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Nellie1223 · Oct 10, 2009, 12:59 PM

I do believe in soul mates. I do think that I married the wrong person. As for him he thinks the same thing but, he is also married. We do stay close so that if one falls the other helps them up. We do love each other and it did take us 10 yrs to realize that but, we will have to stay best friends for now till we figure out what to do so that no one gets hurt.

tara1 · Oct 12, 2009, 01:57 PM

Originally Posted by Nellie1223

We do stay close so that if one falls the other helps them up.

It seems to me that people look for emotional support, and on finding it more easily with the friend of opposite sex, confuse it to being "soulmates". Also, you may be getting along better with this person than your spouse because you invested more emotion in this relationship/friendship and ignored your marriage unknowingly.

Gemini54 · Oct 13, 2009, 01:51 AM

There are 2 issues here.

One you are married, and clearly discontent with the marriage. Two he is married, and also must be discontent in that marriage. So, you find solace with each other, armed with your mutual discontent which you have been nurturing over the past 10 years.

Have you heard of emotional infidelity? That is what you're doing with this man. Don't kid yourself that you're waiting for the right time, so that no one will get hurt. People are already being hurt - slowly but surely your marriage and your 'soul mates' marriage are being eroded. Convincing yourselves that you are 'soul mates' absolves you from putting effort or work into your respective marriages and allows you to perpetrate the romantic dream of being together.

I apologize if I sound harsh. But what you are doing is dishonest. If you sincerely believe that you are 'soul mates' then put it to the test. Make the decision to be together and let your partners know what is going on.

People will get hurt regardless of whether you do it now, in 5 years, or in 10 years.

Fr_Chuck · Oct 13, 2009, 02:13 AM

Two people learn over the years to love each other, it is obvoius you two have grown apart or both of you would not even consider that there woulc or could be someone else out there.

I would suggest that this silly ( grass is greener on other side of the fence) idea be forgotten and a plan to work on your marriage be considered.

Catsmine · Oct 13, 2009, 12:18 PM

Originally Posted by Gemini54

People will get hurt regardless of whether you do it now, in 5 years, or in 10 years.

Too late. The marriages are damaged, someone has been hurt whether they know it or not. Are the marriages fix-able? Maybe. Should they be fixed? Only you can answer that, Nellie.

Jake2008 · Oct 13, 2009, 11:31 PM

So you and your "soulmate" have something going on, and both spouses are totally oblivious to this infidelity.

Does that seem a tad out of whack to you?

What about coming clean, and not using your married mates, until you find a way out. How very kind and generous of you to keep your affair secret, and you have the audacity to make it sound like you are doing THEM a favour?

You OWE your husband honesty, trust, fidelity and accountability. Your emotional bankruptcy has left you thinking it is somehow okay to have a man on the side.

How about talking to your husband, and letting the soul mate crawl home to his wife and sort out his own problems. Maybe marriage counselling? That is something that married people do when they are having problems. I've never heard of any counsellor recommending adding another man to the mix to solve marriage problems.

I have no sympathy for you. You have created a situation that is destroying your marriage, and your "soul mate" is doing likewise. Maybe the two of you deserve each other.

The least you could do, is stop using your husband as an excuse to carry on what clearly is an affair, so HE can make a choice whether it is worth the effort to stay married to a cheater.

talaniman · Oct 14, 2009, 09:12 AM

Using the soul mate excuse as a reason to cheat is disgusting, and dishonest..

Cat1864 · Oct 14, 2009, 09:35 AM

I wonder if the respective spouses found "their" soul mates what ruckus these two would raise about being cheated on.

Of course since she doesn't seem to be able to support her argument for emotional (if not physical) infidelity here, I would bet she doesn't have the strength of character to leave her husband at any point in time whether he would be hurt or not.