What now

paxe · Oct 4, 2009, 09:17 AM

You are not applying NC by looking at her Facebook. Delete her completely. I know it's tough, but you will feel better after some time. Trust me it's going to be horrible. Actually it's good about the training, your body and brain is still in shock so it will take a bit of time. You're doing great man, the only thing left to get better is to delete her and block her on Facebook.

azif · Oct 5, 2009, 08:55 PM

I guess I've been deluding myself, I've deleted her, so I no more looking at her wall...

Keep hoping we'll be friends or something but that isn't letting go I guess. She doesn't want to be with me so I've just got to accept it because I don't get a choice

Its freaking hard

I don't really want to be anymore (I won't kill myself, don't think I could and wouldn't want to hurt those who do care). But I don't see meaning in life which is really on me I guess (im not creating a meaning for myself which I should), I thought I could be happy just working getting maried living the suburban dream but that was obviously the wrong way to give meaning.

Wallowing in self pity

paxe · Oct 5, 2009, 09:33 PM

I found my meaning into life a while ago, but basically it's been changing constantly. Traveling opens up your eyes, you should plan a trip in the near future if possible, you can save up some cash.

azif · Oct 5, 2009, 11:01 PM

Travelling is great, I used to travel with her though.

I think itd be good to do the everest base camp hike next year even by myself if I can't convince a friend. Sucks being in australia and being so far away from most places I want to go.

Cash isn't so much an issue, I'm time poor. But maybe I should just spend some hard earned cash on myself and fly away even for a week to south america

Really want to do the year off round the world trip, but not sure if I should buy a place or do that... be worried of getting my job back when I return

The only thing I suppose is that travelling to find yourself isn't :S
Its an internal thing I guess

paxe · Oct 6, 2009, 08:24 AM

Are you joking? Australia is a beautiful country! There is so many things to do and New Zeland isn't far away. Isn't there the biggest coral reef in the whole world? Don't worry take things slow and take care of yourself, the world is your possibility now.

azif · Oct 6, 2009, 05:13 PM

Hehe. Doesn't everyone do that though feels more like you're getting away when you leave the country

And thanks

paxe · Oct 6, 2009, 10:17 PM

No problem man, by the way is it true there's more chicks than guys in Sydney :D?

azif · Oct 6, 2009, 10:38 PM

I think that's probably true for most major cities isn't ny like that?
I haven't noticed any major imbalance

Our education system now favours women and more women than men are going to uni. So guess it will improve odds lol

But it isn't just about odds unfort

azif · Oct 7, 2009, 03:23 PM

Dreamed she wanted to get back together this morning

paxe · Oct 7, 2009, 06:43 PM

Quite normal. It has been a long time and you are still in shock. You are trying to get better but it takes time, as all healing does.

I understand your pain, I passed through it. Day by day you will get better if you take care of your body. You shouldn't suffer too much if you are really doing something to heal.

Oh and yea, NY has a lot of women, there is 5% difference between genders. You live in Sydney for god sake :D, you know how lucky you are? Back here in Canada we're freezing our a$$es off lol.

azif · Oct 8, 2009, 02:28 AM

I guess that makes it some kind of nightmare :( was so happy till I woke up

Not really doing much to heal, don't have any time, don't really have time to even exercise but am making the time

When my life frees up in a couple of weeks I'm going to start trying new things but until then

At least you can go skiing, snow here sucks...
Weather has been pretty crap lately but I definitely will learn to surf this summer when I get my act together

amicon · Oct 8, 2009, 04:47 AM

I think you re on the road to healing even though it may not feel that way yet.
Ive noticed you ve started to reply to other posts and share your knowledge with others which is a good thing to do.
Helping others is a way of helping ourselves.

azif · Oct 9, 2009, 11:27 PM

I think you re on the road to healing even though it may not feel that way yet.

Everyone is on the road to healing, I haven't really moved at all maybe slightly mentally, I want to develop socially.

Ive noticed you ve started to reply to other posts and share your knowledge with others which is a good thing to do.

I need to follow my own advice but its hard to be objective

26 days nows, everything still reminds me of her even though I've packed away anything directly connected to her,

I keep thinking how perfect she was and how I should have done things differently and will I ever find someone as compatible/loving/etc which is pointless

I need to study but I haven't done anywhere as much as I should have, and I just don't feel motivated
I can tell myself that its all down to me as much as I want but I still just end up dwelling on the past

amicon · Oct 9, 2009, 11:48 PM

Sometimes we visit our past but try not to get stuck there.
This is where it helps to keep busy as I'm sure others have advised you.
Try doing the things that made you happy before you met your ex.
Try to see that eventually you will meet someone new but right here and now its time to work on building yourself up again.

paxe · Oct 10, 2009, 12:24 AM

Don't put her on a pedestal, there is many girls out there that can better than your ex. Take things easy, one day at a time, knowing you'll get better as the days go by.

azif · Oct 12, 2009, 06:53 AM

It's sad that I never fully appreciated what I had till we spent time apart and when I was finally thinking that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her she decides she's had enough.

Hopefully at the least j will have learnt from it... If only I could rewind
I miss her so much and now there's nothing I can do

talaniman · Oct 12, 2009, 07:27 AM

There is a lot you can do my friend. You just have to be willing to do it as this experience, painful as it is, is about growing and learning. As you get better with time, you will understand this and make better choices for yourself, especially about future relationships.

That's the whole point, being ready for that one, and strong enough to take a risk, and deal with the outcomes.

Life is about dealing with reality (outcomes, results of actions, and decisions), and making the right adjustments for yourself.

It all comes together in time. And gets better.

paxe · Oct 12, 2009, 09:29 AM

You should appreciate your own time either with or without someone. This is one way to build a complete life. You actually have a lot of advantages of being single and without any attachment.

azif · Oct 13, 2009, 03:45 AM

Thanks guys

I meant there's nothing I can do to salvage the relationship :(

I want to call her or see her and apologise for the mistakes I made and thank her for what we had.

I keep thinking that if I didn't confront her about not wanting to spend her holidays with me maybe she would still be around and I could have built a more solid relationship

But then I think that is it worth it if she didn't have the guts to tell me how she was feeling and was just going to let go of the relationship

amicon · Oct 13, 2009, 04:35 AM

Seeing her and trying to talk about how you wish things could have been different is only going to hurt you.
We ve probably all regretted things we did or didn't do in our past relationships but its better to leave that unsaid.
Am I right in thinking you re four weeks into NC ?Try not to beat yourself up about what you could have done differently-you both did what you did and you ll get over this even if it takes a while longer.