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fabulosity · Oct 4, 2009, 04:27 AM

I have been together with my boy friend for 4 years now but he never gave me any gift, the only thing he gave me which I will not even call a gift, are some expired body lotion, a shower gel and a very dirty teddy beer, on my birthday for that matter! I think he is trying to say my happiness is not that important to him and he also does not respect and care for me. I think may be he does not want to spend his money on me. Because I have been the one spoiling him him with gift all the times.

jmjoseph · Oct 4, 2009, 04:53 AM

Originally Posted by fabulosity

i have been together with my boy friend for 4 years now but he never gave me any gift, the only thing he gave me which i will not even call a gift, are some expired body lotion, a shower gel and a very dirty teddy beer, on my birthday for that matter! i think he is trying to say my happiness is not that important to him and he also does not respect and care for me. i think may be he does not wanna spend his money on me. cos i have been the one spoiling him him with gift all the times.

Does he have any money? Does he spend it on himself?

If he does, here's what you do: throw away the expired lotion, wash the teddy bear with the shower gel, and pin a note on it telling your "boyfriend" that you don't want to spend anymore time with someone so thoughtless, stingy, and just plain cheap.

A cheap gift, or a dirty gift, is worse than no gift at all. The fact that he does not think enough of you on your birthday, Valentine's day, Christmas, your "Anniversary", to buy you something nice speaks volumes!

This behavior is not normal, and shouldn't be tolerated.

If he's broke, then he should find some way to make enough as to get you something nice every once in a while. I don't care if he has to carve or paint something for you. Writing a poem is free also.

I wish you the best. Let us know what happens.

I wish · Oct 4, 2009, 08:00 AM

Does he have money issues? 4 years is a long time to not have bought you any gifts. He obviously has some issues.

But the real question is, is this the type of guy you want? You can't expect him to change. He is the way he is. Can you accept him the way he is?

You've given him 4 years to try to work things out with you. I would say that's more than enough time and chances. Maybe it's time for you to find someone who's more understanding of you, instead of torturing yourself by waiting for him to change.

superk · Oct 4, 2009, 08:20 AM

Originally Posted by fabulosity

the only thing he gave me which i will not even call a gift, are some expired body lotion, a shower gel and a very dirty teddy beer, on my birthday for that matter

When a person loves you, he does everything to please you. Giving an expired body lotion and very dirty teddy bear is appalling.

s_cianci · Oct 4, 2009, 08:30 AM

I think your real issue isn't so much the gifts (or lack thereof) but that fact that you're putting more effort into the relationship than he is. Does he show affection for you in other ways? Like taking you out to dinner, helping you out with household chores, changing the oil in your car maybe, things like that? If not, then you have a problem in that your boyfriend really doesn't sound like he's very committed to you.

jmjoseph · Oct 4, 2009, 10:29 AM

May I ask a few questions?

How old are you both?

Does he have a job?

Is he cheap in all the other aspects of his life?

When I was younger, and didn't have much money, I would carve things for my girlfriend out of pine bark to show how much I loved her.

Does he do ANYTHING at all to show how much he cares?

Gemini54 · Oct 4, 2009, 04:26 PM

A dirt teddy bear. Eeeew.

I always think that actions speak louder than words.

If he does not show you in other ways that he cares about you, you should probably be seriously reconsidering your connection with this man.

If you are happy with your relationship otherwise, then perhaps a quiet word of advice in his ear about your birthday and the types of gifts you prefer might be warranted.

ItWasMe · Oct 7, 2009, 03:08 PM

This must not be the first time you have thought about this, does he know that this is a problem?
A boyfriend would normally think about his girlfriend most of the time and serenade her with anything that would make her happy, this gives off a lot of signs that he's really taking you for granted, 4 years is a long time to have put up with this and I would be probably sitting down for a long hard talk with him, and if this isn't the first time you have told him showing him the door :).

Gifts don't have to be expensive and the best ones are normally sentimental things that would mean something to the person, money is no excuse at all so I won't address it :).

jaime90 · Oct 7, 2009, 03:20 PM

I agree with s_ciance. It's about you both putting equal effort into your relationship.

