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Cat1864 · Oct 5, 2009, 12:51 PM

Originally Posted by Coffee Pot

even had a friend there whos only job was to keep me from sleeping with these 2 girls she knew I had liked.

While I think you shouldn't rush into another relationship, this one line speaks volumes in how she thinks about you. If that is her mind-set, you don't want to care what other thoughts she has. She doesn't care about your's unless they are for her.

She doesn't want a relationship with you. She wants someone to play games with. If you got back together with her, I would give it less than a week before she broke up with you again and started the cycle all over. Blaming you the entire time and getting her friend to make sure you didn't go anywhere until she was ready to take you back again.

The MySpace is just another way to play games with you.

Defriend her and her friends who are only part of the team. Delete your links to MySpace so that it makes it harder to check your MySpace page. For that matter get rid of that page and start a new one that has absolutely no memories of her attached to it.

Coffee Pot · Oct 6, 2009, 05:43 AM

Well this past weekend was the first time she put up a pic of what looked like she was kissing another guy. It hurt... a lot. Still did yesterday, still kind of feel it today.

But yesterday I finally dropped her on myspace along with 3 of her friends and I'm not looking back. I had still known everything she did, every weekend, and basically every week. I knew where she was and what she was doing. It made me feel better to see her just having fun with her friends but not being with a guy. I guess in due time this would happen, and it hurt. So now I am free.

I feel a little weird today but in a few weeks I'm sure this will get easier as we were in a long distance relationship and the chances of me running into her are basically impossible. It's been a long 3 months but I feel as though I have made a lot of progress but this was my crutch. Thank you all for helping me do this, as now I believe I will finally make that final step to move on.

I wish · Oct 6, 2009, 05:59 AM

Good job Coffee Pot!

I know that it wasn't easy to defriend her and 3 other people, but it had to be done for yourself. Just to warn you, the pain can get a little worse before it starts getting better. When it starts getting worse, that's when you might get tempted to re-add her. So that's when you have to put some restraint. Come on the boards and talk to us if you have to. But don't give in to the urges.

Just focus on doing your own thing. Stay busy. See your friends, meet new friends. Do a hobby, play a sport, etc.

Just remember, these things take time. I know you've broken up for a few months now, but your healing process only really starts now because you finally decided to let her go. So just be patient with yourself. With time, things will get better and you will be back to your old self!

Justwantfair · Oct 6, 2009, 06:41 AM

Congrats, this was a good first - final step to recovering.

Cat1864 · Oct 6, 2009, 06:57 AM

I am glad you took that step. I think you will feel better once you get out of the habit of checking her MySpace page. :)

It was like picking at a hurt. It couldn't even begin to heal until you stopped opening it up again.

Coffee Pot · Oct 6, 2009, 10:10 AM

Well I guess I learned my lesson the hard way because I still can't seem to get these pictures out of my head. At least this happened now rather than 2-3 months from now while still following her life. I should have never refriended her to begin with. I thought it was the strong thing to do to show I didn't care. I have thought about how my actions will affect her for too long in this whole process. It's about time I think about me.

The roller coaster had been riding high for a while, this has been one of the lowest points since the panic of the break up has worn off. Hopefully this bump smooths out quicker than the others.

kctiger · Oct 6, 2009, 10:12 AM

Coffee I have made more mistakes than I care to remember when it comes to my ex. Shake it off. It does suck to look at but it happened. Weather the storm and I promise it will get better.

Just learn from your mistakes, and do it much faster than I did.

Coffee Pot · Oct 6, 2009, 12:18 PM

Really feeling the need to call her today. Need advice to step off the ledge. I don't even know what I would say, just feel really hurt and need to get it all off my chest. She was thinking about me and texting me on my birthday and I ignored her messages, so this weekend is the first weekend she posts a blurry pic of her and some one else kissing. I completely believe it was to get back at me because for the most part she has shown some compassion about making me feel bad. Just really hurting today and want to thrash out.

kctiger · Oct 6, 2009, 12:20 PM

Do you work out or exercise at all? You can also feel free to vent on here. Let it out man! No shame.

Coffee Pot · Oct 6, 2009, 12:32 PM

Yeah I exercise 3 days a week, today is an off day. Off days are always harder. I should probably start looking into working out all 5 days.

It's just that we have been apart 3 months. When we ended she gave me all the crap of being confused and not sure where we are going. It took me a while to realize she was just not into me anymore and she was taking the easy way out. A month into the breakup I thought she was dating someone already and it really hurt. I had a close friend of both of us (much more my friend) snoop around and found out that this guy she looked like she was dating was actually a new gay friend of hers. She told him she hadn't hooked up with anyone since me and that's not why she broke up with me.

So fast forward to a month later (late September) and I have been following her pretty religiously on myspace and I know most/all of her friends. It's still been two months and she hasn't had one hookup. So there she is hanging all over her ex boyfriend who seems taken back by the whole thing. He had told her 2 years ago (1 year and 1/2 into our relationship) that he still loved her. She had strung him along for 3 years until she met me. So now she is hanging all over him and he looks a little distraught and the last picture is her completely wasted passed out in his bed with a trash can. So now I realize she is getting depserate and throwing herself at her ex.

