[A4Effort]

Well like expected I feel like s**t. I knew this would happen if I got this close to her. Nobody needs to tell what I need to do know because I know very well. Start NC all over again and move on with my life. It will take me a very long time to accept the fact that we might never date each other.

[paxe]

Maybe after all I did win the bet. I did stupid stuff during my break up, it's only human nature. One of the best way to go with NC is that if you stick to it, the pain you're feeling now will go away and you won't suffer anymore. There is that website: www.helium.com/items/1252890-why-breaking-up-can-be-the-best-thing-for-you you can check it out. It explains how a break up could be the best thing in your life.

My break up brought me so much afterward I'm so happy right now, it's incredible. In a couple of month you will probably think like that.

[A4Effort]

I sure hope so. Like I said before it would have been easier if we were not happy in our relationship or if we got tired of each other. Everything was perfect before we broke up. We didn't fight, we loved each other, we communicated well, etc...

This is one hard lesson to learn.

[paxe]

We were supposed to get married and was happy in the relationship, then she broke it off by cheating on me. It's life and we learn from it. You will probably find out that it's a good thing for both of you, you don't seem having any trouble finding a girl.

[A4Effort]

Yeah, I do not have trouble finding a girl but it is harder to find the right girl.

I heard a great analogy today. She asked me to imagine two river banks and in between the banks was sharp glass instead of water. She told me how in order to get over a relationship you have to slowly travel through the sharp glass in order to get to the otherside of the bank were you will heal. One will have to experience pain in order to feel better.


I guess Im on my way through the glass at this point and the other side is still far away.

[paxe]

Actually, you feel better day by day by applying NC. The analogy is quite wrong, because it tells you that the healing process is actually pain itself when it can be something liberating.

[A4Effort]

Well I think you and I are a bit different in the sense that your ex cheated on you and my ex did not do anything wrong. I understand her feelings. I know why she is doing it. I am not saying what Im going through is/was worse then what you went through but Im just trying to say that is different.

[paxe]

Well I didn't know until 2 month later, and I've done quite some mistakes during that time like hoping for her to come back. But when I started NC 1 week after the break up for 3 week, I felt everyday was getting better, inch by inch, so it was kind of liberating.

[Yosomoton213]

Yep. The real trick of it is to not secretly wish for her to come back... when you can get over that, you'll be ready. It seems like you've got a good head on your shoulders. Focus on other things for awhile. A new girl will come around eventually. It just happens.

[A4Effort]

All right, lets sum up this day.

The good: I got three more girl's numbers and I am going out dancing this Thursday. On Saturday Im making apple pie with this grad student I met and on Sunday Im going out to dinner with some girls I met today.

The bad: Someone made me realize something I did wrong in the relationship I had with my ex. So I decided to call and apologize to her. I did call to get her back but just to let her know. Why? I have no freaking idea. But basically talking to her I learned that she has already moved on from me and that she is not "in love" with me anymore. Why the hell was it so easy for her to move on? Why is it so damn hard for me to move on? (wait don't answer that) I can't I just follow the damn rules of No Contact and heal. Why is it that I have to make all these stupid mistakes. I got really mad at myself for doing this. Why is it that I keep hurting myself in this way? I am a rational person. I know what I need to do. But yet, here I am making every textbook mistake.


I tell myself everyday. There is no hope. I should not think of us getting back together. I need to be OK with being single. Im in college and have the same opportunities as her. I have great qualities that many girls would enjoy. Its not the end of the world and many people have gone through this. I tell myself this and more. I am getting numbers left and right. I am making new friends on a daily basis. I can plan out any night of the week with something. I am social outgoing and handsome. I have no trouble find others. But yet here I am a dumb mess. I should just become like the rest of the "bro's" here. Not care about anything else but get laid. I am so mad at myself.

But nothing happens of it. I share my emotions on here. I have a great support system. I talk to others who give me advice. I even went to a counselor. But still!! My dumbass won't listen. I have never behaved this way. I have always solved my problems rationally. Never have I been this stirred up and dishonest with myself.

Can this get any worse.

[paxe]

Yep,
First of all who are you trying to prove with those girl's number? Why are you so stressed out about meeting new girls and not passing time with your old friends? Next thing you know you'll be dating one of them that is a "superb" girl in order to get over your ex and ending hurting her. I've been on month 4 being single, and I'm planning to stay like that for a long time to come.

Secondly, if you can't keep from contacting her, that shows her you are weak and she probably likes that. You're rational, it's over, don't talk to her. If you love her give her the space she needs and that's the end of it.
It's kind of easy not to contact her, delete her phone, delete everything from her, Facebook, msn etc... pictures, erase her and next time you want to call... take a deep breath, call someone else or just do push ups.

I mean come on, take care of yourself and go enjoy time with friends.

