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bab1957 · Oct 3, 2009, 01:26 PM

A friend I work with screwed around with my best friend who is a guy. I was really pissed off at both of them for a while. Her because she jumped into bed with the first guy who paid attention to her, which I thought of as really slutty behavior. I mean, she didn't even know the guy, and she went to bed with him! And him because he thinks with his penis and not his head. Why they both wanted to tell me about it beats me. I thought that it made for a really awkward situation. Anyway, I pretty much got over it except for one thing.
I feel like it has changed my work friendship. I didn't want it to, but it has. Maybe its because I lost respect for her. We don't have the conversations on breaks/lunches like we used to. I sit with her and talk, but it doesn't feel the same. Not the same camaraderie like it used to be. Is it just my imagination? Is there something I could do to not feel like this? She is really a nice young woman.

I wish · Oct 3, 2009, 01:31 PM

Two of your friends go together. If they both wanted to do it, why does it matter to you?

The only reason I would see this as an uncomfortable situation is if you had feelings for one of the two people involved. Is that the case?

bab1957 · Oct 3, 2009, 01:38 PM

No I don't. But why would either one of them want to tell me about it if its none of my business? That's were the awkwardness came in.

itried · Oct 3, 2009, 01:53 PM

I think you like your "best friend who is a guy".

They banged.

You got jealous.

If you really didn't care and have gotten over it then why is there a problem? Also, why is there an "it" to get over in the first place? I think you may be uptight because your friends are having sex and you aren't or you have a thing for "your best friend who is a guy". The problem here is with you. Not them.

Cat1864 · Oct 3, 2009, 03:25 PM

Are we discussing the same male best friend that your husband doesn't like your relationship with?

Your reaction to this is very telling. If they had known each other for a year and then had sex, would your reaction be the same?

How many times has your girlfriend told you about her relationships and you didn't have a negative reaction?

If this is the same male, weren't you trying to get him fixed up with someone? She is someone isn't she?

bab1957 · Oct 4, 2009, 12:48 AM

If they had known each other for a longer period, then no I wouldn't have had a problem with it. And no she has never told me about her sexploits.
I don't care who he bangs, just so its not someone I work with, and a friend.
I asked Pam if it was worth changing the dynamics of our friendship, and she said no.
I also work with someone else, Linda who he was interested in. I was all for them getting together, but it didn't happen. She told me she didn't let him pursue her because she said that if something happened and it didn't work out, she knew it might effect our friendship. Linda told me my friendship with her came first before him.
And yes it's the same male my husband doesn't like.

Cat1864 · Oct 4, 2009, 07:32 AM

Originally Posted by bab1957

I don't care who he bangs, just so its not someone I work with, and a friend.
...
I also work with someone else, Linda who he was interested in. I was all for them getting together, but it didn't happen.

So, Pam has sex with Rob and then doesn't have a relationship with him because it might affect your relationship. You call her actions "slutty". Then try to say that you don't care who he has sex ("bangs" is a really crude term that shows just how much it disturbs you) with so long as she doesn't work with you and isn't a friend.

Linda decides to not get into a relationship with Rob because it might affect your relationship. However, you were ALL for that relationship. SHE WORKS WITH YOU TOO AND IS A FRIEND. Did you expect him to not "bang" her?

Would Pam and Rob have a relationship if you weren't a factor?

You need to really think about your feelings and the contradictions.

itried · Oct 4, 2009, 09:57 AM

I'm still not sure what the problem is here. If your friends have sex with each other it should be none of your concern. You have wedged yourself in the middle of a relationship that is NONE of your business. You're married so you should only be worried about who you and your spouse are having sex with.

You are either incredibly nosy or you're leaving out a massive amount of information. Why the infatuation with these two people's personal lives?