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pensive28 · Oct 11, 2009, 09:27 AM

I am 18. I seem to spend my time chasing guys I can't have. The ones that want me are obsessive and clingy. The ones I like happily get with me but want nothing more. Without being full of myself, which I am not, I am good looking I get a lot of male attention, and my friends would vouch for my bubbly happy personality. So what is wrong with me? Why can I not find the right guy. I don't mean to spend the rest of my life with just mr right, for now?

CGM91 · Oct 11, 2009, 09:29 AM

Originally Posted by pensive28

I am 18. i seem to spend my time chasing guys i can't have. the ones that want me are obsessive and clingy. the ones i like happily get with me but want nothing more. without being full of myself, which i am not, i am good looking i get a lot of male attention, and my friends would vouch for my bubbly happy personality. so what is wrong with me? why can i not find the right guy. i dont mean to spend the rest of my life with just mr right, for now?

Can you clarify what you mean by obsessive and clingy?

And you are young, give it time.

pensive28 · Oct 11, 2009, 09:32 AM

They meet me once or twice and then suddenly won't leave me alone or accept that I am saying no. come to my house with poems on valentines day. Tell me then love me that sort of thing. I know I am its just hard when you see other people so happy.

CGM91 · Oct 11, 2009, 10:10 AM

Originally Posted by pensive28

they meet me once or twice and then suddenly wont leave me alone or accept that i am saying no. come to my house with poems on valentines day. tell me then love me that sort of thing. i know i am its just hard when you see other people so happy.

You are mad that guys write poems for you on Valentines? I think you are being a bit too "social class bias." You shouldn't want to be in a relationship to feel accepted or to have someone there as an anchor.

I think you should keep an open mind about everyone, when you limit your choices you limit a lot of potential "knights in shining armor."

pensive28 · Oct 11, 2009, 10:13 AM

The poem was about wanting to have sex with me in the back of his car. And I had known him for less than 2 weeks. I am open minded and I understand that fairy tales don't exist. But is it asking too much to just have a functional relationship?

CGM91 · Oct 11, 2009, 10:17 AM

Originally Posted by pensive28

the poem was about wanting to have sex with me in the back of his car. and i had nown him for less than 2 weeks. i am open minded and i understand that fairy tales dont exist. but is it asking too much to just have a functional relationship?

Fairy Tales do exist, but it is very hard to find one when you are only looking for a certain type. You are 18, in college/university I presume? Why would you want to be in a relationship right now for any other reason but to appear like you "can" get a boyfriend?

From my perspective you look to be needy and bubble headed.

I don't think you are ready to be in a relationship.

chuff · Oct 11, 2009, 11:17 AM

Originally Posted by pensive28

I am 18. i seem to spend my time chasing guys i can't have. the ones that want me are obsessive and clingy.

Ever think the ones you chase think you are obsessive and clingy?

Originally Posted by pensive28

the ones i like happily get with me but want nothing more.

Why would they? If I get with a girl with no conditions, I've already determined that she doesn't care enough about herself to be selective. I'm not saying a girl has to be a virgin, but I'm not going out with a slut that gives it away. This is exactly what guys think when you get with someone so soon and that is why they want nothing more.

Originally Posted by pensive28

without being full of myself, which i am not, i am good looking i get a lot of male attention, and my friends would vouch for my bubbly happy personality. so what is wrong with me? why can i not find the right guy. i dont mean to spend the rest of my life with just mr right, for now?

You can't find the guy because have double standards. You give it up way to soon but then you get mad when some guy writes poems about nailing you in the back seat. Don't get me, wrong a poem about nailing you in the back seat is pretty trashy but if you give off that aura to some guys, you give it off to all. You have to hold yourself to a higher standard and a higher standard of men (ie not boys) will appear.

pensive28 · Oct 11, 2009, 11:35 AM

I am by no means a slut. I have not slept with any of these guys.. .

chuff · Oct 11, 2009, 11:39 AM

Originally Posted by pensive28

the ones i like happily get with me but want nothing more.

What does this mean?

pensive28 · Oct 11, 2009, 11:41 AM

Get with as in kiss...

chuff · Oct 11, 2009, 11:44 AM

Originally Posted by pensive28

get with as in kiss....

Oh my bad. I read that to mean you were sleeping with the ones you were chasing but turned off by the clingy ones chasing you. My apologies.

Now, having said that, do you still think you might be clingy to the guys you want and you don't notice it with the guys you don't want because you could care less?

Just Looking · Oct 11, 2009, 11:59 AM

Pensive,

You have mentioned that you are attractive and have a happy, bubbly personality. Those are great starts. A quality guy is looking for a quality girl, so I would suggest that you develop in all ways. Are you going to school, getting a good education? Are you figuring out what you want to do with your life? Are you working towards that goal? Are you trying new things? Are you opening yourself to the possibilities in life? 18 is a transitional age. You can stall or you can excel. If you really want the quality guy, be sure you are growing and evolving, becoming the best you can be. That is what attracts a quality guy. There are lots of pretty girls, but not as many pretty girls who have a lot going for them.

In the meantime, take your time and stick to your standards. Date all types of guys but do it for the experience and fun of it, not with the idea that you have to find someone. There’s plenty of time for that. Enjoy being single, and use this time to really figure out what you want to do in life. Good luck.

pensive28 · Oct 11, 2009, 12:01 PM

Its all right it was an easy mistake to make. Well it is possible but I know I don't act clingy. Meaning call/ text them constantly. Appear in places I know they will be or things like that. I am too scared of getting hurt so I don't really let them know how I feel. As for the clingy ones I do notice them, I wish I liked them more than I do. Its as if I won't let myself be happy. Most of them are very nice but I don't feel for them the way they feel for me.

pensive28 · Oct 11, 2009, 12:46 PM

I am in full time education, I plan to become a barrister and then later a judge. I have planned it from a young age. I am a very fun loving girl, and love doing new things. I think it is a problem I have maybe I am just looking for something that isn't there...

talaniman · Oct 11, 2009, 05:25 PM

So stop looking, and just enjoy yourself. Save the kisses for the ones that really deserve it, and appreciate it. The rest your just to busy for.

jmjoseph · Oct 11, 2009, 06:29 PM

Concentrate on your education. A nice guy will come along. I wish you luck.