[Riot]

We all have it right? But how do I over come it?

I talk to heaps of nice girls at my college everyday but I never summon the will to... ask them out or whatever... I do the flirting but that's as far as I go.
I don't know if its because I don't want to be rejected (I don't like looking silly or awkward in front of people, especially over this sort of stuff)
Or is it because I don't actually want to take it further?

[Clough]

Hi, Riot!

How many dates would you say that you've had in the past, please?

Thanks!

[Riot]

Well I've never actually been involved with women much over the past few years but its beginning to ramp up this year... well I had a GF early this year but that's only because she made the move to me. I had a bit of a more casual half relationship about a month or so ago but that was out of pure luck when I told the girl that I thought she lovely one day and forgot about it until a few days later she got my number off a friend and started to talk to me more...

I've got no problem generally talking to females, I just get the feeling that I could be missing out on oppertunities because they expect us males to make the moves, and since I'm not making such moves it may apear I'm not interested...

[Clough]

Hi again, Riot!

You know, you can't win unless you play the game!

I've been rejected many times by women. Do you know what you would say to a woman in order to ask her out?

Thanks!

[Riot]

No not really, I have general ideas but I don't want to say anything too stereotypical or unoriginal...

[Clough]

A guy doesn't have to be an artist with what they say in order to ask a woman out. Some commonalities as far as what to converse about are good, though.

Is there one particular woman that you would want to ask out who you know is available, please?

Thanks!

[Riot]

Actually there a couple milling around but I seem to chop and change who I want to progress with, depending on who I talk to the most in, say, a week... of course that's not very rational thinking but if I like more then one person I assume that it shows me I don't actaully want something with someone after all

[Clough]

Hey, when I was in college, I tried to date as many women as I could. It was almost a game to me to see how many I could take out. I was very serious with a few of them, though. One of them was the woman who I eventually married.

I see no problem with dating multiple women. There are lots of "fish" in the "sea" and it might take a lot of "casting" to find just the right one for you!

Would you like to work on some proactive strategies and ways to ask one of the women out that you would like to date, please?

Thanks!

[nit_024]

Yes

[Clough]

yes

Hi, nit_024!

"Yes" for what, please?

Thanks!

[I wish]

Just focus on getting to know the other person and enjoying your time together. Let things flow naturally. When you feel it's the right time, then you ask the person out.

Think about it this way, after a certain time, the girl is going to make up her mind about you and she knows whether she would like to go out on a date with you, so there answer is out the you just need to find it.

Secondly, before meeting this girl, you were at square one. By talking to her and getting to know her, you've gained some experience. If you get rejected, you didn't actually loose anything. Instead, you've gained a new experience.

If you see rejection as a loss, you're always going to be scared of rejection. You got to see it as, you have nothing to loose by trying, only all to gain.

[Riot]

But if I get rejected and jump back in and imediently try someone else, that wouldn't do wonders for my reputation among the women...

[Clough]

Hi again, Riot!

When I was in college and asking a lot of women out, and got rejected a number of times by different women, that didn't affect how the women thought about me. I really don't think that it would be the way you're afraid of happening with you either.

You're already having a good time flirting with various women, correct?

Thanks!

[Riot]

Yes that's true.
But the end of the day... well you know, I still feel alone

[Clough]

Do the women also have fun flirting with you, please?

Thanks!

[Riot]

Its more conversational flirting really
But yes, what I know they do enjoy talking to me (so I'm told)

[Clough]

So, I don't see what the problem would be in taking the next step and just asking one of them if they'd like to do something casual with you, like go out for a cup of coffee, some ice cream or something else? Doesn't have to be even approached as being a "date".

Thanks!

[Riot]

Hmm, true...
Its just handling the possible "no" part of it.
But you are right in getting on with it if it does happen
Thanks

[Clough]

What are you going to do today concerning this, Riot? Are you going to take the risk of being rejected? I've done that many times...

The important thing is not to be emotional but rational as you can be and just accept being told "No.", if that's the thing that happens. The more times you ask though, the more likely that you're going to get a "Yes!"

Would you like some ideas as to how to ask one of the women out, at least for a casual encounter? Also, are you in the same classes as any of the ones in whom you're interested, please?

Thanks!

[Clough]

Okay, Riot!

I'm going to need to get to bed really quickly because I'm starting to turn into a pumpkin! I can also see that you're not online here anymore.

Right now, what I would suggest that you do, is to resolve to keep doing the flirting and maybe carry it to the next level with one of the women. Use your intuition. If the woman is really interested in you, she will continue to take part in the flirting with you in return to the flirting that you do with her.

Next level would be to treat her as a friend and just say something like, "What are you doing after you get done with your classes?" "Would you like to get together and have a bite to eat somewhere?"

Or, something along those lines...

But, I'm sure that you catch the "drift" of what I mean here!

Thanks!