[A4Effort]

I am trying to meet new people since my old friends are heavily connected with my ex. Every time I say to myself it can't get any worse it does. I just felt like when someone close to me told me that I drove my girlfriend away and that she did the same to me.

[A4Effort]

Alright, lets sum up this day.

The good: I got three more girl's numbers and I am going out dancing this Thursday. On Saturday Im making apple pie with this grad student I met and on Sunday Im going out to dinner with some girls I met today.

The bad: Someone made me realize something I did wrong in the realtionship I had with my ex. So I decided to call and apologize to her. I did call to get her back but just to let her know. Why? I have no freaking idea. But basically talking to her I learned that she has already moved on from me and that she is not "in love" with me anymore. Why the hell was it so easy for her to move on? Why is it so damn hard for me to move on? (wait don't answer that) I can't I just follow the damn rules of No Contact and heal. Why is it that I have to make all these stupid mistakes. I got really mad at myself for doing this. Why is it that I keep hurting myself in this way? I am a rational person. I know what I need to do. But yet, here I am making every textbook mistake.


I tell myself everyday. There is no hope. I should not think of us getting back together. I need to be ok with being single. Im in college and have the same opportunities as her. I have great qualities that many girls would enjoy. Its not the end of the world and many people have gone through this. I tell myself this and more. I am getting numbers left and right. I am making new friends on a daily basis. I can plan out any night of the week with something. I am social outgoing and handsome. I have no trouble find others. But yet here I am a dumb mess. I should just become like the rest of the "bro's" here. Not care about anything else but get laid. I am so mad at myself.

But nothing happens of it. I share my emotions on here. I have a great support system. I talk to others who give me advice. I even went to a counselor. But still!!!!!!! My dumbass won't listen. I have never behaved this way. I have always solved my problems rationally. Never have I been this stirred up and dishonest with myself.

Can this get any worse.

Talk about having a weak moment. I need to move on. Why is is so hard for me?

[kctiger]

Talk about having a weak moment. I need to move on. Why is is so hard for me?

I think you have this idea of yourself as a person who shouldn't be having this much difficulty dealing with this. This is hard to get through, I don't care how strong you think you are. You need to be more patient with yourself. This is going to take time, and probably a lot of it.

[A4Effort]

I just don't understand why its not getting through my thick head. I keep getting hurt but I still continue doing things that hurt me.

I really don't feel well today because of what happened yesterday.

[paxe]

Be patient, it is something that takes time, everyday you have to take care of yourself. But with time and with proper NC, the pain will go away. If you take the cause of the pain away (your ex), then you won't suffer as much.

[A4Effort]

Well, here I was minding my own business. I was in class with my ex. I have not been sitting with her since we broke up and today a guy there started flirting with her. He talked to her throughout the class and made her laugh. She giggled and talked back. I knew what he was after and here I was 4 feet away unable to do anything. I lost all concentration. I tried to hard to focus on the class but all I could think about is how I would want to smash his head into concrete. I started writing down my feelings onto paper. At the end of the class he went to ask her out but I intervened by talking to my ex about an exam we took a few days ago. I wanted to go up to him after class and tell him to stay away from her. But I couldn't. I couldn't do anything. I was there just to watch. The rest of the day spiraled out of control to me. I became instantly depressed.

I don't know what is happening to me. I am spiraling out of control. I can't control my feelings anymore and I am going into depression. I am a walking zombie filled with unhappy thoughts. There is nothing I can do. She is gone and soon she will find a new man. Here I am observing all this. I don't know what to do with myself. Someone please tell it will get better because right now I have no hope.

[Yosomoton213]

Dude, do what I did with my ex. Sit in the front row, and pay attention. You cannot let this affect your school life... at all. If so, you will self-destruct in this downward spiral, and you will hate your life.

Let the other guys get at her. It's going to happen. And you are going to get attention from other girls. Make a conscious effort to stay out of her business.

OK, so in class, sit in the front row so you don't have to look at her, and just pay attention to whatever the profs are doing. Make new friends in the class and talk to them if you get bored. But you cannot let this affect your school life.

If you do, you will regret it 5 years from now. Will you be missing your ex 5 years from now? I think not. Keep things in perspective and keep moving forward with your life. There's a quote I really like.

"If you're going through hell, keep going".

[Yosomoton213]

And if you necessarily must, drop the class. But you cannot let this affect your life anymore. You're in survival mode, and you got to recover and get power over your life back. Use it to springboard to success. Enjoy new friends and new experiences, and try not to wallow or sulk.

Your girl has moved on. The less amount of contact you have with her, the better. This is about you now. You have to do it on your own, but of course, we are all here to help.

Wishing to see you succeed,
Yoso.

[A4Effort]

I need to pull myself up from this mess that I am in otherwise it will only get worse. I do not want to go down a bad path.