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Coffee Pot · Oct 5, 2009, 05:55 AM

I had dated a girl for 3 years and was very much in love with her. We broke up 2-3 months ago and I struggled with the breakup for a long time (dumpee). She gave me zero closure, "I'm confused," "I still see you in my future," "Whatever happens I still love you." Well the first month or two I went through the stages of trying to get her back. It only hurt the healing process. Now 3 months later I feel a lot better, only contacted her once (a month ago). She contacted me on my birthday 2 weeks ago and even had a friend there who's only job was to keep me from sleeping with these 2 girls she knew I had liked.

The only thing left that makes me think about her is MySpace. We are still friends on there (I defriended initially but after a week thought it was childish). Now that is the only way I know what she is doing. I have a hard time not looking at her profile every couple of days, and she is a picture whore. She doesn't have a new boyfriend, but she puts up pictures every weekend and acts very 'sexual' with her guy and girlfriends on her wall and picture comments. I know it's her one way of 'talking' to me and it's driving me crazy. Is it too late to defriend from MySpace. Is this showing her I still care, I am only worried about myself and this has been a major crutch, but after 3 months I haven't showed her any contact or sympathy and feel this could be a step back.

Justwantfair · Oct 5, 2009, 06:02 AM

It is not too late to defriend/block her on MySpace.

You are continuing to hurt your healing process and cyber stalking only brings you heartbreak.

Discontinue the connection immediately.

ZoeMarie · Oct 5, 2009, 06:04 AM

Defriend her on myspace. Block her if you have to. It wasn't childish of you to delete her, it was necessary. Sometimes we don't get closure, and that makes it hard but what makes it easier is hanging out with friends, doing the things you like to do, taking up new hobbies and not looking at her myspace pictures. Hang in there. It will get better.

I wish · Oct 5, 2009, 06:04 AM

Defriending her isn't childish. It's called, "helping you heal". You've suffered a heartbreak. So you need to take the necessary steps to heal. If she really cared about you before, she would understand.

Every time you view her page or communicate with her, you're going to reset the progress you've made because you're going to continue to hold false hope. You need to block her out of your life until you've completely recovered from the break up.

Otherwise, you're just going to prolong the pain and suffering.

Finally, you don't need closure from her. Closure comes from within. You decide when to close the book on her.

redhed35 · Oct 5, 2009, 06:06 AM

It should not bother you what she thinks,in this instance you have to look out for number one!

Block her,and make yourself a nice cup of coffee and thank your lucky stars she's out of your life!

Coffee Pot · Oct 5, 2009, 06:11 AM

She just posted pictures yesterday of a 'new' boy (possibly the first since we broke up) and she also posted a lot of comments with her girlfriends discussing their 'fun' weekend. Does this change anything, should I wait a week or so to defriend so she doesn't think these pictures hurt me?

Also, she has 3 friends she always hangs out with, all of which I am friends with on Myspace. Only one of them would I consider a friend of mine also (although she is her best friend). I feel as though if I defriend her I need to defriend all of them, there pictures still show up and I will still look at their pages. I feel like I already know the answer to this but should I defriend all of them?

I wish · Oct 5, 2009, 06:15 AM

How important is Myspace to you? Why don't you stop logging onto your account until you've recovered from the break up. Then you don't have to defriend anybody and you can heal. Win-Win!

If you can't discipline yourself from stopping yourself from logging on, then you're just going to have to delete her and her friends so that you don't accidentally see her pictures and reset your progress. Unless you want to keep suffering, which I don't recommend.

ZoeMarie · Oct 5, 2009, 06:16 AM

No, don't wait. Just do it now. If she does change, it's not going to be over night. There's no sense in waiting around anyway. Who's to say how long you'll end up waiting and what chances you'll miss out on if you do?

Coffee Pot · Oct 5, 2009, 06:22 AM

Originally Posted by I wish

How important is Myspace to you? Why don't you stop logging onto your account until you've recovered from the break up. Then you don't have to defriend anybody and you can heal. Win-Win!

It's not important to me, but it's a crutch I can't shake. I can go a couple of days without checking but I know it's still there and every once in a while I have to check it. I feel as though the power in the relationship took a turn a week or so ago. I have seen a lot of signs recently that she is still really hurting from the break up. I haven't given her any attention and although I feel like this could help me, I feel like showing her it's hurting me helps her. I should care more about myself but deep down it's been easier knowing she is hurting too. Just don't know if defriending now, after these pictures just went up, will show her that I am still weak and hurting.

