[A4Effort]

I sure hope that is true because I feel this great sense of loneliness. I am not used to having time to myself. For the past couple weeks I've been trying to surround myself with others in order not to be alone. Even tonight I ended up texting tons of people until one person invited me to come join them at a bar. Even when I came home from there I went to this girls room and talked with a few people. From there her and I watched a movie together. I do not feel comfortable to having anything to do and I do not feel comfortable being by myself. I enjoyed the companionship of my partner. I enjoyed her warmth and touch. I enjoyed having someone to talk to before going to be. Someone to be intimate with. Some one to laugh with, etc... Now when I am by myself, I crave those things and it makes me sad because I do not have this anymore.

Is this normal to think this way?

[amicon]

Its normal-it takes a while to realise that we can be happy and comfortable with our own company.
You re doing the right thing by seeing people and building up your social life.
Its also normal to miss the closeness and the good times-but try to remember that there were times that weren't so good and that the relationship s over for these reasons.
It may seem like a long and winding road but you ll get over this.

[paxe]

This is the learning process, you have to learn to enjoy yourself alone. Of course it is normal, and it takes to actually be OK alone. I was like you, I tried to go out every night since I broke up and see as many people as possible. After a while, you balance your life and you find out that it's actually OK to be alone.

[kctiger]

It is normal and expected. It takes a long time to learn the difference between being alone and being lonely.

[A4Effort]

Having had someone there by your side for 2 years and suddenly having her gone is a big adjustment.

I don't know why I am thinking this but the reason as to why I am having a hard time moving on is because I do not think I will find someone who was like her.

She was very gorgous. She was thin but had curves. Her hair was brown and wavy. She dressed exceptionally and had class. She was adventurous in every way. She was a virgin before we met but together we were able to explore like crazy. She was confident with her body and with her self. She was very different from most girls on campus. She was smart. She has a gpa of 3.96+. She is very driven and knows what she wants in life. She knew how to relax and enjoyed the occasional party. She was all this and much much more. I cannot believe that I lost her. Now I feel like whomever I date in the future, they will never match up to her. I do not want to settle for someone. I want someone with similar qualities and over the years I have met many people and they did not come even close to her.

[talaniman]

Once you make adjustments to yourself, you will adjust to others, and their different ways. That's just part of the process, of learning and growing.

Its so normal to miss some one and their ways as that's what attracts you, but I think when your ready to really let go, you will appreciate the differences in others. For now, your just use to one persons ways. That will change in time.

[A4Effort]

I understand that but I don't want to have to settle for someone who is not as driven as me. Someone is not confident in themselves. Someone who is not adventurous.

I have this outlook for myself and the type of partner that I want next to me. I had this outlook before I even met her. When I met her she exactly matched those qualities. Hence why I fell in love with her and wanted to marry her in the end. But now to find another person that matches those qualities might take forever.

[talaniman]

Who says you have to settle? Just enjoy the journey is my point, with whomever you so choose.

You can have a great time with people while looking for that "soul mate".

[A4Effort]

I guess I am a bit insecure in that department. All through high school I did not date because people only ever saw me as their friends. Back then I also lacked confidence and was not in the best shape. Towards the end of high school my confidence was booming in every way and I vowed not to let anything hold me back from experiencing life. I also went through a physical transformation and started working out, running, martial arts, eating healthy, etc... I took care of myself in everyway. Now people see me as a metrosexual. I have tried my best to fit the double standard. I am confident in myself as a man and do not care much about not fitting the male norm. I work hard at everything, consider myself as an intellectual, someone who is aware of social justice issues, etc...

I have many girls who think I am cute, sexy, etc... Right now there is a graduate student who is infatuated with me.

But even with all this I still do not feel confident. I feel like I am unable to attract females who were like my ex because I feel like they are out of my league. I do not know why I feel this way but being in college all I see is girls falling for the "bros." Those guys who party every night, play hardcore sports, and basically opposite of me. They do not dress well, they are rude, cannot carry on a conversation, and fit the masculine norm only, etc...

Why do I lack confidence out of nowheres? This is not my typical self.

[kctiger]

You lack confidence because you have just broken up with someone you love. That is natural. Rejection sucks, especially when it occurs by someone we truly care for. Your confidence will come back. I also want you to apply extreme caution when putting your ex on this pedestal that is unattainable. I assure you there are PLENTY of women out there who have the same qualities she does.

[A4Effort]

I sure hope that you are right because I feel now I made a huge mistake. I feel like the reason she broke up with me is because she wasn't satisfied with me. The last couple of days I've been blaming myself for screwing this relationship up. I worked very hard to be the perfect boyfriend but I made some mistakes too that affected our relationship. She wasn't perfect either and I realize that. I know I should not be blaming myself. I know this was my first true love relationship and I did not know how to act the right way all the time. But now she has moved on. I know this very well and I have not. She was involved in another 1.5 year relationship right before me and she got over him very fast.

