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inkweaver99 · Oct 8, 2009, 08:16 PM

I need a good joke. Not a knock knock joke, mind. A super funny joke. SUPER funny joke that EVERYONE will laugh at. Not a dirty joke, maybe a funny joke that kids under 11 will understand, and their parents would approve of. Im babysitting, and I promise him a funny joke every time I come over. He is 10 years old, and his parents are sort of overprotective.

Funniest would be great thanks

Charlotte

summer7 · Oct 8, 2009, 08:38 PM

The story of the bats

Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood. One says, "Let's fly out of the cave and get some blood."

"We're new here," says the second one. "It's dark out, and we don't know where to look. We'd better wait until the other bats go with us."

The first bat replies, "Who needs them? I can find some blood somewhere." He flies out of the cave.

When he returns, he is covered with blood.

The second bat says excitedly, "Where did you get the blood?"

The first bat takes his buddy to the mouth of the cave. Pointing into the night, he asks, "See that black building over there?"

"Yes," the other bat answers.

"Well," says the first bat, "I didn't."

A good chess player

A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. "I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed. "That's the smartest dog I've ever seen."

"Nah, he's not so smart," the friend replied. "I've beaten him three games out of five."

I found these... They made me laugh and no bats or dogs were offended.

Now go have some fun!:D;):p!!!

inkweaver99 · Oct 8, 2009, 09:12 PM

Humm... maybe not the best... anyone else got a good 1?

Clough · Oct 8, 2009, 09:19 PM

Hi, inkweaver99!

Here's one that I posted back in 2007 on this site.

So, You Think That You Are Really Smart?

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Then, please try saying these two sentences really fast a few times.

One smart fellow he felt smart.

Two smart fellows they both felt smart.

Thanks!

summer7 · Oct 8, 2009, 09:48 PM

Good one, Clough!!! :D:):D:):D

Clough · Oct 8, 2009, 09:55 PM

Your jokes were good, summer7!

I enjoyed them! :D

Thanks!

firmbeliever · Oct 8, 2009, 11:27 PM

School Jokes By Kids

NIEHS Kids' Pages Jokes, Humor, and Trivia

Maybe he would like riddles?

Clough · Oct 8, 2009, 11:31 PM

Originally Posted by firmbeliever

Maybe he would like riddles?

Hi, firmy!

Yes, kids do like a challenge that makes them think!

Thank!

friend4u178 · Oct 9, 2009, 04:26 PM

Man with no ears!

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Sadly, Tony was born without ears, and though he proved to be successful in business, his problem annoyed him greatly.

One day he needed to hire a new manager for his company, so he set up three interviews.

The first guy was great. He knew everything he needed to know and was very interesting, but at the end of the interview, Tony asked him, 'Do you notice anything different about me?' 'Why, yes, I couldn't help but notice that you have no ears,' came the reply.

Tony did not appreciate his honesty and threw him out of the office

The second interview was with a woman, and she was even better than the first guy. But he asked her the same question: 'Do you notice anything different about me?'

'Well,' she said stammering, 'you have no ears.'
Tony again got upset and chucked her out in a rage.

The third and final interviewee was the best of the bunch. He was a young man who had recently earned his MBA. He was smart, he was handsome and he seemed to be a better businessman than the first two put together.

Tony was anxious, but asked the young man the same question:
'Do you notice anything different about me?'

Much to his surprise, the young man answered, 'Yes, you wear contact lenses, don't you?'

Tony was shocked and realised this was an incredibly observant person.

'How in the world did you know that?', he asked.

The young man fell off his chair laughing hysterically and replied,

'Well, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with no ears! '

Alty · Oct 9, 2009, 04:31 PM

How do you catch a bear?

You dig a deep hole and fill it with ashes.

Then you surround the hole with peas.

When the bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ash hole. :)

Alty · Oct 9, 2009, 04:32 PM

A bear and a bunny are taking a poo in the woods.

The bear turns to the bunny and says, "Excuse me, does poo stick to your fur?"

The rabbit says, "no".

So the bear wipes his bum with the rabbit.

Catsmine · Oct 9, 2009, 04:34 PM

What's the difference between two telephone poles?

Orange, because an elephant can't ride a bicycle.

Edit 90 minutes later: The joke is that the parents don't get it.

Cat1864 · Oct 9, 2009, 05:47 PM

Psst.. wanna hear a dirty joke? A white horse fell in a mud puddle.

Want to hear an even dirtier joke? He splashed the dog.

friend4u178 · Oct 9, 2009, 05:57 PM

A big white horse goes into a bar and orders a scotch. The Barman says we've actually got a scotch named after you.

The big White Horse looked at him in a puzzling sort of way and said... what? You've got a scotch called Eric?

Alty · Oct 9, 2009, 06:04 PM

Okay, keeping in mind this is an 11 year old and it's October. Get ready for some Halloween jokes. Boo you! :)

What does a hungry ghost want?
Ice scream!

What was written on the hypochondriac's tombstone?
"I told you I was ill"!

How do you make a witch itch?
Take away her w!

Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
Because he had no body to go with!

Why are graveyards so noisy ?
Because of all the coffin !

Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
His ghoul friend!

Why do you always find ghouls and demons together?
Because demons are a ghoul's best friend!

Go ahead, throw things. I want to cry. ;)

summer7 · Oct 10, 2009, 11:59 AM

Two men were walking their dogs together. The first guy with a Chocolate lab and the second a Chihuahua

The first guy says, "Hey, you want to get something to eat?"

The second guy replies, "Yeah, but they all have signs that say 'No Dogs Allowed'."

The first guy with the lab puts sunglasses on and hands the other guy a pair. "Follow my lead," he says.

As he walks into the restaurant a waiter stops him and says, "Sir, no dogs allowed."

The man replies, "It's O.K., this is my seeing eye dog." The waiter apologizes and leads the man to a table as the second man enters.

The same waiter stops him but the guy says, "This is my seeing eye dog. I'm with the other guy."

The waiter replies, "Sir, you can't fool me, you have a Chihuahua."

The man freaks out and says, "A Chihuahua? They gave me a Chihuahua?!"

Now go have some fun!:D:rolleyes::p!!!

summer7 · Oct 10, 2009, 12:33 PM

Hi,
Q: What is the loudest state?

A: ILLI-NOISE

OK this isn't a joke, but it's something really cool that kids will love! Check out this vid.

Click here: YouTube - How To Fold a T-shirt in 2 seconds

Now go have some fun!:D:rolleyes::p!!!

Just Dahlia · Oct 21, 2009, 11:08 AM

I'm sure I will get this wrong, but it's still clean.

If your eating a burger in the living room, your American
If your eating a pastry in the kitchen, your Danish
If your running from the kitchen to the bathroom, your Russian

What are you when your in the bathroom?
European!:D

sweetbaby · Oct 24, 2009, 02:30 AM

Don't steal. The goverment hates competition.

This one it's my favourite quote, I love it :D.

forum154x · Oct 24, 2009, 10:06 PM

Two muffins are in the oven. One muffin turns to the other muffin and asks, "Is it hot in here or is it just me?"
The second muffin turns slowly and says.. .
"Oh my lord. . .a talking muffin!"