[max9011]

I'm 25 years old, and I married in feb 2008, and recently my wife and I have been having problems,

I want to be with her her please help me someone, my wife is real stubborn and has a strong mind, and now she hear my sweet wispers and now we live apart, we've never spent any time apart, we're very much in love and hardly ever a day passes by when we don't hear from one another

Last time a spent time with her as her partner was on 21st July 2009, its not nearly 3 months coming October, and I just want to be with her

She says we are not compatible, and that she doesn't want this anymore,

I'm confused, we were in love and married in a scared bond,

I feel sick not being with her, not hearing from her, I'm not eating well and not sleeping well, I pray a lot theses days hoping god would help me and bring her back to me,

I have sent my wife flowers at her work address , which are due to be delivered this Friday, with a message and a teddy that reads that I love her, and miss and her and want us to be a unit again and work out our differences,

Please can someone help me, I want to be sweet to her, I sometimes very impatient and needs to hear from her, all this waiting is makign me feel ill

[I wish]

Sometimes, feelings change. You can't control that.

she says we are not compatible, and that she doesnt want this anymore

Normally we would suggest marriage counselling, but if she really said that, then it's time to get a divorce. There's no point forcing each other to stay in a loveless marriage.

[talaniman]

I think your better path would be in leaving her alone for a while, and getting your emotions under control.

Explain what lead up to this separation.

[jham123]

She feels she made a mistake in Marrying you. Whatever her reasons...


... YOU need to understand that a person has stated that they do not want you.


... YOU need to understand that you are not respecting yourself by chasing after a person that states openly that she does not want to be with you.

There are Millions and Billions of females on the planet. You will do yourself a huge favor by leaving this one alone and finding one that "wants" to be with you and that will treat you fairly.

Trust me on this, You have no kids... you have no possessions together that a court will have to divide... it is a clean break... count this as a blessing and move on.

You are 25... it only gets worse with her from here on out... find a healthy one... but wait a few more years before marrying again. At 25 you hardly know yourself... there is plenty of time to discover who you are and what kind of woman is best suited for you.

[max9011]

I think your better path would be in leaving her alone for a while, and getting your emotions under control.

Explain what lead up to this separation.

I have left her alone for a while now, 3 months in fact, I sent flowers to her work address an she'l receive them tomorrow and hoping she'd like this

[max9011]

I think your better path would be in leaving her alone for a while, and getting your emotions under control.

Explain what lead up to this separation.

I lied about my age and caast (we're muslim and have different types of casts) she's 3 years older than me, I married her when she knew I was younger, I told her before but after we got married she realised I'm gujerati when I told her I was pakistani like her

She feels I broke her trust , but I apologised countless times and want to make it up to her, but she won't let me, she says I disregarded her feeling which I did,

The last thing I want to do I leave her, I want to make things work, please advise me further

[talaniman]

Don't understand the differences in the castes, or why you lied, sorry but would you clarify?

[max9011]

I lied about my age as when I first got to know her, she told me she was older, so I matched her age by upping my age by 3 years

But I told her I was younger before we got married,

I also lied about being pakistani, as she was pakistani I matched that too

And lastly I have a disabled brother, who is completely diabled , cannot see and sit and needs 24 hour care, my mum and dad look after him,

I didn't tell her about him as I felt really reserved of telling people about him, I was his protector but shouldn't have needed to protect him from her

She was my wife, I should have told her

Castes, means different language, they speak pakistani, we speak gujerati, but we're both muslim and it doesn't affect us other than the lies, from me I mean

I want to make it up to her,

She feels I broke her trust.

[talaniman]

To many females, lying is a deal breaker (men also, to be fair). You could point blank ask her what's going to happen, but if she is through with you, then she is thru with you, and you have to divorce her, and get a life without her.