In my opinion, breaking up with him over a dirty teddy bear is not a good enough reason to break up with someone that you say you love. If the guy has money issues, cut him some slack.

My relationship with my fiancé is so focused on our closeness and the building our relationship that we don't have time to freak out over giving each other presents. My man will also not get me a diamond for my wedding unless it is 100% conflict free. My engagement ring is gorgeous, but it is not a real diamond, I could be freaking out over how it's SUPPOSED to be REAL- but I care more about his commitment to me, than whether I have a diamond on my finger. In your case if you really love this guy, you wouldn't be stressing about whether he gave you expired lotion or unexpired lotion for your birthday- honestly, it's the thought that counts.

If you have to, ask him why he gave you that stuff- I doubt it's because he's tryin' to pick a fight- the guy is probably completely genuine and sincere and just wanted to get you something, plus he probably just couldn't afford anything else.

fabulosity · Oct 12, 2009, 02:37 AM

Thank you all for giving your opinion on my issue, I really appreciate it, thank u very much once more.

fabulosity · Oct 12, 2009, 03:58 AM

Threads merged

My boyfriend whom I really love, told me that he is addicted to me this morning, then I realize so many things I have been ignoring in the past, like he never calls unless he wants to hear me say I love him and I will never be with any guy but him, he calls when he wants to tell me his problem so that I can comfort him, but he never listen my own problems, never tells me the truth about things, always look very sorry when I said am leaving him because am tired of his , but he never make things right, brags to people that he loves but treats me like , being good to my family and friends but which he does not do to me, am just confuse I think may be am the who is addicted to him.

adam_89 · Oct 12, 2009, 05:28 AM

I don't think you are addicted to him but fed up with his crap. Why put up with his behavior? I don't see this relationship going anywhere anytime fast. Not with the way he is acting.

I wish · Oct 12, 2009, 07:16 AM

Both of you need to stablize your own lives before you continue this relationship. Give youreslves some time and distance to gain some perspective.

talaniman · Oct 12, 2009, 08:06 AM

I also think some time away would be a good thing. If nothing else it could break this "addiction", and give you a better perspective on what's the real issue, your lack of honest expression about his bad behavior, and you being willing to do something about it.

If you keep accepting it, you will get more of it.

ohsohappy · Oct 12, 2009, 08:33 AM

In the first thread, the dirty bear and expired lotion? He's a jerk.
I also noticed that you said that you spoil HIM with things. STOP DOING THIS. He's taking advantage of it, and from What I've noticed from both threads, he clearly cares more about what he can get out of the relationship than your feelings. Do not buy him anything else, no matter how small it is. Tell him that until he learns to respect you and treat you the way the should, then he gets nothing. Don't reward his bad behavior.
He's like a child, all they think about REALLY when they're younger is that they want to be loved, how to get attention, and the things they want to get. That's just a young person's mind, you have to train them. This is how he is behaving, and you have to show him what's what. If he's not getting it, then there's no reason for you to stick around.
The way I see it, getting gifts is the least of your problems, he sounds like a leech to me.

slapshot_oi · Oct 12, 2009, 01:58 PM

Originally Posted by fabulosity

i think may be he does not wanna spend his money on me. cos i have been the one spoiling him him with gift all the times.

You answered your own question, and correctly too.

Why is he going to spend money when he doesn't have to? He knows you're just going to pay for the both of you, since you've been doing it for the past four years.

fabulosity · Nov 14, 2009, 05:42 AM

Hi guys, I am not sure whether it is OK for my boyfriend to tell me that I talk to loud and he does not like the way I walk, that is why he always look at a different direction when ever I walk towards him. And he said he still loves me, but it disturbs me so much because he keeps telling me that all the time, though I did not tell him how his words makes me feel. My concern is that I think may be he does not appreciate me that much.

jmjoseph · Nov 14, 2009, 06:01 AM

How old are you please? And how old is this guy?

I wish · Nov 14, 2009, 08:04 AM

If you're uncomfortable with something, then you should raise your concerns with your boyfriend and try to work things out together. Bottling things up will only build fustration and lead to a bigger fight when things blow up later on.

fabulosity · Nov 14, 2009, 09:01 AM

He is 26 and I am 21 years old.