[confusedat37]

My fiancé and I have been together for 4 years. I love him to death and I'm not sure why he doesn't feel the same way.

I am 5'7 129lbs, use to be 115lbs when we met, but I am much better looking now. I could stand to lose a little weight but still very good looking. I am an agency represented model and have done both print and commercial national jobs. I am very nice to a default, I pick up after him, make sure the house is clean and even pay for housekeeping to come give the house a thorough clean. I am not one to do a deep clean, but I do clean. I make sure the bed is made, the house is picked up, there are no dirty dishes the beds are made, his son's bed has clean sheets and his room is cleaned and have clean clothes. His son is super adorable and I love him. He is a little spoiled but its not his fault, he is only 3 but between his dad and me, we will whip him right in shape (not literally).

Anyway, when we met, his ex girfriend was a month pregnant, the 1st 3 years of our relationship, I have always deep down known they were still seeing each other, but we spent almost 2-4 days together and went out of town together and just couldn't understand how he could be seeing someone, if we were together so much and we had so much sex. Like we would probably have sex like 150-160 times per year, he kept count.

He finally proposed over the summer and we moved in together and his son is around me 50% custody and knows my name and asks for me when he walks in the house and wants to show me his toys. We go on vacations and see his family (like 40 of them :) and see his friends and everything, but he won't confess, to seeing her for the 3 years that we were together.

We are getting married this year and we have a very good relationship now, but whenever I find evidence of his past infidelity with the same girl, I just get hurt all over again. I consistently tell him to just tell me the truth. I tell him to just tell the truth and that I am OK with his past lies as long as he doesn't lie in the future, but I need to know but he still won't tell me. Ive seen photos and airline tickets but he still won't say yes.

Does he love me and has he gotten over it or am I being a dumb . I am not depserate, because I am a paid model and I have a job where I make over $100,000 per year. I drive a benz and I am happy. I have a happy existence, I am in law school. I have a great job, I am a good person.

Is it possible to put it all in the past if he doesn't just tell the trth?

[Cat1864]

You're accusing him of being unfaithful to you for the first 3 years of your relationship with the woman who he was obviously involved with when you met. Whether they were a couple or not, the pregnancy and child meant that their lives would be intertwined for life.

What "proof" do you have that he "cheated" for three years? Could any of it be taken out of context and not what you thought it meant?

If you don't trust him, why did you stay with him?

If you keep badgering him for a "confession", why does he stay with you?

At some point you are going to have to decide if you can live without the confession and if you can let the past go. If you can't, then you need to end the relationship NOW instead of dragging it out and deciding after the wedding that you can't stand it.

If you want to work past all the hurt you are keeping locked inside, then couples counseling might be an idea.

By the way, I think you need to work on your self-esteem. I don't think you feel as comfortable with yourself as you are trying to prove.

[confusedat37]

When we first met, he said they were broken up and then a month after we met, he told me she just told him she was pregnant. I was already in love with him and I didn't think that I should not be with him because she as pregnant. I 100% knew they would be in each other's lives forever, but I am previously married and have 2 kids and my ex- husband and I both know where to draw the line. 2 years later he said he wished it would have worked out,but we kept on our own paths. For me, you make a mistake, you move on you are human.

I just found old airplane tickets, when he told me he was on a boys trip and it was tickets for him and her, used tickets, when I pulled out all of the proof he through it all away saying he didn't want to talk about it. Just not saying anything and he doesn't know what I am talking about because he didn't look at it, he just discared it, but he knew what it was. I have her signature with his last name on credit cards, during the times we were together. None of it can be taken out of context. I have often come to what is now described as our home, where she was living in the guest room, because she isn't financially responsible, while no one was home,because I knew where the spare key was. I was always making sure, she was in a separate room from him, but he didn't even confes to that. I told him, if he was letting her stay there until she got her place, I would be OK with that, IF he told me the truth.

I stay with him because I truly love him and I know he loves me, maybe in his own way, but he loves me. Everyone says so.

He stays with me, because he knows he is lying and why leave me, if he has lied to me for the past 3 years.

I can truly let the past go and I am fine until something shows up a picture or receipt or something that proves that he has lied in the past. I can forgive him and I understand your question, as long as I can forgive the past, then why bring it up, IF and WHEN I find actual proof? Either I forgive the past or I don't.

I know for a fact, I have self esteem issues, Its weird, because I am a model and a firm administrator of a reputable law firm and I should have as much confidence with him as I do at work and in other aspects of my life, but I guess it doesn't matter, because I am wanting to be loved so bad, by him

I know pathetic!

[Cat1864]

I am not saying to "forgive" the past. I am asking about letting it go.

Accepting that it happened, whether he ever admits it or not, and saying that from this moment on you are not going to let any new "proof" of what happened in that time upset you.

One of the reasons I ask about letting it go is that from what you said you knew about about his being unfaithful before you agreed to marry him. By saying yes, you pretty much said that you forgave what he did. It is unfair to both of you to continue to hold that over his head after essentially saying that you were ready to move forward.

I don't think it is weird for you to have self-esteem issues. Some of the most insecure people I have known appeared to be the strongest until you got to know them. I think you do need to take some time to build your self-esteem where your intimate relationship is concerned.

Relationship counseling might be the best bet for you to build a strong relationship and foundation for your marriage.

As you know, love is only a part of a good marriage. It also needs trust and communication.

[confusedat37]

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I will follow your advise as it is the best that I've gotten so far, friends and family included. I will let it go and see if we can have relationship counseling.

I am a very reasonable person, just very much in love.

I will let it go. I will move on.

Thank you

Mala ;)

[Cat1864]

I hope it helps. There will probably be a lot more advice from others, too.

Just remember that if you need any more advice, discuss how hard it is, etc. all you have to do is add on to this thread. We'll do our best to help. :)

[Gemini54]

I agree that relationship counselling could help, but I would suggest that you might benefit enormously from going on your own to begin with.

I would also add, that if you have ANY doubts about your fiancée and about the future of your relationship you should wait to get married. Do not go into marriage with feelings of doubt about his fidelity and insecurity about yourself.

Yes, you may love him but love isn't everything. Trust, respect and commitment are as important if not more. Do not short change yourself - you may be smart, you may be beautiful, but don't be a fool.

[talaniman]

Just because your good looking, and make good money, mean that you got a winner of a guy.

If he cannot tell the truth, and be respectful and loyal, what good is it to be good looking.

Be smart instead. A liar is not a good partner, no matter how attached, and loyal you are.