[asking]

I am still enjoying the "Service Recall." :) I smile every time I think of it.

Not sure what you mean by your older brother being like your father. I can guess, but I might be way off...

[paxe]

You're doing great until know! It's really nice you're getting around. I do hope you're getting more sleep, food and especially drinks (not alcohol).

[confusedrebecca]

I am still enjoying the "Service Recall." :) I smile every time I think of it.

Not sure what you mean by your older brother being like your father. I can guess, but I might be way off...

Please enjoy the service recall then :)

My older brother is only 1 year older than me, but always acts like he is much older than his age & has enough life experience just like my father has.
He would say "you are too young, and are not aware of this, but..." funny? He has been that way since we were very young...

[amicon]

Lol My older bro s like that but I tend to ignore him.. .

[asking]

he would say "you are too young, and are not aware of this, but..." funny? he has been that way since we were very young...

Ha! At what point is he going to realize how silly that sounds?
Funny but annoying.

He probably started imitating your father and now he's so used to the role doesn't realize... Maybe you can gently talk to him about it (sometime when there's nothing at stake). Or maybe tease him about how "old" he is.

[confusedrebecca]

Tuesday 8 AM
I came back to work early to catch up work after a week of unexpeted sick leave.
As I assumed, my work email and desk phone were filled with my ex's messages.
A flower arrangement was waiting for me at my desk, and his card says
"I hope you feel better. I am not doing well. Miss you...Can we talk? Love,"
How did he know I was sick? Was it wild guess?

[Cat1864]

Tuesday 8 AM
I came back to work early to catch up work after a week of unexpeted sick leave.
As I assumed, my work email and desk phone were filled with my ex's messages.
A flower arrangement was waiting for me at my desk, and his card says
"I hope you feel better. I am not doing well. Miss you...Can we talk? Love,"
How did he know I was sick? Was it wild guess?

If he called your work, they probably told him you were out sick. He, of course, took advantage of the situation to 'look' caring.

You need to let your work know that he is no longer part of your life.

Good luck catching up. :)

[asking]

Hi Rebecca,

I doubt it was a guess. He got someone to tell him...

Do you have an attorney who could give him a call and make your message more clear?

If you don't have an attorney, find one today. I think an attorney should tell him very clearly to stop harassing you and stop stalking you. If that doesn't work, it's time for a restraining order.

Continue to be careful, especially leaving and entering your office and home, places where he could wait for you and try to create some drama. Those are places he knows you'll show up eventually. Make sure friends and family know what is happening and keep your cell phone charged and with you.

Do no talk to him.

He is operating from pure selfishness. You are valuable and he wants you back. But he doesn't remotely deserve you.

[confusedrebecca]

He is operating from pure selfishness. You are valuable and he wants you back. But he doesn't remotely deserve you.

I will keep it in my mind...

[confusedrebecca]

If he called your work, they probably told him you were out sick. He, of course, took advantage of the situation to 'look' caring.

I agree. If he really cared about me, why did he hurt me with disrespect?
He was acting... thanks again.

[mcnillis]

I really don't believe that any man should treat a woman like that. He sounds like an insensitive who is insecure.Its really sad and unfair that people are like this, but how can he possibly be faithful in the future if he isn't now. He will keep on doing this to you. Don't put yourself through this. He is a cheat!!
He has told you he has cheated!!
He told you that he won't be faithfull to you.
So as much as it may hurt, you should leave him with respect for yourself ;which you will loose, as I know from experience.

[BlackVY]

Don't cry over a guy who treats you like this.

He just wants the best of both worlds. This way, he can see if there is someone better than you out there and if not, you are his backup plan

In the meantime, you are sitting on the sidelines, getting played!

That's insane. I agree with everyone else on here. Be happy he is gone. You may have loved him, but he clearly does not love you enough to be with you. He just wants some fun, so be happy with what's happens. Don't cry for this boy anymore. He will realize his mistake one day, but by then, it would have been too late. Move on.

Good luck. You deserve better

[confusedrebecca]

Don't cry over a guy who treats you like this.

He just wants the best of both worlds. This way, he can see if there is someone better than you out there and if not, you are his backup plan

In the meantime, you are sitting on the sidelines, getting played!

Thats insane. I agree with everyone else on here. Be happy he is gone. You may have loved him, but he clearly does not love you enough to be with you. He just wants some fun, so be happy with whats happens. Don't cry for this boy anymore. He will realize his mistake one day, but by then, it would have been too late. Move on.

Good luck. You deserve better

Thank you backvy.
You are right. It hurts so much, but I cannot be with him anymore.

If you noticed, he is keep promising he will not cheat again for any forms ever. He told me that he was embarrassed when he was caught, tried to cover up he was talking, and acted out as bold, he would keep talking & dating other girls, but he did not mean it. He said it was more stupid behavior than online chatting.

