:59 PM

Yep, are you willing to lose time over her again? I doubt it. Besides, there is plenty of girls but take your time of being alone and being selfish. It's excellent to do things you really want to do, being really free without having to look with somebody else if what you are doing is OK with them.

God, I love being single right now!! It's so liberating!

bswc · Oct 17, 2009, 10:50 PM

That's good, you can learn from the past. Keep your head straight up man!

A4Effort · Oct 18, 2009, 06:45 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Then it wasn't meant to be.

You think a guy made that up?? I doubt it, but some female did, and told her daughter, so she could get rid of the guy in her life.

Great! Just great!

Yesterday I went on a date with this girl I met recently. She wanted me to teach her how to take pictures with a DSLR. We when downtown for a few hours and took pictures while getting to know each other. Afterwards I took her out to dinner. We had a great time and I really enjoyed it. Afterwards I had a few friends come over and we just hung out. We ended up going to a party and having a good time. I had a great night but I feel like still.

I had a mutual friend of my ex's and mine tell me how she spoke to my ex the same day her and I had that little incident. She told me that my ex was saying how I was being weird because I didn't want to talk to her much. She says she wants to be friends with me. I was very frustrated. How can she want to be already friends with me only after a month. Has she lost all romantic feelings for me already? This hurts so much.

All I can think of is how I want to be back with her. I don't care about being single and having a good time with others. I don't care about being able to go on billion of dates and getting all these numbers. I don't care about having time to do anything and everything. I am miserable without her. I am in love with her and nobody else. Why can't I move on like her? I love this woman!!

THIS DAY SUCKS! I need to make sure not to be weak and do something stupid.

amicon · Oct 18, 2009, 06:57 AM

I think you know that listening to whatever info other people volunteer s not the greatest of ideas though sometimes hard to avoid.
Next time politely refuse to listen.
Your ex has no right to expect friendship from you -she s let you down twice and you re still hurting.
There is no magic wand that will take your pain away instantly but even though you re feeling low now you ll feel better as soon as you can let go of false hope.

A4Effort · Oct 18, 2009, 07:09 AM

I am doing everything right. Dating, NC, socializing, learning new things, etc... But I still have these feelings for her and I don't think they will ever go away. I just want to be with her. But going up to her and telling her all this will only push her away. But waiting around will have her forget about me.

talaniman · Oct 18, 2009, 07:12 AM

Originally Posted by A4Effort

I am doing everything right. Dating, NC, socializing, learning new things, etc.....But I still have these feelings for her and I don't think they will ever go away. I just want to be with her. But going up to her and telling her all this will only push her away. But waiting around will have her forget about me.

Geez guy, go somewhere, and cry your butt off. The point of the exercise is to learn how to manage yourself in positive ways, and pining over someone who doesn't want to be with you is not positive. You expect to feel good after only a short time? Doesn't work that way.

That's your problem, there is no instant happiness for any one, so get busy, and keep working until it works.

Now man up! Get the job done. Sorry to be harsh, but we don't wallow in our own s(crap)T. To hell with her, and her friends, who cares.

A4Effort · Oct 18, 2009, 08:50 AM

That's the thing I care about her. I couldn't care less about her friends. I care too much about her. I need to let her go but I can't. I don't know why but I feel like she is the one for me. It sounds sooooo cliché but its true.

I can move on. I can be happy. I can be single. I can find another. I can do everything necessary to be alirght again but doing all these things will not get ready of the feelings that I have for her.

amicon · Oct 18, 2009, 09:02 AM

I think you ll find that those feelings will go away-with time.

paxe · Oct 18, 2009, 09:03 AM

Yes it will. Nothing is in the absolute and you are only thinking with your feeling. We never told you it's going to be easy, we said it's going to be hard but in the end of the day, you will feel better.

For now, you shouldn't care about what you want or desire, you should just continue NC and continue taking care of yourself. If you take care of your body, your body will take care of your mind.