So fast forward to a week ago. We have a small college get together and it also happens to fall on my birthday. She is supposed to go but ends up having to work the next day and can't. All of our old college friends are there including a girl that has always liked me and the ex basically hated (even though they were friends. Also, the exes best friend. The exes best friend is texting the ex the entire night about what is going on who I am with, who I am talking to and basically it's her job to keep me from sleeping with this girl. The ex sends a text saying 'she really wishes she could have been there, and sorry she couldn't make it.' I ignore and low and behold two days later I hear the ex is extremely pissed at this other girl (the man stealer). So now it's a week after and the ex decides to go out with her friends and she is all over another kid that she had slept with before me. There's one pic of them which looks like they are kissing and a whole bunch of comments from her and her friends about handjobs/sex/you name it.

So fast forward to today. I have finally decided to drop her from myspace. But as I said before, my ex is still doing things to get at me. It just hurts that she would post all this stuff knowing I will read it. Just because she was hurt that I didn't return her call, even though I never even kissed this other girl.

So that's my vent. Phew. Rip me apart askmehelpdesk. It helps.

Coffee Pot · Oct 6, 2009, 12:36 PM

That actually made me feel a whole lot better and now that I have gone back and read what I just wrote, I kind of feel pathetic. I am taking everything she says and does as a sign to me. Maybe some of it is, maybe all of it is, maybe none of it is. But this one hurt and I need to just get off myspace and live my life.

kctiger · Oct 6, 2009, 12:39 PM

You are giving way too much credit to her and aren't taking enough responsibility for yourself. These social networking sites are absolute drama that YOU have control over. I am glad you feel better by venting, but quit giving her control over your emotions. Man up CP, and let's get our head back into the game!

Coffee Pot · Oct 6, 2009, 12:46 PM

Dropped her, dropped her friends, dropped her family. There is literally no one that she 'regularly' talks to that I am friends with.

I have known what she was doing ever single freaking weekend. The weekends that she was doing nothing were good weekends. The weekends where she was going out were bad weekends. Time to make every weekend a good weekend.

Now to just get this past weekend out of my mind.

Coffee Pot · Oct 7, 2009, 07:02 AM

Sorry if this is babbling but I feel like I have exhausted my friends ears for the past 3 months and you guys aren't sick of me yet...

Well today is better than yesterday and is better than the day before, but I feel like I am back to square one all over again. I was using MySpace as a way to communicate with her, even though we weren't talking. Now that it is gone it really feels like we have broken up all over again. No idea why but the pain is back and to ease the pain I would use her profile to feel like she is still there.

Well her profile is gone now and I am just starting to realize how bad MySpace was to my healing process. This whole time I felt like I was healing but I hadn't fully given her up. It's like I had a picture of her in my pocket that I could open up and look at every time I was down.

These past couple of days have been rough but from here on out hopefully every day is easier and there aren't as many major setbacks in the future. It sure isn't easy just giving up on a person you really really loved.

kctiger · Oct 7, 2009, 07:05 AM

Don't consider it giving up, that has a negative connotation. I never considered myself "giving up" after my ex broke up with me. It is just something in life that happens. More than giving up, it is accepting things have changed.

I remember when I changed my phone number so my ex had zero chance of contacting me. It hit me like a ton of bricks, as I knew it was the real deal now, like no turning back.

Coffee Pot · Oct 7, 2009, 07:10 AM

Originally Posted by kctiger

I remember when I changed my phone number so my ex had zero chance of contacting me. It hit me like a ton of bricks, as I knew it was the real deal now, like no turning back.

This is exactly how I feel. She has contacted me 3 times since the breakup and other than a happy birthday text they were all over MySpace. She has her MySpace blocked from the world so even if I wanted to find her and 'refriend' I can't (which is a good thing). But this just feels like exactly how you described it, the real deal. Thankfully I am going on vacation tomorrow. Hopefully when I come back I will feel a hell of a lot better.

Coffee Pot · Oct 12, 2009, 04:04 PM

So after getting back from vacation there is of course a small amount of drama and I don't want to deal with it. I need the advice of the professionals here.

Basically our mutual friend (her best friend) contacted me and wondered why I had defriended her. I told her jokingly not to worry about it just a phase. She started questioning me on all these things. Do I still love her? Do I hate her? Am I really hurting. So basically I told her not too worry about it I am fine.

So the ex sends me a message a couple of hours later. Asking why I defriended her again. And then goes on to say she wanted to know about my trip and how my family is doing.

So I see two solutions here.
1. Ignore. Probably get pestered again, probably by the friend and then the ex again and then tell her to stop contacting me.
2. Explain to her how I am feeling and that I basically need to remove her from everything that I am in contact with and to not contact me again until I contact her (basically months from now).

If I go 1 I think I will just receive more messages. If I go 2 I don't really know how to explain other than telling her I still care about her (does that even matter if she knows).

The only other solution is just telling her to not contact me but that would just lead to confusion because she has only contacted me once in the past month or 2.

What should I do?

Cat1864 · Oct 12, 2009, 04:22 PM

Here's a third option. Explain that you are moving on with your life and see no reason to keep them as friends on MySpace since you are no longer in contact with the ex. That from this point on you will not be responding to any communications from or for the ex. Simple statement of facts, no weaknesses involved.

Coffee Pot · Oct 12, 2009, 04:57 PM

Originally Posted by Cat1864

Here's a third option. Explain that you are moving on with your life and see no reason to keep them as friends on MySpace since you are no longer in contact with the ex. That from this point on you will not be responding to any communications from or for the ex. Simple statement of facts, no weaknesses involved.

Done. Went with what you said instead of my sappy love story that would have gotten me no where (while boasting her ego). Thanks Cat.

Cat1864 · Oct 12, 2009, 05:14 PM

Just a different view point. :)