However, it is too late. The sweet & passionate love I had for him was totally shattered, and it cannot be repaired anymore. I loved him the most as a man in my life. I did not have any doubt we would happily marry, and have beautiful kids together, and getting old together. We both have loving family, our family loved us as a most blissful couple, and we were considered the hot couple among our friends. Now all is gone.

I am still crying every night, not for missing him anymore, but for the scary emptiness, which the amazing love was gone for nothing so rapidly...
Can I ever fall in love again and love the one just like I did for him? I just hope I can do it again for the good person at this time.

Someone on this board has user name ash. Did she go though this emptiness?

[confusedrebecca]

I really dont believe that any man should treat a woman like that. He sounds like an insensitive who is insecure.Its really sad and unfair that people are like this, but how can he possibly be faithful in the future if he isnt now. He will keep on doing this to you. Dont put yourself through this. He is a cheat!!!!!!
He has told you he has cheated!!!
He told you that he wont be faithfull to you.
So as much as it may hurt, you should leave him with respect for yourself ;which you will loose, as i know from experience.

mcnillis,
You are right. No man should women like this. I did not deserve this. I gave him honor, love and caring, and he returned it with decption, lie and disrespect.

I already feel I move on a lot, see the distance between him and me. I am miles away from him now. I am still crying because I am so sorry what happened...

[Cat1864]

I am still crying every night, not for missing him anymore, but for the scary emptiness, which the amazing love was gone for nothing so rapidly...
Can I ever fall in love again and love the one just like I did for him? I just hope I can do it again for the good person at this time.

I don't know if it helps, but I think it is human to go through that emptiness at some point in time. I've been there and that emptiness is painful in ways that a physical injury can never be. It does lessen as you heal and add new feelings and memories. The important part is that you choose positive thoughts and happy memories. Filling the void with anger and hurt just keeps it aching and damaging to your own heart and mind.

Remember that this is still new. Remember that you just now started getting your life back on track by returning to work. As we will keep saying, give yourself time. How much time depends on the individual.

Let yourself heal and you will someday find a new love. It won't be the same. No two relationships are ever the same. However, it has a good chance of being better, stronger and even more fulfilling.

On another note, did you tell the people at work that you are no longer accepting calls, etc. from Mr. Ex?

[confusedrebecca]

Yesterday
Many co workers stopped by my office to say hello since they heard I was sick.
I look pale, lost 6LB, and it was just appropriate for the sick leave.
It is nice I have demanding job & nice people around at work.

My ex called a couple of times yesterday at my desk, I did not recognized the number on the caller id, accidentally answered and said hello, but just hung up after I found out it was him. He left voicemails and said he like to 'formally apologize' what he has done to me, and promised he would make it up for life time. I have no idea what he meant by "formal apology". My ex sent a flower arrangement & sandwiches by delivery man just before noon. I gave the sandwich to an intern in my office, who is college kid and always have huge appetite. He is wating his money for nothing.

Today
I came in office at 8 am. I removed the photo frame of me and my ex from my desk. It was heart wrenching to watch the smiling couple in the picture, which I can not associate myself anymore with. It was good time, and I had no doubt we would have happy marriage together. How insane...

I stopped wearing my ring since the breakup. My finger looks pale & lonely... Someday, 'a decent man who deserves me enough' will give me his pure heart & a pretty ring to me in future. Until then, I am moving forward step by step. Sigh...

[Cat1864]

One step at a time. :)

Make sure that the people at work know he is history. If there is a receptionist, make sure he/she knows not to put Mr. Ex through. You might even want him/her to redistribute the 'offerings' or, like with the sandwiches, do it yourself. Did it help you feel good to give the sandwiches to the college kid?

[asking]

I agree that almost everyone experiences that emptiness at some point. The first love is special in many ways, but you can definitely fall in love again! The point is to love the right person, someone who will treat you with honor and respect and also cherish you and the relationship. Your ex sounds immature and it's not clear if he will ever grow up.

(I am hoping you taught him a lesson at least, but I don't know if the lesson he learns will be to be a more loyal mate or to be more secretive.)

Being hounded with gifts is bittersweet, since you do not want them and they are a constant reminder of him. But there will come a time when they stop and you may feel a renewed grief.

When a relationship ends, we may or may not miss the person, but we often experience a sense of failure. Plus we have so habits, like talking every day or similar. Bottom line, it is normal to feel awful. :( But be patient with yourself and try to do things that cheer you up and stick close to people who care about you. Life is sweet and you'll rediscover that soon.

Take care.

[confusedrebecca]

asking,
Everything you said is right. You said exactly what I feel now... I will stick with your word, "Life is sweet and you'll rediscover that soon." thanks,

-rebecca from grief -

[BlackVY]

You will be OK rebecca... and there is a better guy out there who deserves the love you have to give, someone who is faithful and who wants to be with you only. Its just a matter of time..