[susan1950]

I was in a serious relationship for the better part of two years with a co-worker. There is a significant age difference between us (18 years), and due to my desires for a family and his not wanting any more children, just couldn't try to make this relationship work any more... he broke things off just before Thanksgiving last year.

Since then, I've met a very wonderful man, Joseph, who treats me very well and I honestly feel that I have a promising future with, if I can just get over this man I work with!

The man from work has also started his own relationship - with a another woman in our office (I think he likes women at work!). She consequently was a long-time friend of mine and until recently did not think very highly of this man... However, they seem to be in dreamland now, and are enjoying each other very much. At least that's what her Facebook page says... there are even pictures of them together... Ugh!

I feel like I have lost a friend AND am reminded for 9 hours a day of the ex-boyfriend and all the failures associated with that relationship...

Short of changing careers, how do I cope with this? I honestly feel that if it wasn't for working with him, I wouldn't even think about him... but seeing him 5 days a week, and having to work so closely with him doesn't allow me to detach.

Someone please help!

Susan

[paxe]

Your situation isn't easy at all, but not impossible. First try to be as concise and to the point as possible. Secondly apply NC as if you were not seeing him (sport, hanging out... ). Thirdly, it doesn't seem to have finished in a disaster and you both have someone else, it will take time but you will get over it.

[123skyscraper]

I have to work with an ex too. I avoid him at all costs. I keep the NC rule bcos I really don't want to associate with him for anything. Just be professional and precise and to the point if you do have to work with him. I would choose email over face to face contact, it`s easier. Good thing my ex been screwing up accounts A lot after he dumped me. He's the new girl's problem now!

[I wish]

The first step is to delete both of them from your Facebook, so that you don't have to get updates about them.

Secondly, can you change departments? Just avoid any possible contact with either of them. Focus on your job. Focus on the task at hand.

It's very difficult to get over someone that you work with because you cannot fully implement the no contact rules. That's why office romances are not recommended.

You knew what you were getting into when you started dating him. So now you have to face the consequences of your actions.

[Gemini54]

Boy, you like to do things complicated. By the way, so does he - 2 women in the same workplace that are (or were?) friends!

First of all, why is changing workplaces out of the question? If you really want to get him out of your head and retain your friendship with her, changing jobs is really the only option.

Alternatively, It's about shifting your mind set. In your mind, go back to seeing him as your co-worker not an ex-lover. Each time your mind starts to think about the relationship failure tell yourself to stop and change your focus back to the work that you're doing.

If you need to meet with him or talk with him tell yourself he's a colleague and try to be dispassionate about his presence.

Practice 'detachment' when you're around him (and your GF), in other words focus on letting go of the attachment you feel to him and not judging how well or badly you're doing in this.

In the end, it is a difficult situation and you can't entirely control it. Trying to control it might make it worse. Things will change in time.

Acceptance that it IS difficult and that it WILL take time, might make it easier to bear.