[max9011]

The last time I seen her as her partner was on the 21st of July, since then to this date would be coming up to 3 months around the 20th of oct 2009

During this time we have seen each other 4/5 times, on these meets she has been quite horrible to me, and I told her that I dindt meing this as I understood she was angry with me#

And on the last time we met, I made a slight move to be close to her, I tried to cuddle her, she did kind of refuse but when I held her gently( I'm a professional boxer and sometimes as a joke my bones have hurt her whilst cuddling her, I'm 10 stone fighter, which isn't relevant I should metnion , she stayed still and we hugged for a brief 2 minutes, I held her from the side of my car seat to her side of the seat, and I put my hand from behing her on to her stomach, the moment was special, was very peaceful,

I later mentioned this in a text and she didn't mention this (I said that I know a lot of love still exists from her for me, which I felt when we briefly hugged , she didn't reply because she felt that too, but didn't say anythign due to her pride. (she has tonnes of this pride stuff believe me)

She can be very stubborn, very abrupt, and very aggressive, she's only 7stone woman,

She full of passion and used to comment on how jealous she soemtimes used to get of other women at the gym, being around me

Her and I, have a lot of connection, we have a high rate of atraction sexually (somethign she mentioned) but feel we don't conect in other ways,

She told me on the last meet that she misses our, husband and wife stuff, and was playing on her mind,

I want to be her man,

Because she won't let me back in, it has frustrated me a lot recently, I want to be gentle but I'm sick of rejection, she won't let me in . I want to be given another chance so that I can build new bonds and new trust with her

Hw long is this going to go on? 3 months ? 4 months? Obviosuly we cannot say,

She did offer to be friends, I want more,
I want to be her man, her husband, her protector, her bread buyer,

I work, I would say I take care of my appearance and I can be a very bright individual,

But without her my world has tunred into hell

[max9011]

Tomorrow, she's going to receive £50 quid worth of flowers which is sent to her work place, I'm hoping to get a good reaction

(she recently told me that she knows and realises she hasn't been very nice to me and realised that I have been making a lot of effort and she she's a change in me, that she likes, but then she goes on to say negative stuff again, saying too late etc etc, I know she wants this too

But she's afraid I may lie to her again, and break her trust and disregard her feelings,

I want to tell her that I acknowledge that I have hurt her and that given the chance , I shalll never put her through soemthing like this ever again as long as I live and that I promise never to keep her in the dark or lie to her about anything ever again? Do you guys think that's a good idea?

[max9011]

I promised her some space, its been 6 days without any contact, no texts either, bbut tomorro I thinnk il hear from her thnakin me for flowers at the very least,

[max9011]

She's thanked before for flowers and told me they were lovely and shwowed them off to her friends, as she felt special, she like feeling like that , that's why I sent them

[max9011]

This is the 2nd set of flowers I have sent her (the latest oones she'l receive tomrorro, il update you on what she says, that's if she texts me and says thank you or something)

[BlackVY]

Hmmm she is still saying it too late when she does talk to you and stuff... and one thing is clear, you can't win a woman's heart by buying her flowers and spending money on her. I don't know if she is upset with you about the lies you told in order for her to marry you, or that if she isn't in love with you anymore. You need to listen to exactly what she is saying and talk about it and see what happens. As usual, Communicate...

[max9011]

Hi... I just found out that the flowers were delivered to her which she reeceive, but they were not appreciated, so I don't even know if she kept them or they're down some bin right now. I'm upset again.

[max9011]

Can I just say that the lies that I had told her were not told in order to marry her, they don't affect th marriage that way, as we're bobth muslim, so it doesn't matter

But what I kept from her, that's what gets to her,

The lies don't really affect the marriage and were not told in order to be able to marry her,

As I would have been able to marry her still even if she was aware of everything

She feels that I broker her trust by keeping her in the dark, she knows that the lis were not told in order for me to marry her,

[Fr_Chuck]

Buying things is not a answer, and actually can do a lot of harm depending on her position and anger.

Asking to be friends, see if she will start to "date" you again,

Ask her to go to counseling with you,

In the end, you can't force her to do what she does not want to do.

[max9011]

OK, point taken, no more gifts for herr, I shall ask to be friends with her, (shes said she would rather have me as a friend in her life than not have me I her life at at all)

But because I'm impatient I always looking for ways I could have more, I guess I shall introduce her to the idea of councilling slowly, but not just yet

Thank you FR_CHUCK

[max9011]

She said (shes said she would rather have me as a friend in her life than not have me I her life at at all) previosuly but then

Whislt being her friend we went out to a restuarnat to eat, and she aid some pretty hurtful things to me, we always end up talking about the past and (us) which starts the ball rolling downhill

I did request for her to leave things for that day and to carry on and contunue on the day we'd planned to met again,
And because it went all worng the night from restaurnat I dropped her home, I haven t been able to see her since

I will as I said text her and ask if we can be friends again, il do this later today and post back on results.