[nessa46]

Hey so here's the deal.

I went out with this guy for 7 months and we got along great! Everything was fine we never fought at all. We spent a lot of time together. He is 23 and I'm 19. One day while I was at work he showed up and I could tell something wasn't right. As I was closing up he started crying. I asked him what was wrong. He said he didn't feel like he could be a good boyfriend to me anymore and that we were on different levels. He kept kissing me and said he was going to miss me very much. He kept stroking my hair and telling how beautiful I was. It was heart breaking. He also said that he had stuff going on that he couldn't tell me about with his family. I didn't know what to believe. We texted the next dy and were both very emotional. He told me that in September when University starts we'll meet up over coffee. Well September's here and no word. I called him and he said he was just lving one day at a time and said maybe blah blah blah. I asked him if he was seeing anyone and he got really mad. But if he told me I could get over this much faster. Why all of a sudden could we not meet anymore? Why did he promise a friendship then takeit away?

Needless to say I got angry and sent a bunch of angry text messages which probably was not the best thing to do, but I was holding in all my frustration in since July. I feel like I blew everything now. I sent an email trying to explain all my feelings but he won't respond. Am I being too irrational? Should I be over this by now?

[amicon]

For whatever reasons he doesn't want any contact with you and you should respect that and leave him be.
You should move on and heal from this relationship-and be good to yourself.

[friend4u178]

You should forget about him and move on as he obviously has , Dumpers say things like we can be friends and we can meet up later etc. to ease their guilt and slink away slowly.

This just leaves you with false hope so the sooner you realise it's over the sooner you'll heal.

Good Luck!

[ajGambino]

You should be over him by now, but here's the problem:

He's avoiding you and you're not getting it. He broke up with you, for whatever reason, and it's over. He was softening the blow for his sake and you got the raw end of the deal. Screw this guy, if he's avoiding you, it's time for you to move on.

The solution? NC his @ss.

[nessa46]

When Dumpers say they would like a friendship and then take it away.. does it mean they're seeing someone else? Or they're just not ready to yet? I called him a few weeks ago and he said he just still needs time? Is it all just bogus?

[azif]

Doesn't sound like you want to be just friends...

You have to let go first. Re read all the comments above.

[nessa46]

I know I still have feelings for him, could it be possible that he's still trying to get over his feelings for me? Is that why he doesn't want to meet up?

[summer7]

Hi,
This must be so difficult. It's like you are left hanging and have no closure. I can see why you are having a tough time getting over this. It's certainly not fair to you that he has this "problem" he can't talk about but he's leaving you on the sidelines wondering what's going on.

He said he felt "he couldn't be a good boyfriend to you anymore". Without any closure, if I were you I would really repeat that to myself. You deserve a good boyfriend. It's not fair to you to be left without an explanation. HE CAN'T BE A GOOD BOYFRIEND TO YOU ANYMORE. How does that look to you?

Good luck!

[friend4u178]

When Dumpers say they would like a friendship and then take it away..does it mean they're seeing someone else? Or they're just not ready to yet? I called him a few weeks ago and he said he just still needs time? Is it all just bogus?

They agree to be friends so as to ease their guilt and let you down slowly.

He's doing the right thing by keeping his distance , time for you to do the same. Otherwise you just sit around waiting with false hope and delay your healing process.

[Cat1864]

Nessa, I can't tell you what he is thinking, because I don't know why he broke off the relationship.

I will tell you that it doesn't matter. His actions since then are enough to say forget about him. Getting angry when you asked him if he is seeing someone says that he probably is. Even if he isn't, the anger was an inappropriate response.

You need to heal yourself and not worry about him. I would suggest that you ignore him. No Contact sounds like what he deserves.

You're 19 and it is going to feel like the pain will last forever. It won't.

Keep yourself busy. Make new friends. Try not to dwell on thoughts of him and the past. Let yourself move forward. Don't try to rush into another relationship. So many people seem to hold on to the hurt because they think they deserve it or it invalidates the pain of the break up to let it go. You don't-It doesn't.