I do not understand why I can't just be happy that I was able to experience this. Why can't I just realize that things happen like this all the time to many people? Why can't I realize that life moves on and you do find someone else down the road? Why can't I just be happy with being single at this point in my life? Why can't I just accept the fact that I am still young and have plenty of time to find the "one?"

[kctiger]

You aren't happy yet because you haven't healed. Do you honestly think that you would be grateful to go through this while you are still healing? That isn't reality. We cannot see things clearly when our emotions are running at a 1000mph. Once you have had time and given the proper love to yourself, then those thoughts and realizations will occur, but not right now, and not for awhile.

[A4Effort]

I just feel with this break up I have become too sensitive. I fit the double standard well but I need to realize that I am a man after all. I do not want to wallow in my pain and show my ex that I am weak. Maybe she even left me because I became to sensituve. Time to man up again and regain the confidence I have lost. That doesn't mean I will treat other women negatively or do only manly things. It means that I will be more in control of my emotions and not show signs of weakness. Women always say that they want a man who is sensitive but deep down they want someone who is strong and confident.

[kctiger]

Being a man isn't about showing you are strong. It is about realizing you hurt and being able to get through it. It about recognizing that you have a heart and you are allowed to show emotions, you are allowed to have a pulse and be human. Being a man is knowing the right time to acknowledge the fact that you may need support, and that is why we are here.

[A4Effort]

Well the first time she came back it was because she saw how confident I was in myself. She saw the strength I had and it made her realize that I was the guy for her. I over analyze things and when I do this I become weak. Anything else in the past I was able to swallow and move past it. I started opening up too much and got lost in my emotions. Time to regain my strength and be the strong individual I was before.

[A4Effort]

I just made an intentional mistake. I did not do it because I was weak but rather because I chose to. I sent her an email telling her that I will no longer send her texts, emails, etc... I told her that I have been weak for too long and its time to be the strong myself that I was before. I told her to enjoy her life and that I enjoyed our time together. Yes this might have been a mistake but I do not want her to know that I will never get over her. I am not letting myself go down this path of depression and I will work my butt off to show everyone and myself that I can work through this.

[bswc]

I sure hope that you are right because I feel now I made a huge mistake. I feel like the reason she broke up with me is because she wasn't satisfied with me. The last couple of days I've been blaming myself for screwing this relationship up. I worked very hard to be the perfect boyfriend but I made some mistakes too that affected our relationship. She wasn't perfect either and I realize that. I know I should not be blaming myself. I know this was my first true love relationship and I did not know how to act the right way all the time. But now she has moved on. I know this very well and I have not. She was involved in another 1.5 year relationship right before me and she got over him very fast.

I do not understand why I can't just be happy that I was able to experience this. Why can't I just realize that things happen like this all the time to many people? Why can't I realize that life moves on and you do find someone else down the road? Why can't I just be happy with being single at this point in my life? Why can't I just accept the fact that I am still young and have plenty of time to find the "one?"

Edited and spell checked, https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...lk-303157.html

Let me share you my experience, I've been in 2 relationships. One for 1 yr, and the other one around 4 yrs. I got over my first relationship without a tiny bit of pain, but for my second relationship I totally broke down, it's the first I got dumped, I didn't know how to react, before god led me here. I screwed up around 1 month before I actually starting to set my mind on accepting the fact and get myself back. Everything you're feeling is normal, you're on the PROCESS of healing, but you're not fully healed. You got to be strong and patience

Your heart is lost and I'm very sorry to hear about that. I'm still healing right now, I'm able to control my emotions so I don't get wrecked up with anything about the ex. This also means I had made progress in the past few months.

Cut the contact is to make you realize that you can live without your ex, if your heart keep contacting her *in a sense that you're questioning yourself with things. Its hard to realize until you EXPERIENCED it. Just like you never know a break up can be such a devastating trip to hell. You'll know why things happen in such a way, when you accept it as a part of life. This list goes on and on... stay strong and tell us what you are feeling, focus more on thoughts rather than feelings right now!

[JTS31708]

Even though you sent the email to her telling her you will not be weak anymore and continue to be strong it still tells her that you think of her and not letting it go. I made the same mistake before. If she wants to talk to you or meet up or anything she will let you know in time. If not then continue to heal and not get involved with her at all. This will take time but after a while you won't even think about her.

[A4Effort]

I agree with you. I need to focus on myself and really stick to no contact. I need to take this time and work on improving myself. I already learned what I messed up on in the relationship. I need to be confident enough to realize that I will find someone even better. Someone who will appreciate me for who I am. Someone who will give me the time to do my own thing. Someone who will not compete with me. But until then I will work on my emotions. Pick myself up and use this event to become stronger.

[A4Effort]

So how do you work the whole being single thing? I am not even joking. Usually I try to plan every night out, that way I am not alone but tonight I stayed in because I feel sick. This is a really strange feeling being alone. I have not done this in the past 2 years. I feel strange in every sense. I have plenty of homework to keep me busy but I am not very used to being in my room with free time on my hand.

So how do I deal with this? How do I become OK with not having something planned? How do I become OK with being by myself?