Romefalls19 · Oct 5, 2009, 06:52 AM

Delete her as a friend, it's not weak to show weakness. You are going to hurt, no one will think less of you, but defriending her will show all of us, and especially you that you are strong enough to say "ENOUGH" and grab your set and take life into your own hands

kctiger · Oct 5, 2009, 06:55 AM

This isn't a game man. You do what you need to do to move on regardless of what others may think, especially your ex. It is just pure logic that you shouldn't be looking, nor should you want to look at what your ex is doing. You cannot keep sanity by doing so.

I defriended my ex from FB a long time ago and to be honest I don't see a point of re-friending her. It has nothing to do with being childish. If you can give me ONE logical, and I mean LOGICAL reason to keep her (meaning your ex) as a friend, I am all ears.

Justwantfair · Oct 5, 2009, 07:00 AM

I think deleting her shows your strength. That you are strong enough to take charge of the situation and move on with your own life absent of her presence.

I would even consider defriending all those connected to her.

Personal experience, I have an ex from four years ago that I found myself cyber stalking following his wedding. There are not any feelings of reconciliation there, just pure curiosity. It doesn't get better and everyone is susceptible to these feelings, no matter what the situation is. It will not help you in the long run.

It takes more to delete her than it does to continue to check up on her. Deleting her now, will let her know that you do not have an interest in her life and by deleting her friends all at the same time, then it just shows some emotional housekeeping.

Coffee Pot · Oct 5, 2009, 07:10 AM

Originally Posted by kctiger

I defriended my ex from FB a long time ago and to be honest I don't see a point of re-friending her. It has nothing to do with being childish. If you can give me ONE logical, and I mean LOGICAL reason to keep her (meaning your ex) as a friend, I am all ears.

I've got nothing. Other than the fact that I still am worried about how it affects our future. I am not over her yet. Defriended.

Coffee Pot · Oct 5, 2009, 08:10 AM

So any advice on what to say to her friend when she asks why I defriended her?

kctiger · Oct 5, 2009, 08:11 AM

Originally Posted by Coffee Pot

So any advice on what to say to her friend when she asks why I defriended her?

Tell her to mind her own business, or something along those lines. You owe no explanation to anyone, period.

Romefalls19 · Oct 5, 2009, 08:11 AM

Well you have two options

1. Don't respond, you really don't owe her an explanation

2. "This is my way of healing, if this bothers you I am sorry but I must do this for myself"

Coffee Pot · Oct 5, 2009, 08:26 AM

Originally Posted by kctiger

Tell her to mind her own business, or something along those lines. You owe no explanation to anyone, period.

This was in response to her friend asking me why she (the friend) was defriended. She will probably be looking for an answer to give the ex but she will come to me asking why me and her (the friend) aren't 'friends' anymore.

Will follow the just need time to heal line and tell her friends on a website do not mean friends in real life.

Justwantfair · Oct 5, 2009, 10:27 AM

Originally Posted by Coffee Pot

Other than the fact that I still am worried about how it affects our future.

You do not have a future with her, that is what makes her your ex and the fact that you have this thought in your mind means that this has to be done. You may not be contacting, but you are not healing and you aren't refocused on who is important for you.

Justwantfair · Oct 5, 2009, 10:29 AM

Originally Posted by Coffee Pot

This was in response to her friend asking me why she (the friend) was defriended. She will probably be looking for an answer to give the ex but she will come to me asking why me and her (the friend) aren't 'friends' anymore.

Will follow the just need time to heal line and tell her friends on a website do not mean friends in real life.

Unless they get a notification (which I doubt) you are giving them a lot of credit that they will notice.

I don't keep tabs on my social networking 'friends', if they were to defriend me, I doubt I would even be aware.

Imabadman · Oct 5, 2009, 11:36 AM

Originally Posted by redhed35

it should not bother you what she thinks,in this instance you have to look out for number one!

block her,and make yourself a nice cup of coffee and thank your lucky stars she's out of your life!

This hits the nail on the head. Who cares what she thinks. If seeing her on Myspace bothers you then get off Myspace or defriend her. What are you thinking that, "I know it's her one way of 'talking' to me and it's driving me crazy."?! Are you freak'n nuts? So what do these Myspace sexual photos say..? Are you the Myspace Whisperer?

REALITY CHECK

Dude... she dumped you. That spoke volumes in itself and was all you needed to hear. Man up and walk away with your dignity and pride intact. To me it sounds like you're living delusions, disbelief, and jealously.

Sorry bro.