Most of all give yourself permission to heal.

[summer7]

May I ask a personal question? Did you guys have sex and if so, was he your first?

[nessa46]

I am trying to move on. It's really tough but I am starting to get involved with school and it's really helping. I'm just really confused. If he was seeing someone would he still accept my phone calls? I just don't really understand why we broke up, there's been no real closure. I gus time just heals and that's all you can do but ride it out. Are there any cases of No Contact working to the "dumpees" advantage?

[nessa46]

Yes we did have sex, but no he was not my first and I for sure was not his.

[azif]

No contact does work to your advantage, it will give you and them time to reflect

The old "if you love someone let them go"

You don't need to understand completely why it happened, not sure if its even possible, just have to accept what has happened and be the better for it

Time helps

[summer7]

It seems that you will just have to ride this one out. School is the perfect place to get over stuff. Stay busy and talk with friends. The benefit you will gain from this is that it will make you that much stronger. You will move on. I promise you that you will not look back on this because you will have a much better boyfriend.

Time heals and times tells us so much.

Here's a quote for you.

Over a long distance, you learn about the strength of your horse; over a long time, you learn about the character of your friend.
Chinese Proverbs

[Cat1864]

I am trying to move on. It's really tough but I am starting to get involved with school and it's really helping. I'm just really confused. If he was seeing someone would he still accept my phone calls? I just don't really understand why we broke up, there's been no real closure. I gus time just heals and that's all you can do but ride it out. Are there any cases of No Contact working to the "dumpees" advantage?

I understand the confusion. He probably will do whatever he thinks will keep him from getting blamed for anything.

You may never know why he broke off the relationship. Closure is something that you will have to find in yourself.

Remember as you go through this, you are not alone-we are here. Just keep adding to this thread and we will try to give you the best advice we can.

[ajGambino]

I am trying to move on. It's really tough but I am starting to get involved with school and it's really helping. I'm just really confused. If he was seeing someone would he still accept my phone calls? I just don't really understand why we broke up, there's been no real closure. I gus time just heals and that's all you can do but ride it out. Are there any cases of No Contact working to the "dumpees" advantage?

It seems like you're asking questions for the wrong reasons. He has left you and it is over, I'm very sorry for your loss but it happens to the best of us. You keep asking questions that shouldn't matter to you anymore. What you should be asking, is what's necessary for you and what can you do to make yourself a better, happy person?

Look, don't worry about these things, it will only prolong the aching. Why give so much time and thought into someone who doesn't give you any? Let him go for your sake and be selfish about it.

[nessa46]

Thanks, you guys are truly helping and being supportive. Just hearing all this positive reinforcement helps :). And how aj no contact since April 21st? That's quite impressve! I know one day I will love again, because I was just starting to get over my other ex boyfriend when I met this recent one. I think the trick is knowing that you're going to be okay by yourself and not looking for love in someone else right away. You just have to roll with the punches. I think about him everyday and want to share things with him so bad, but I know I will just get rejected. I just feel like I'm being irrational for still missing him...

[none12345]

Thanks, you guys are truly helping and being supportive. Just hearing all this positive reinforcement helps :). And how aj no contact since April 21st? That's quite impressve! I know one day I will love again, because I was just starting to get over my other ex boyfriend when I met this recent one. I think the trick is knowing that you're goign to be okay by yourself and not looking for love in someone else right away. You just have to roll with the punches. I think about him everyday and want to share things with him so bad, but I know I will just get rejected. I just feel like I'm being irrational for still missing him...

Eventually it ll all just be good memories and you ll be thankful you shared the love because you know its real.

[Cat1864]

You're not being irrational. It takes time and he lengthened that time by giving you hope that in September you would meet up.

Give yourself time starting now.

If you find yourself wanting to share something with him, write it down in a notebook. That way you get it out and no fear of rejection.